WTF : Na Raaj, Na Neeti, its a bloody scam! Four stars! Wanna bet ? (UPDATED)

Posted: May 31, 2010 by moifightclub in Bet You Didn't Know, bollywood, conspiracy theory, film, film review, gossipmongers, movie reviews, plagiarism, reviews, Thoughts
Tags: , , , ,

The name is La-zmi. KhatNi La-zmi! She is known for starting her ”stars” count from three. Give her any movie to review and it will be three. We follow a simple thumb rule when it comes to her star ratings. La-zami’s 2 stars = zero. So, 3 = 0+1 = 1, 4 = 2 and 5 = 3. Try it out for any movie and it works every time.

Plus, she also has the distinction of being the only film critic in India who even plagiarised a film review!  Ooh la la! What a Tale it was, Shark Tale. And that too from Roger Ebert’s review. Aur bolo ? And if you were in your nappies those days, you can click here and here to read more about the scandal. If you are reading the first link, do check out the comment section (4th comment) for complete proof of her xerox machinery!

And after all this, she still has her job with India’s one of the biggest media group (ok, giant). Plus,  there is more! Remember how her Kurbaan review suddenly made it to the front page of Bombay Times on that bloody friday!

We are exactly not sure who get to make how much for every “star” that matters and for moving the review from Page 8 to 1st Page! But someone surely is busy counting.  And it cant be only her!  But here comes the best part – it didn’t help the makers and distributors of the film any bit. The film bombed and how!

Ask any Delhiwallah and they will happily tell you how exclusive screenings are held for her. Ok, she may be plus size (or XXXL or whatever) but she surely doesnt need the entire theatre to herself. Why aren’t other critics invited for the same ? Brownie “stars” & more! It happened during Paa too. And when some of the Delhi based critics raised their voice, Amitabh Bachchan apologised about the same. Now after all that history, here is the latest dope!

We are sure, cent percent sure! The makers of Raajneeti have already shown the film to her. Only her. Almost a week before the release. And she has confirmed her rating to them! Four fucking stars! Not sure who fucked whom, where, how and in what position but its gonna happen. We are willing to bet! Unless our blogpost manages to make enough noise for her/publication to change it from 4 to 3.5 stars! But if the group is involved and cheques have been passed, then aandhi aaye ya toofan, its gonna be four, fucking four!

And its not only her and the publication, the makers of the film are no lesser culprit. BTW, do we see a pattern here ? Its from the same production house! Have they cracked a “stars” subscription deal ? Looks like. As the dude sang, The Times They Are A-Changin’…..just that we didn’t realise that it will go to the other extreme!

UPDATE – We returned home and switched on the tv, it was Bambai se gayee Poona, Poona se gayee Patna n blah blah blah on SetMax. That was Juhi Chawla. But guess who else is singing…delhi se gayee bambai, rating meri bhi bik gayee! Same old Khat-Ni Lajmi. We got lil wrong on the location info. It seems she was shown the film in Mumbai and NOT in Delhi. And the makers flew her from Delhi To Mumbai to screen the film for her. Now, we are gonna bet its 4.fucking5 stars!

Comments
  1. bksingh2009 says:

    We are to blame for this. I know people who just glance at TOI star ratings and then decide if they want to watch the movie or not. We get what we deserve

  2. Pramod says:

    Why So Serious! When even “Passion” can do this, they are just “Business”.

  3. She gave Jodhaa Akbar two stars! lool she clearly is mad. What a classic film it is!

  4. Bollyfan says:

    You mention that this article might prompt them to change the rating from 4 to 3.5. How do you know it won’t be 4.5 instead?

