Posts Tagged ‘2014 Rewind’

First things first. I will be accused of hiding behind a fake name and hence everything that follows will be discredited by some of you. Just one lovely phrase for those who will resort to this.


2014 was a pretty average year for Bollywood (like the previous 83-years) but things are looking up for 2015 with this new film’s trailer where Ameesha Patel is in a double role and surprise attraction is Zayed Khan. Also, a spiritual (?) guru (??) is showing how easy it is to make a Sallu/Devgn type chutiyapa and my bet is this film will be our generation’s Jai Santoshi Maa.

But here, a quick Kaali Zubaan recap of 2014.


Year started with Joe B. Carvalho where Arshad Warsi tried his hand at a single-hero film for 25th time in his career and failed. Pro-tip: Films with a name-pun in the title suck. (PK included.)

T-series ki daughter-in-law Divya Khosla Kumar’s Yaariyaan became the first hit of the year proving once again that Honey Singh is the NaMo of 15-20 year olds (And T-series is Ambani).

Bhairoxx’s 1st release of the year Jai Ho (directed by Sohail Khan) had bhai paired with another new heroine, was directed by Bhai’s Bhai Sohail Khan, made lots of money and…and that was pretty much the point of it.

February :

Shekhar Suman acted in and directed Heartless, starring his son Adhyayan Suman (yup, he’s still trying!) where his heart is transplanted and he gets emotions of the dead guy whose heart is now inside him. That sounds like Inarittu’s 21 Grams with an additional dead-weight of 75-kilograms Adhyayan. The film spawned a social revolution where people started avoiding anything with the word ‘Suman’ in it.

Imtiaz Ali recycled a TV episode he directed 10 years ago to make Highway – yet another bubbly girl – brooding guy on the road traveling to yet another ARR album – letting fresh air fill their lungs and diluting the unpleasant smell of yet another half-baked script.

Saket Choudhary’s sequel to Pyaar Ke Side Effects, Shaadi Ke Side Effects took many years to come and made me miss (I never thought I’ll say this) Rahul Bose and Mallika Sherawat. Also, as smartass friend of hero Lakshmikant Berde >>> Vir Das.


March :

Watching Soumik Sen’s Gulaab Gang I kept waiting for Juhi to look into the camera, get that mad glint in her eye, chuckle and say ‘Sab randomly OTT bakheda hai, par mera hai.’

Bhagnani Jr’s Youngistaan. Little known fact. Every time his film flops, Vashu ji hikes the property rates in Bombay by 10 rupees per square feet.

Ragini MMS2 with anthem of the year – Baby Doll Main Soney Di . The only serious competition to NaMo this year. No, really. Here.

April :

Revolver Rani. After doing lots of intellectual, oh-am-so-different-and-classy interviews post-Queen, Kangana reminded us that Krrish-3 bodysuit was not so long back.


May :

Mastram did good business. Kyonki hum log sex ke bhooke, hawas ke pujari, vahashi, malnourished, kunthaaon ke bojh ke neeche dabey log hain.

Himess Bhai rocked the world with The Xposé – the first ever usage of Latin e or acute e in a Hindi film title. And it was a period drama, set in Bombay of the 60s. Read this in Anant Mahadevan’s voice please – “Talent ho na ho, ambissan hona chaahiye”. Bombay Velvet jab aayegi tab aayegi, is saal isi se kaam chalana parha.

Trivia: ‘Ice cream khaungi, Kashmir Jaungi’ became the separatist anthem, while Irrfan Khan (who later played a separatist in ‘Haider’) charged 1 crore per day for his walk-on part.

Yo Yo

 June :

Sonakshi Sinha reprised her role of a broad smiling, desi-attired vacuum of nothingness, for the 10th time in her 12 film career for Holiday. Akshay Kumar comes back from Army for a Holiday and realizes he hasn’t done enough South Indian remakes of trashy action so does one more.

Sajid Khan’s much-awaited lol Humshakals lol had a pair each of lol Saif, Riteish, and Ram Kapoor lol. This was his response to critics who accuse his films of being too empty.

Ek Villain confession. Had Riteish’s character not killed Shradhha’s character, I’d have done it. She was SO irritating.

July :

Vidya Balan played a detective in Bobby Jasoos. At the same time, Allison Tolman played a detective in the TV series ‘Fargo’. Abb aur kyaa kahein?

Very exciting time for Hate Story fans world over as Hate Story 2 came out. As Lord Krishna said in our national book Gita, death is simply soul changing clothes and Hate Story sequels are simply different heroines changing/removing clothes.

Bhai’s Kick gave us the best whatsapp forward of the year : Here

August :

Akki vs a Dog in Entertainment. Poor man’s Sajid Khan film, if such a thing is possible and needed on this planet. No points for guessing who, out of Akki and the Dog, looked and behaved more cultured & learned in the film.

