Archive for the ‘conspiracy theory’ Category

The Censor Board chief, Leela Samson, has quit. And then the entire Board members have also followed her steps. Reason? A new film titled MSG : Messenger of God, by a controversial religious leader who plays himself in the film. Not only that, according to reports, the Baba of MSG can cure AIDS, bring a dead man back to life, and so on. So why exactly did the Censor Board Chief and the members quit? Because going by the way the film was cleared, it made them completely useless.

The Tribunal has all the rights to clear a film which the Board objects to. But there is a protocol to be followed – how the film goes from where to where, who is informed, who is kept in the loop, the issues Board members had with the film, and many more. In the case, none of the guidelines were followed. Again, going by reports, seems the Board Chief wasn’t even kept in the loop about how things went. And the film quickly got a clearance. Pulling strings always works, right? Especially when there is a political connect and clout. In that scenario, the Censor Board chief really has no role to play. The Board members followed the same route soon.

Yes, they were appointed during the previous Government. But the members had major issues with the previous Government too, in terms of transparency and making the system better. Every Government tries to put their people at various capacities. The members had given many recommendations to make it better and more independent. But none of it was followed. Their letter sent to previous Government is also embedded. That issue was going on, and then the final nail in the coffin by this Government. All gone with the wind!

Hail Baba’s film! Hail Babas rule!

The Minister of State,

Ministry of Information & Broadcasting

Government of India

Shastri Bhavan

New Delhi

 

Respected Minister,

With this letter, we the undersigned are submitting our resignation from our position as Board Members of the Central Board of Film Certification with immediate effect.

The events that led to the Chairperson Ms. Leela Samson resigning from her position are merely the proverbial last straw. Since the time that we first occupied seats on the Board, we have been asking for some critical changes, which are imperative if the functioning of the CBFC has to be reformed. However, in spite of sending numerous recommendations and appeals, and having several meetings with the Secretaries and senior officials of the ministry, and even one with an earlier Minister, not a single positive step has been taken by the Ministry. We had also sent a letter to the then I & B Minister in December 2013 making several recommendations that would strengthen CBFC as an institution, and that we were willing to work on with the government. The earlier letter is attached to this mail. None of the recommendations that we made in that letter have been taken on board, and there has been no engagement with us on crucial issues that we were raising.

The Advisory Panel continues to be filled up with people of questionable credentials appointed directly by the Ministry, without taking the Board’s recommendations into account. No funds have been released for conducting orientation workshops for the panel members. Officers from other departments, who have no understanding or experience in cinema are appointed as officials. Furthermore, there are several positions in the regional offices that do not have regular appointments There has been no Board meeting for the last one year for us to discuss developments and make recommendations, as we were told that there are no funds to organize it! It seems that the CBFC Board is not required at all.

This Board has consistently attempted to make the certification process more uniform, transparent, consistent and sensitive to the freedom of filmmakers’ right to expression with responsibility. The struggle to do so has been extremely frustrating and disappointing.

It is our firm position that given the cavalier and dismissive manner in which the CBFC is treated by the government, it is impossible to perform this duty with even a modicum of efficacy or autonomy. We also object to the way in which the Chairperson has been treated by the Ministry which we feel has been humiliating for us all. This is not the way in which the head of an organization ought to be treated, and it is certainly not one that is conducive to any productive relationship.

We do hope that the new Board will find the government more responsive than we have.

With regards.

Ira Bhaskar

Lora Prabhu

Pankaj Sharma,

Rajeev Masand,

Sekharbabu Kancherla

Shaji Karun,

Shubhra Gupta,

T.G.Thyagarajan

And here is their letter to previous Government

 

Let’s tackle it one by one.

So the film has finally released all over India except Uttar Pradesh. Most critics have rated it between 1.5 to 2.5 stars  ( Rediff 1st review- 1.5, Rediff 2nd Review – 2,  NDTV – 2.5, Indian Express – 2, CNN IBN – 2, Hindustan Times – 2, Mid-Day – 2.5) with the few exceptions (Mumbai Mirror – 3.5 + the usual suspects). I still haven’t seen the film. But looking at the trailers of the film, it seems loud and very tacky, and can be best described as “from the makers of Raajneeti”. Or as Jayhind tweeted earlier, Prakash Jha is Madhur Bhandarkar with a JNU degree.  That’s the best and the apt description of the filmmaker if you look at his last two films. Hilarious trivialisation of serious issues with stars masquerading in unintentionally funny characters. what a fall!