  5. Bollyfan says:

    Divine Intervention : Yeah…a classic film it was. Helped me catch up on some much wanted sleep. 😀

  6. Manu says:

    The critic vs critic section of reviewgang shows the disparity between her ratings and others’ clearly http://bit.ly/cm4iVQ

    Pity that some one like jai arjun singh is not widely read while nikhat kazmi surely has a following due to TOI

  7. Jodha Akbar – *
    one star

  8. hardik mehta says:

    taran ‘not-so’ adarsh is no different from her. he literally licks the asses of bollywood celebrities and so does his mate gaurav malani. “aur saale kar bhi kya sakte hain – unse ek script, ek film toh banaai nahi jaati” – office mei baithe baithe review toh aise likhte hain jaise unki gaand mei filmmaker ghoos gaya ho..gabbar ka ek expression unke liye: Haak Thooo..”

    at least ppl at moifightclub, khaled saab try and do things – instead of these La-zmi and “not-so Adarsh” gang…

  9. arijit says:

    she is quite funny…she even said that dhoom2 was better than mission impossible…hahaha…there are many such lol moments in her write-ups…i read them purely for the entertainment value…for actual reviewing one should go to someone like rangan…

  10. Amit Sanghavi says:

    Surprisingly, She gave 2.5 stars to Kites while all other top reviewers gave 3. Looks like Rakesh Roshan did not gave TOI and its fav Kazmi her due cheque!

  11. Priyanka says:

    what rubbish! most of her reviews are absolutely perfect! she gives whatevr the movie deserves! a critic of her position can never do stuff like this! i thing u guys need to get a reality check done! like seriosuly!

  12. Nauman says:

    dude! she has given 2.5 stars to Kites coz it deserved, irrespective of it being a BIG BUDGET movie with a BIG STARCAST! m sure u hvnt checkd tht as yet!

  13. Deepika says:

    I totally agree with nauman! kites was a bad movie so it got a bad rating, irrespective of it being a Rakesh Roshan film nd starring Hrithik and Barbara Mori! She isnt biased at al! Nd U never knw… Raajneeti may turn out to be worth those 4 stars that ur talking abt! Its seems to be a promising movie for sure!

  14. ashish agrawal says:

    well i wud like to say (little shamefully though) that i used to be huge fan of nikhat kazmi .. used to follow her reviews religiously and 95% of the time i used to agree with her reviews..
    i followed her reviews for almost 6 years..

    bt now she definitely has gone mad in last 2 years.. i dnt knw if its effect of TOI group but she has certainly sold her soul..

    her reviews these days r joke.. and i wud nt be surprised at all if she gives 4 stars to rajneeti because this lady gives 3.5 star to films like jane kaha se ayi hai and 3 stars to housefull..
    anything can happen…

    bt more than condemning her.. we shud be condemning the TOI group which is toally fucked up and sells every spot in their newspaper.

  15. Azyan says:

    ‘a critic of her position can never do stuff like this!’

    Hahaha. Oh, you naive nymph. You have no idea. Trust me. The people at fightclub know what they are talking about. Kazmi is a joke.

  16. Dhruv says:

    ‘a critic of her position can never do stuff like this!’

    Hahaha. Oh, you naive nymph. You have no idea. Trust me. Sorry, it’s you who needs a major reality check.

  17. mogambo says:

    Look, the issue is not whether or not Nikhat Kazmi is shown special previews. All critics are given special treatment by producers, from flower baskets to swanky dinners or lunches. The real issue here is, should a critic in India be allowed to post their reviews on Friday mornings.

    Making critics sign NDAs, and forcing them to post their reviews on Sunday morning would sort out this matter. Whether or not a critic is bribed by producers, the public would decide on watching the film during Friday and Saturday. And then they could read the review on Sunday to see if their views concur with the critics’.

  18. L James says:

    Also, why just blame Nikhat Kazmi plagiarising, there are few others who have been caught too. But copycats are still holding on to their jobs and giving their two bit gyan to us. Simply put, it’s all about Hamam Mein Sab Nange Hain’ ( every one is naked in the bath room), so the saga goes on.