Raja Natwarlal. Definitely the most boring film title of the year. Why would you have a title reminding people of Aamir Khan’s most-awkward rain kiss scene waali film by Dharmesh Darshan. (Aside on Dharmesh Darshan. A friend was driving Bombay-Pune and stopped to pee on the expressway. He found Dharmesh Darshan taking a shit in the bushes on the side. Yup.)

September  :

Lots of outrage over PC as a North Eastern in Mary Kom, very little outrage on how dull and lame the sports biopic of such an exciting sport turned out to be.

Daawat-E-Ishq. Everything about this film screamed BORING. Everyone was so bad that most of the reviewers ended up praising Anupam Kher’s acting only. That’s like reviewing a restaurant as ‘Traffic outside was good.’

Khoobsurat. Or as girls called it – WHEEE! FAWAD KHAN! Or as boys called it – Whyyyyyy? Sonam Kapoor?

Parineeti copy

October :

2 films released on the same day. Haider and Bang Bang. That’s like Mozart sharing his birthday with Sajid-Wajid. (Though surprisingly Haider was a hit and Bang Bang a flop. Kabhi kabhi Indian audience se bhi galti ho jaati hai.)

Happy New Year. This meme by Varun Grover sums it up. 

November :

Two films released on same day. One was titled 6 – 5 = 2 and another Kill Dil. Both didn’t make any sense.

Rensil D’Silva, who last made Kurbaan (whose script made it to MENSA’s library), came back with a vigilante film where Sanjay Dutt played a cop. “He’d look himself in the mirror and start running away afraid”, Rensil recalls.

Krishna DK and Raj Nidimoru attempted a smart rom-com with Happy Ending. Smart for Saif Ali Khan’s IQ I mean.

Waise Saif is Rajesh Khanna of our generation – long past the expiry date but still harboring delusions that one flutter of his eyes and girls are chucking their dildos out of the window.

Zed Plus had Aadil Hussein playing a puncture-repair-waala. In terms of characterization, this is the equal of Madan Puri playing a Chinese


December :

Last month started with unanimously accepted as the worst movie of the year Action Jackson. One plot device in the film had Sonakshi wanting to see Ajay Devgn’s dick for good luck. I say she should have simply seen any of his films in the last 2-3 years. Huge, limp dicks, all of them.

And of course, PK is still in theatres, heading towards 300 crores (SRK smokes a pack in jealousy for every crore it makes). Though in the film they never reveal the alien’s full name, my sources tell me in the script it was mentioned as Pravachan Kumar.

 – Nicolas Bourbaki

 storm trooper fuck

It’s that time of the year again. And in our Rewind series, we look back at the best of the year. This post is all about the musical discoveries we made this year. And mostly non-bollywood. The songs may or may not have been released in this year. Hope you have fun going through all the links. Here are the top 14 music gems of 2014, in no particular order.

  1. Omar Faruk Tekbilek – We fully subscribe to the maxim that if you want to travel places without travelling, do try and get hold of the music of that place first. Music would give you good insights about a place by the instruments used, texture of the sound, use/absence of electronic instruments etc. So when someone gifted me the entire collection of Omar, who is from Iran, and I played it, cliched as it might sound,  I was transported to the deserts of the country. We suggest you get hold of his work and let us know if you also feel we should dig deeper into the sound of that region. Meanwhile, explore whirling dervishes here

  1. Sanjay Mishra – It’s surprising how much I have heard Sanjay’s work since last few years, and even then it didn’t occur to me that I must tell you about this man. A fabulous musician with top class sensibilities about the sound quality. Allow us to suggest ‘For Julia’ to get started. Would you believe that when i wrote this post last year, Sanjay Mishra’s Chateau Benares was playing in the background and still, i forgot to feature him in that list. This is what his music does, melts in the background and doesn’t intrude. Be it for a lazy afternoon or a dreamy evening, Sanjay Mishra just fits in! Thank you sir!

  1. Nescafe Basement – Post Rohail Hyatt’s Coke Studio, there were serious attempts at replicating the setting (And the colors!) along with music on other platforms. Some were outright ridiculous and some embarrassing. What set Nescafe basement apart was its choice of  music. Add to it the fact that the songs didn’t embarrass the listener and you have a winner! Varun Grover pointed us to Lari adda a year ago which was quite nice but we discovered Ankhiyan udeek diyaan this year from them and it is brilliant! Do check it out!

  1. Jaag Musafir – Rohail Hyatt – I am not based in Pakistan nor do I claim to have any information about the music scene there. I stumbled upon this song on youtube and then searched a bit more to find this complete album, supposedly from Rohail Hyatt. The sound has Rohail Hyatt written all over it. Do listen to all the tracks if you haven’t already and be prepared to get zoned out completely! Our top find of the year, This!