The film still hasn’t released in UP. And with a Dalit Behenji at the helm of the state, this might just be a power trip for her. Plus, the  votebank. But don’t be surprised if it gets a release soon there as well. Though at this point Prakash Jha admits that he is not even getting a window to start the talks – what do they actually want? No communication. Behenji  ne bola, toh darwaza bandh. But a photo-op and some chai-paani can make things move at any political quarter.

Whats more weird is the points raised by the Punjab Government’s 7-Member Committee who saw the film and asked for the following changes –

1. In the dialogue “humne aapki tatti bhi uthai hai“, it was felt that the “mull” can be substituted for the word “tatti”.

2. In one of the scenes, “hans chuggega dana tinka, kauwa moti khayega” is there in the background. The couplet should be removed.

3. In the credit roll of the film, a palm drenched in blood appears when the movie title appears. This needs to be removed.

WTF can be a mild reaction if you ponder over the cuts asked by the Committee. With our over zealous conspiracy theorist mind at work, many insinuated that it was all orchestrated. A tracking agency did confirm that the film’s buzz went up in the last week because of the controversies. But inviting ban? Three states, loss of revenue, fear factor. Some gyaan gurus on twitter also suggested that with its banning in three states, the revenue will increase multiple times in other places. Looking at the first day’s collection, that surely didn’t happen.

So?

My theory is the makers were smartly playing around the issue till the last week. Like all filmmakers do these days. Plant stories, theories, counter it, deny, get space for more stories. When the matter went to court, the reply from the makers spilled out the truth – it’s more about commercialization of education and less about reservation. But with a title called Aarakshan, who would believe it. By that time, P L Punia, Chairman of National Commission for SC, had made enough noise. And bollywood has always been a soft target. People came, shouted, made their voices heard, grabbed headlines and the film got some more buzz. With both the parties benefiting and without spending any single penny, its a win-win situation for both. It all went of hands in the last week. Nobody expected such extreme reactions and the ban. If the film had released without any political party making any noise against it, most of them would have been disappointed after watching the film. A friend who went for the special screening of the film, realised that most RPI party members who had come to watch the film, they never came back to their seats after the interval. Like the rest, they might have got bored.

Though Amitabh Bachchan poured his heart out in this post but Javed Akhtar made a very valid point in an interview – where were these sentiments when Fanna got banned or there were protests against Water? They are paying a price for being silent then. On Fanna’s release, I remember his stand clearly – What Aamir is doing is right, what the others are doing, they are also guided by similar principles. On asked to take a stand and criticise the ban, he said he needs to acclimatised himself with the situation as he is not completely aware of it. I guess it’s a complete circle now with Aarakshan. But you can’t blame him either. That’s the industry stand – don’t look around, don’t speak up till I’ m not hurt. Not sure what those Power Lists of bollywood means when some of the biggest stars of the industry can get together and take some concrete action against nonsensical hullabaloo. Or blame it all on their need for some more buzz.

Not very long ago filmmaker Hansal Mehta wrote a post on PFC about what he had to face during the release of Dil Pe Mat Le Yaar. Since the post is not online now, posting it here again. Do read.

Raj Thackeray – Get Well Soon

A few months ago Shiney Ahuja was arrested for allegedly raping his maid. Yesterday Karan Johar apologized for being raped. His rapists have emerged triumphant. In our law books there is punishment for physical rape. There is no law for raping our freedom of expression. There is only triumph for the rapists. Bravo, Raj Thackeray. You are a master rapist.

