F.i.g.h.t C.l.u.b

Finally managed to catch Paa. The film which is touching every heart, making everyone cry, the “very rare” story. The “moving” film of the year.

Not sure what “very rare” exactly means. Beacuse we always felt that the word “rare” has “very” attached to it. May be Balki can explain it better. But here is the list of “very rare” things that we discovered in “Paa”.

1. The film moves in montages. Some 15-20 montages. No scenes, no dialogues. Everytime you are stuck, the answer is simple. So how does it happen ? Just play the background music and put the visuals. It doesnt matter, just increase the volume, it will flow. Father-Mother meet. Check montage. Father-son meet. Check montage. Politician goes for the act. Check montage. Kingfisher Airlines. Check Montage. The list is long and its boring!

2. Paa is the official theatrical trailer of Ramu’s next release Rann. Big B does it religiously, almost everyday, before going to bed. He blogs about it. The Small D has done it on the big screen. He suddenly goes for the big expose, which has no relation, no meaning to the main story. Media-bashing! And the way its done, we thought it looked like an internship project of  B-handarkar Woods International. Has B-alki done a short-term course from there ?

3. Paresh Rawal has one dialogue after every 12 minutes 52 seconds. And interestingly, it doesnt matter what he says, why he says and where he says. He is there to make you smile.

4. Balki is obsessesd with two things. Age – over age, under age, age difference. And over-smart kids who will mouth over-smart lines and will tickle your funny bones.

5. It breaks every rule of screenwriting. Even the eternal ones. Remember “dont say, show it”. Jaya Bachchan makes a special appearance to “say” the entire credit roll. Why ? Because its “very rare”.

6. Progeria ? Whats that ? Its a “very rare” disease. And ? And thats it. Synonym – Prosthetics.

7. The most important relationship in the film – Paa & Progeria. What do you feel when you see the bond ? Nothing. Because its cut to one more song. Check montage. There is nothing more to it. Where is the bond ? The relationship ? The “very rare” father-son-son-father-whatever-it-is ? Remember Masoom and that killer line – Kya main aapko Daddy bula sakta hoon ? The ever reliable Naseeruddin Shah & Jugal Hansraj at his career’s best. The montage works only when there is a pre-roll and post-roll to it. Otherwise, its nothing. 

8. A very-rare mutant creature on top of a clock. Is it a fish, a cockroach, a bird, a plane or a super-insect ? Every 15 minutes, there is a shot of it. Why ? Because its “very rare”. The most repetitive visual. Time’s running out!

9. Is Vidya Balan the new brand ambassador for FabIndia or some such brands. Every scene, she is in a new saree that reminds you of the previous one. Sometimes, even in one scene there are few saree changes. (Courtesy – my friend Deepak confirmed it). The film can be alternately titled Saree-spotting!

10.  Balki = Pure Gimmick = “Very Rare” talent. Give him 15 seconds and he will rock. His advertising background explains that. The promos of Cheeni Kum and Paa re-confirms it. Like Cheeni Kum, Paa is just 15 seconds idea with some smart one-liners. All that you need in advertising.

Everything else is a mess. A big mess, which is boring and is desperately begging for sympathy. Not sure if any kind of glycerine will also help in that cheesy death scene.

OR are we the only members left in the Club ICB ? Not actually, if you read the Guardian and The New York Times reviews. Click here and here to read the reviews.

And one thats not rare….

Arundhati Nag. She is still the same. Such natural presence. In every scene, whenever she is there, the keyword is effortless acting. Can we please see her more often!

PS : ICB – Inglourious Cynical Basterds.