    Why blame critics at all? The entire system has lost all its ethics, all aimed at getting the eye balls. Earlier at least the controversies used to be real, now it’s marketing and pr driven. This is when Qurban bombed it was said oh the positing was not correct.

  19. bksingh2009 says:

    “on the whole” Adarsh is out with his review :-o. 4 fucking stars

  20. Honhaar Goonda says:

    I have got a perfect solution to legalize the critic and trade analyst business in India.

    Firstly, they should start calling themselves as a salesperson cos they are selling a film to the audience on behalf of the producers. This way their job will be legalized and become honourable.

    And finally, they should get paid on commission basis, that is, % on number of tickets they sell through their review.

    This can be done by having a buy ticket button at end of the review and encourage readers to purchase a ticket through this. Or there can be a SMS method.

    If they are good at their job, then they will earn lots of money. And all parties will be happy.

  21. Sudhir says:

    I love Goondas suggestion! Too good.

  22. bksingh2009 says:

    sharat jeet gaye kathor… eggzactly 4 stars

  23. ReviewGang says:

    as predicted.. 4 stars from nikhat kazmi. The film is getting mixed reviews.. mayank shekhar gave it a 3. taran-hopeless-adarsh parised it sky high.. waiting for others. Hunch is that movie is just above average.

  24. RapingMoiFightClubsBehen says:

    Inbred fucking Pritish Nandy chmacha, it would be better if you inbreds were flushed out of hindi films

    How about we fucking round you up and shot you in the fucking head as you’re a fucking delihite

    BTW seen the film? I bet not. I really hope a film producer closes down your blog and burns down pritish’s house

    Sound fair?

  25. RapingMoiFightClubsBehen says:

    Looks like you’re a part of cocksucker of Piyush Mishra too

  26. […] Here was our bet! And yes, she doesn’t disappoint! And like always, we are again damn right! Ok, tired of saying it. BTW, we are being warned from different sides – Karara jawab denge! We replied – Hum dekhenge…par jo kahenge sach kahenge…. […]

  27. Fatema says:

    Wow, what a fight! Popcorn kaha bik rahi hain?

  28. jitesh says:

    But I’ve heard that she just gives the reviews and the stars are given by the marketing department of the newspaper? Which explains that a lot of times the review says bad film while the stars are three.five and review says good film and the stars are two.five.

  29. raffuchakkar says:

    Guys!!
    watched rajneeti today it does not deserve 4 fucking stars for sure and jha has screwed up the script big time it has so many loop holes . I did not understand way jha used so many stars and not utilised them in a proper way.Jha used ranbir (below average/model ) actor and katrina (non actor / model) and arjun rampal (wooden face(did not fucking understand how this guy got a national award)) ) for commercial use and under used ajay and naseeruddin shah and nana.
    RAJNEETI is a just a overrated version of SARKAR RAJ.

    nikat and adarsh should not be allowed to write another review in thier life time coz they know shit about films

    good job moi folks

    cheers
    raffu

  30. Vibhu says:

    I don’t wanna involve in any “Fight” here… but have to confess that i followed Kazmi for quite some time until the day when she came up with this review : http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/moviereview/3532082.cms
    Read it and you’ll understand…. the film is not even worth recalling and naming (Critic Mr. Masand walked out of theater in interval :D) … and …whoa!!! She gave it 3.5*. Not late, that i came to realize the fact for that rating: TOI group’s Mirchi Movies were the producers!!!(u might figure out the name if haven’t checked the link yet). May be she’s pressurized by bosses about such favors and all such stuff. Whatever it is, she’s still being followed by many cos of the so called “Giant” media group. And whatever be her personal opinion, she possibly keeps it in the cupboard and the reviews are meant for some other purpose, i suppose. So, no grudge, but just a piece of proof for what we’ve been debating about (now i’m sure there are many such proofs, i just recalled my part).
    PS: Wonder, on the site, do they post the comments by themselves too? LOL

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