Nine years ago after the release of Dil Pe Mat Le Yaar, I was subjected to humiliation by moral police from some wing of the Shiv Sena, headed by ‘youth leader’ Raj Thackeray. His touts(a few thousand) vandalized my office. They thrashed me. They colored my face black. They threatened to burn down the home of Kishore Kadam, a wonderful actor and even more wonderful friend. I was summoned to Khar Danda and made to apologize in front of over 20,000 people and 10 MPs, MLAs and local politicians. I was made to touch the feet of a lady in the village to make amends for my mistake. My mistake? An innocuous line of dialogue from my film, misinterpreted, misunderstood and twisted to suit the publicity hungry touts hired by Mr. Thackeray. Touts who had not even seen the film save a couple of them who viewed a pirated VCD and smelt a great opportunity for titillation. Some called me a coward. Some called me spineless.

The truth is that I was a film-maker who was coping with the box-office failure of his film. I was a father who feared for the safety of his young children. I was a son who feared for the well being of his parents. I was a friend who feared for the security of his actor’s home. They threatened to burn down Kishore Kadam’s house if I did not show up at the village. They refused to stop thrashing me and painting me black until I agreed. The police did not want me to visit Danda village and apologize. They feared that they would be unable to grant me protection. But I wanted to move on. I wanted to erase all memories of this dastardly attack, this blatant violation of my human rights. I thought I had moved on.

The latest threat to Karan Johar about similar innocuous references to Mumbai as Bombay reminded me that whatever happens, the scars of that shameful week will never be erased. The wounds will never heal. It was a similar situation then. There was a Congress government in the state and the Shiv Sena needed to make it’s ‘marathi’ presence felt. Today the situation is doubly dangerous. A bigger film-maker. Not one but two cancerous organizations – the Shiv Sena and MNS. The jihadis have Osama. Gujarat has Modi. Maharashtra has the Thackerays.

I spent last night reliving the horror of nine years ago. I spent a sleepless night. I was tormented by visions of my cowardice. I awoke to find my being filled with anger. Once again, the blood suckers have succeeded. One more film-maker bites the dust. The vicious, self proclaimed messiahs of the marathi manoos have triumphed. They persecuted me. I apologized. They harassed the Bachchans. They apologized. They threatened Karan Johar. He apologized.

Today, I apologize. I apologize for being a selfish, cowardly citizen of an impotent country. I apologize for pretending to express through cinema. Who said cinema is a powerful medium of expression? Who said that it reflects society? The only cinema in our country is the political drama that unfolds every day. The only real protagonists are the goondas who portray such convincing politicians. And the antagonists are all of us who retreat into their supposedly secure lives, happy to carry on living as persecuted citizens of Bombay. Sorry Mumbai.

Dear Sirs, where were you then ? Dil Pe Nahi Liya?

Lil late but it surely counts for the archives. So, here it is..a half page advertisement by Red Chillies Entertainment (Shah Rukh Khan ?) in the Shiv Sena mouthpiece Samna, wishing Uddhav Thackeray all the best for his birthday. As they say, in Bollywood there are no permanent friends or foes!

FLASHBACK

After Guru released, one morning we woke up to a big shock! Amitabh Bachchan had put a full page ad in all the major national dailies, and had put out all the congratulatory smses that he received for his Beta Bachchan. Private messages meant for him became advertisement! And some of the filmy people of Bollylalaland who send these kind of smses every friday to every filmmaker whose films releases, just to make them happy, were surprised, shocked and embarassed too. They never imagined that it will go to print.

PRESENT

After Raavan has been butchered by critics and its BO fate seems doomed, Beta Bachchan has gone completely silent. Infact he has moved to Football fever! Bet something surely is fishy there because citizens of bollylalaland go on and on and on about their films pre & post-release. Surprisingly, there are no post-release promotional events too!

On the other hand, daddy Amitabh Bachchan is still active on twitter. In reply to Jitesh Pillaai, Editor of FilmUnfare, he has explained why Beera’s Bakbakbak looks so illogical in the film…first the tweets in text form….then the screenshot of the twitter page and a closer look, if you cant read.

@jiteshpillaai Agree, Jitesh ..gather lot of merited film edited out, causing inconsistent performance and narrative,but what presentation !