  1. Bombay Dub Orchestra – The song Mumtaaz dragged us to explore Bombay Dub Orchestra. To some of us, Mumtaaz might sound a tad filmy but that is not necessarily a bad thing. Flute and subdued vocals can weave magic isn’t it?  What is Bombay dub orchestra?

To quote from their website

“Bombay Dub Orchestra was formed almost ten years ago following a trip to Bombay, India, by Garry Hughes and Andrew T. Mackay. They’d gone to record with the city’s strings orchestra a few years earlier and decided to take advantage of the relationships they’d built up with musicians in India to create their own project. It took another three years to talk about the idea and a further three years to write, record and release their debut self-titled album.” The sound is unique and their ‘stuff’ is quite addictive. We hope to hear more from them.

  1. Bent Notes of The Bauls – When the genius of Vishwa Mohan Bhatt and Jerry Douglas come together, we sit and listen. This was released in 2013 and thanks to a famous lyricist who shared it with me this year, this folder has never been deleted since.  Each and every track from this album is a gem but somehow, this particular track reminds me of my childhood morning and all good things that are attached to it. (Raga purists, please excuse me if this isn’t a ‘morning raga’, I honestly don’t care)

  1. Susheela Raman – Queen between – Looks like 2014 was a good year for ‘everything Queen’. Susheela Raman really put her heart and soul into creating something which is different and not just for the heck of it. Susheela decided to collaborate with  Pakistan’s amazing Rizwan-Muazzam Qawwal and Rajasthan Maestros Kutle Khan and Nathoo Solanki, as well as her longstanding accomplices French Cellist Vincent Segal and Producer/Guitarist Sam Mills. What came out was a sound that was unique and enjoyable. Give this a try, and recollect if something like this was attempted anytime in the recent past.

  1. Abdullah Qureshi’s medley – You can check this out here – Pakistan is brimming with musical talent and range, this isn’t news anymore. While it is easy for anyone to hold guitar and pay ‘tribute’ to any song in their own way, Abdullah chose all the popular songs in this piece and boy did he do a good job! In spite of my generously lacking abilities to ‘gauge the correctness of a song, cross referencing it with ragas and western symphonies with a middle eastern bias thrown in’, I couldn’t for the life of me find a single instance where Qureshi went wrong in this song. Check it out!

  1. Paban Das Baul – I wanted to write and introduce you to the music of honey gatherers, which for some reason doesnt show up as ‘play enabled’ in youtube, but you can hear it here. Again, recommended by a close friend earlier this year,  it’s a pity it took me (not fightclub, but me personally) such a long time to discover his genius. Give this also a try

  1. Sher Khan – Pathans are cute and to further this point in a unique style, Ahmed Siddiq gave us a song that made us strum the air guitar and laugh in equal measure.  Check it out here – how cool is the guitar!

  1. Rudoh – With so much of Ghazal-sque, sufi and fusion coming out of Pakistan, it took us a lot of ‘hits’ to Rudoh’s (Real name – Humayun) soundcloud page to convince ourselves of his sound. Rudoh is contributing to the electro scene in Pakistan and while I am not the greatest admirer of the sound, I have been stuck on Highlands) for a fairly long time. Interesting sound, interesting times! Here.

  1. Asrar – Call it a sheer coincidence or God’s way of ensuring we didn’t judge a good artist just because he was subdued owing to a below par platform, much before Asrar made an underwhelming appearance on this year’s overproduced and nearly cacophonous Season of Coke Studio Pakistan, we heard a lot of his songs, and boy, were they good! Allow us to share just 3 out of the many songs of his

    1. Check out Allah he de ga (our absolute favorite!)

    2. Then check out Waris Shah

    3. And Boond boond and then one bonus…

    4.  And last – Jahan daikhoon

It really takes special talent to screw up such a good artist and in spite of the underwhelming presentation of Asrar in Coke Studio Pakistan this year, we hope he gets noticed (Bhatts, you listening?) a lot and we hear more from him.  (Don’t judge his songs by the quality of the videos)

  1. Sulk Station – As conceded above, I am terribly late at discovering some really cool ‘stuff’ (but then none of you recommended it either, so part blame on you too!). Sulk Station is band from Bangalore formed by Tanvi Rao and Rahul Giri,  whose sound is essentially electronic/trip-hop (to quote their website). In spite of not being too big a fan of ‘electronic’, I couldn’t help but fall in love with Bindiya and Take me home – seriously, good sound!

  1. Yaar Anmulle – Just look at the number of plays since the time it was uploaded in 2010 on youtube!  This is what I call a Punjabi ‘purani jeans’. Essentially a ‘boy song’ but the  insanely enjoyable video and super lyrics  make it a riot for anyone who likes to swing to old memories. Trust me, you don’t have to be a Punjabi to understand the song. I can say that because I am not a Punjabi! Just see the video once and you will know what I mean!  Sharry Mann, you da man!

So what sounds did you discover this year? Let us know in the comments section and enlighten our soul.