@jiteshpillaai Yes it was all there, but sadly edited. Abhishek’s erratic behavior was due to symbolic 10 heads visually appearing..contd about 3 hours ago

@jiteshpillaai contd ..and each giving him different attitudes to adopt for a situation, he would then finally shake them off and decide .. about 3 hours ago

@jiteshpillaai ..in the edit all the visual heads got cut and you see a confused Beera expression and wonder why .. it was after he removed about 3 hours ago

@jiteshpillaai .the other head visuals from his thinking.. in the edit you see the after effect of that thinking process, hence inconsistent about 3 hours ago

So, is Mr Sreekar Prasad & Mani Ratnam listening ? As they say, for every successful film, there are million daddies and for every bad one, its a bastard child!

Yes, not one, two, but three films. And so, we are back with a new conspiracy theory. First, it was Anurag Kashyap’s Paanch. Like everyone else, we also thought that after years of frustration the filmmaker must have leaked it out online himself. Then came Sudhir Mishra’s Tera Kya Hoga Johnny. And now a film titled Mr Singh Mrs Mehta by debutanat director Parvesh Bharadwaj. So, whats common between all the three films ?

Well, they all got leaked out online much before their theatrical release. And all these three films have a common name in the credit roll – Tutu Sharma. Conclusion ? Our guess is as good as yours. Is it him ? If yes, why so ? If not, why isn’t he taking any action ? And if not him, who could it be ? And if someone else, then why isn’t Mr Tutu Sharma bothered to find it out !

Time for Mr Holmes & Dr Watson ? Because we don’t have the answer. Or can anyone enlighten us please!

(PS – Mr Singh Mrs Mehta is making headlines because of a nude scene of Aruna Shields…much like  the way Kate Winslet posed and Leonardo painted her in Titanic. Here the painter is Prashant/Prroshant/Proshant/Whatever Narayanan.)

PJ – As a reviewer wrote, ” Perhaps Prakash Jha is just punning on his initials, and laughing at us all”. We thought its priceless and deserves to be QOTD! But who knew that PJ would really get down to play dirty and stupid politics. First story is our conspiracy theory and second, our sources say, is cent percent true. And if second story is true, then we are sure about the first one too.

Here is the conspiracy theory. Padmaja Thakore posted a review of Fart-neeti on PFC, and in not so kind words. Two days later, the post vanished. No reason was given, where and how. And if you have been following Padmaja Thakore’s posts, then its not difficult to figure out how strongly she defends her reviews. Suddenly withdrawl symptoms! Why ?

We were curious and tried to put two plus two together. We found out that she is married to filmmaker Manish Tiwari who made his debut with Dil Dosti Etc. The film was produced by Prakash Jha. According to our theory, PJ must have got to know about the review and didn’t take it lightly. Ghar ka bhedi Bivishan, ok, Bivishan’s wife ( Yes, if they can take Mahabharata route, we are going Ramayan way). And thats why, without any reason Padamaja Thakore removed her Raajneeti post from PFC. If you are still interested in reading it, click here to read the post. Courtesy – Google cache!

Now, the fact. We have got to know that PJ has been calling the big bosses of one of the popular websites and has threatened to sue them and their reviewer. Reason ? Their Fart-neeti review and the reviewer’s hilarious pricesless quotes on him and his Fart-neeti film. It seems PJ, unlike his intials, doesnt have a funny bone. And our sources say that this news is cent percent true. If this is true, we are sure that our conspiracy theory is correct too.

Whats more, this is not the first time that PJ is doing it. When his film Apaharan released, something similar had happened. The film had a tie-up with one of the major hindi news channels. But when the channel gave a bad review to the film, PJ called up the person concerned and got into an altercation, on how they can give bad review to the film when they are channel partner! Since then, the two have not been on talking terms!

Someone need to tell Mr PJ that any kind of partnership doesnt mean that you own the editorial right over any kind of content! Unless, its Khat-Ni LajMi ! And yes Mr PJ, now we know why you lost the elections, not once but twice. Think big, play politics at bigger level, not dirty & petty ones!

PS – And after all this, we read a profile of PJ in the latest issue of Tehelka that portrays him as a man born with instinctive love for risk! Yawwwwnnn…..we have happily moved to Open!

PPS – Dont get us wrong, we also used to love his films. But then, his “films” used to deal with politics and not “him”! Now its all just a PJ!

Here was our bet! And yes, she doesn’t disappoint! And like always, we are again damn right! Ok, tired of saying it. BTW, we are being warned from different sides – Karara jawab denge! We replied – Hum dekhengepar jo kahenge sach kahenge….

And if you are still interested in reading the review, click here.

The name is La-zmi. KhatNi La-zmi! She is known for starting her ”stars” count from three. Give her any movie to review and it will be three. We follow a simple thumb rule when it comes to her star ratings. La-zami’s 2 stars = zero. So, 3 = 0+1 = 1, 4 = 2 and 5 = 3. Try it out for any movie and it works every time.

Plus, she also has the distinction of being the only film critic in India who even plagiarised a film review!  Ooh la la! What a Tale it was, Shark Tale. And that too from Roger Ebert’s review. Aur bolo ? And if you were in your nappies those days, you can click here and here to read more about the scandal. If you are reading the first link, do check out the comment section (4th comment) for complete proof of her xerox machinery!

And after all this, she still has her job with India’s one of the biggest media group (ok, giant). Plus,  there is more! Remember how her Kurbaan review suddenly made it to the front page of Bombay Times on that bloody friday!

We are exactly not sure who get to make how much for every “star” that matters and for moving the review from Page 8 to 1st Page! But someone surely is busy counting.  And it cant be only her!  But here comes the best part – it didn’t help the makers and distributors of the film any bit. The film bombed and how!

Ask any Delhiwallah and they will happily tell you how exclusive screenings are held for her. Ok, she may be plus size (or XXXL or whatever) but she surely doesnt need the entire theatre to herself. Why aren’t other critics invited for the same ? Brownie “stars” & more! It happened during Paa too. And when some of the Delhi based critics raised their voice, Amitabh Bachchan apologised about the same. Now after all that history, here is the latest dope!

We are sure, cent percent sure! The makers of Raajneeti have already shown the film to her. Only her. Almost a week before the release. And she has confirmed her rating to them! Four fucking stars! Not sure who fucked whom, where, how and in what position but its gonna happen. We are willing to bet! Unless our blogpost manages to make enough noise for her/publication to change it from 4 to 3.5 stars! But if the group is involved and cheques have been passed, then aandhi aaye ya toofan, its gonna be four, fucking four!

And its not only her and the publication, the makers of the film are no lesser culprit. BTW, do we see a pattern here ? Its from the same production house! Have they cracked a “stars” subscription deal ? Looks like. As the dude sang, The Times They Are A-Changin’…..just that we didn’t realise that it will go to the other extreme!

UPDATE – We returned home and switched on the tv, it was Bambai se gayee Poona, Poona se gayee Patna n blah blah blah on SetMax. That was Juhi Chawla. But guess who else is singing…delhi se gayee bambai, rating meri bhi bik gayee! Same old Khat-Ni Lajmi. We got lil wrong on the location info. It seems she was shown the film in Mumbai and NOT in Delhi. And the makers flew her from Delhi To Mumbai to screen the film for her. Now, we are gonna bet its 4.fucking5 stars!

Wondering why we are wasting so much energy, time and space on this certain Mr Joginder Tuteja…naah..we like the surname Chutreja! Who is he ? Really! Ok, take a look at the following two pics…

This is a screen grab from the film Jaane Kahaan Se Aayi hai. And Mr Chutreja gets an opening credit in the film, as “Editorial Advisor”. And that too, all solo. Even Chetan Bhagat didnt get that. BTW, can someone please explain to us the contribution of “Editorial Advisor”. Now check this out.

Here is the print ad that quotes the same Chutrejaji, unless there are two Joginder Tutejas.

So, Chutrejaji has given 4 fucking stars to Jaane Kahan Se Aayi Hai! Even Nikhat Kazmi has given 3.5 (count that 1.5. Because her maths is all wrong. Count her 2 stars = zero. Then it fits well. Try it next time). So, is this the role of “Editorial Advisor” ? 4 stars ? And how unethical it is to review a film in which you have an opening credit! Will the real Mr Tuteja or Chutreja please stand up! And he writes for PTI! Aur bolo ?

Can someone please explain this to us ? Or is it just namesake ? If so, we are sorry but please tell us the role of “Editorial Advisor”. We would love to try our luck there. Bet it includes a fat cheque too! For the rest, well, if this is the state of affairs, film criticism better be dead. Let A O Scott argue as much as he wants too. Long live Chutrejas!

Can someone please tell Ramu that you cant fool everyone all the time. You surely can make a joke of yourself by making one stupid film after another and still talking and giving gyaan like a Gyaan Guru. Get that GG avatar out of your heard, sir!

As if making horrible films is not a crime, Ram Gopal Varma has gone a step further. Ram Gopal Varma has always been Ram Gimmick Varma and he is still trying his luck with it.

For Phoonk, they ran a contest daring people to watch it in the theatre alone. Rules and regulations were not clear. And nobody knows what happened finally. Who watched, how, where, when. There were allegations that it was rigged. No answers.

Ramu did something similar for Agyaat too. It was a short film contest where it was announced that the winner will get to direct a film. We had put out a post on the same and when readers asked about the winner we had no clue. It seems no winner was announced and there were no prizes. Everything remained Agyaat! And here is the comment posted on our blog by one of the participants…

Has RGV become a fraud? This contest is a fraud on indian public. If u write on his blog asking about contest, ur comment will be DELETED. Try it urself. If makin bad films was not enuf he’s now cheating public with fake contest. That man has lost all sense of shame.

Ram Gimmick Varma is back again! For Phoonk 2. We would suggest, DONT trust the man and his gimmicks. But if you still want to, here is the official release on the contest.

The PHOONK 2 Scare Contest

• Before the release of “PHOONK” we had challenged that if any viewer could dare to see the film sitting all alone in a theatre and not run out scared he will get a Cash Prize of Rs.5 Lakhs.

• The contestant who took the challenge didn’t even last for 30mins and ran out of the theatre.

• After the release, some people alleged that the contest was rigged (Huh! Is it a way to admit it ? ) and that they never felt fear while watching the film. So now without going into a pointless argument on the same, we the Phoonk 2 team have decided to open ourselves to a scientific evaluation of that claim.

• For “PHOONK 2” we are going to implement our Contest in a very scientific way as never ever done before in the history of Cinema anywhere across the World. The viewer who will claim that he is not going to get scared will be fitted with a ECG machine while he is watching Phoonk 2 which will monitor his Heartbeat and Pulse rate and this will be shown live on a screen outside the theatre to both the Media and all concerned.

• A normal person according to professionals has a certain average heartbeat and when subjected to any kind of an intense emotion the beats will considerably go up. So if the challenger claims that he had no fear while watching Phoonk 2 the monitor will tell whether he is lying or not and on the other hand if he can control his fear and thereby his heartbeat and not let it cross his normal heartbeat then he will get to win the cash prize.

• The PHOONK 2 Team DARES any viewer to take this Challenge and watch PHOONK 2.

• We intend to launch the contest on 10th March on our official website www.phoonk2.in . This contest is Restricted to only healthy people with no history of Cardiac disease and also only to people who are between 18 and 60 years of age.

• The contest will be open for people across INDIA and based on a computerized random draw people will be shortlisted, who then further will have to give a medical indemnification for further selection by our team and a medical professional who will eventually single out the final Challenger to be subjected to the test. The Challengers normal heartbeat will be recorded before and while the screening is happening. We will also make sure that the contestant is actually watching the film without closing his eyes by shooting him Live through a night vision camera and showing his facial expressions to the media and all concerned on a screen outside the theatre. If at all he wins this challenge he will be awarded the Prize money right at the Venue in front of everybody.

PS: For any unforeseen situations an Ambulance will be on standby at the Theatre to monitor the contestants.

Phhonk 2 is directed by Milind Gadagkar and stars Sudeep, Neeru Bajwa, Amruta Khanvilkar and Ahsaas Channa. The film is releasing on 9th April 2010