Archive for the ‘gossipmongers’ Category

There is a new twist in the tale. Film Federation of India has written a letter to Ritesh Batra after all the Oscar hullabaloo.

Read on.

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(PS – What’s with ???)

Dhen tedan! The B-town insider, our Gossip Girl is back with her new quota of B-town goss. Have fun! But first, why she enjoys writing it. Aha. And a deadly last line. You go girl.

How many people truly “know” their icons? How many have the opportunity delve into their personal lives and actually witness the person behind a carefully constructed image?

It’s a true testimony to our times that we never really know the “product” and consider the “brand” to be a reality.

So lets not be fooled by the superfluous personas of these so called “stars”. They’re very much human, armed with real personalities and real “kinks”. They eat/sleep/defecate/reproduce just like all of us, so lets try not to buy into the illusion because their make believe world goes beyond the movies they star in.

What we read about our icons, political or film celebrities is filtered through elaborate mechanisms of PR and marketing genius but all we know is that we’re fascinated enough with these people to pour over every written word about them, ONLY because they nominated themselves for this position in society – we tear them apart, support them, laugh with them, cry for them. They live in our minds, hearts and bedrooms, but I find it unfair that its never the other way round.

Which is why I piece together this column – most of them eye witness accounts by the peoples that spend night and day working to maintain the polish that these stars claim as their own hard work. Even though the majority of the hard work is the boy who holds the stars umbrella in sweltering heat, catering to him/her freshly cooked nutritious food, the person plucking their eyebrows and waxing their legs at a moments notice, the people who spend their morning and nights and a chunk of their lives trying to organize things just so that some XYZ celebrity doesn’t get pissed off and walk off set and stall production for some of nonsensical demand that has nothing to do with cinema at all. So you get the idea, and not to further divert from the job at hand, here goes a couple of stories that have bounced on this girl’s big ears recently.

A shy star son, known to shield himself from the media because of immense insecurities about his receding hairline is rumored to have been spotted at the notorious red light district of Mumbai. It is said that he arrived in a luxury car and pulled up in one of the many different lanes in this locality in the middle of one night.

The lane that he pulled up in exclusively catered to peoples with tastes for the transgendered variety of sex workers. And aptly titled “Gandu bageecha”. One of the workers there who divulged this piece information stated that after picking up someone of his choice and inviting him/her into the car, he pointed a (gun?) to the prostitute’s head and then got his demands fulfilled. The details of the demands were also shared with me but I guess its best not to go there.

The actor remains aloof to the media only appearing for promotional purposes, for the one off odd films that he signs. With a dwindling career, a dwindling hairline and supposedly dwindling finances – he remains single. He is supposed to have a brother who is also rumored to swing both ways, however nothing has been confirmed or denied by the actors in question though a lot has been speculated about their sexuality over the years.

A strange turn out considering the father of these boys – a shining star of the yesteryear was rumoured to be a complete play boy- has been married twice, has a bunch of kids, and gave it all up to become a sadhu. He hastily exited grihastya ashram for Sanyas in his mid fiftees and joined a popular spiritual movement, which by any standards is just another corporation scamming white people and spiritual enthusiasts with money for donations.

I guess a sense of confusion seems to run in the family.

Another case that came to light about a star wandering in the shanties of Mumbai was about this southern sensation, an actor that hit Bollywood a few years ago in an extremely popular semi-patriotic multi-starrer. And even though he has appeared in only a couple of Bollywood projects since, he seems to carry his southern stardom and a chip on his shoulder wherever he goes. The actor is already popular for his temper tantrums, anyone who wants to get in touch with him is advised not to call him post 8pm – the time when he is busy polishing off bottles of booze, usually paid for by production.

Recently on the sets of another multi starrer the actor is supposed to be playing a pivotal role in, the actor demanded exclusivity on every thing, even though the rest of the star cast (with reasonably big names) was being treated democratically. The producers were fed up of his unreasonable demands and constant complaints but kept up face as the director was completely convinced about him for that particular role.

First he refused to attend rehearsal with the full cast because he didn’t want to face one of his ex-girlfriends, a blue blooded actress, who is known to have dumped him after a tumultuous tryst with his huge ego, flaring anger and a love for the bottle.

So he is said to have blackmailed the director into rescheduling the entire programme, much to the dislike of another southern actress – a part of the cast, who is supposed to have been dumped by him after some ungentlemanly behavior on the actors part.

The southy actress wanted to behave professionally and got on with the show without complaint but the actor misunderstood this gesture as an act of submission and is said to have constantly taken digs at the southy actress.

So after making production run around for his special demands on an already difficult film set, the actor is supposed to have refused to show up for his dubbing sessions once the film hit post production. Apparently unhappy about the fact that he was not booked into a hotel of his liking ( a 5 star) even though he was flown into Bombay only for a couple of hours of work. So after springing demand after expensive demand, making the production run helter skelter, changing his air tickets and extending his stay, even though his work was finished, the drunk actor demanded a car for himself in the middle of the night. And though production was not obliged to do anything anymore, they did it for the sake of peace and good relations. He, then, is supposed to have instructed his half asleep driver to go to a small and filthy slum with zig-zag lanes, and disappeared there for a few hours whilst his driver waited. It is not clear what the actor was doing in a down trodden area in the middle of the night but according to reports he came back as intoxicated as he had left and caught his flight the next morning by a cats whisker. The production house has sworn to not to ever cast him again.

It is a pity that this actor is gaining such a reputation, as he has a genuine spark of talent that could be explored only if he allowed himself to behave. But then again, any measure of popularity comes with its own baggage, and often people in the spotlight have to go beyond themselves to feel normal and anonymous – just like this writer.

Why so serious? asked a friend of ours. It’s just a film. What happened to all the fun? And then he introduced us to GossipGirl, an insider in B-town and a new member to the club. And so we are back with “Aao Guess Karein”. Do welcome the Gossip Girl and over to her now. Read on.

This once A-lister female actress who has been out of work for a couple of years after a failed serious relationship with an illustrious member of Bombay’s financial fraternity, has taken very seriously to drugs. Once a household name for her ferocious independence and vivacious image, she is very quickly and steadily descending into the “forgotten” category.

The story goes that her come-back vehicle,  a cheesy romance film, which she is producing herself,  being shot  in  Europe, with a new model turned actor for the hero, has been running into major production trouble.

70% of the crew has quit in the very first schedule and are known to have been demanding to be flown back to India due to the lack of organization, a number of heads of production fired – there is nobody to take the blame, because apparently madam producer has frequent foul mood swings and is constantly taking short breaks to run to the bathroom or to her trailer (sniff, sniff), and appears soon after as a completely different person, but there is no real brain coordinating the production of the film. The crew that has quit has been receiving calls from the hapless director and the lead actor of the film, almost begging them to return to salvage whatever little they can from the situation.

It is to be believed that in the rushes of the film the actress is looking almost 10 years older than her real age and the script doesn’t seem to be holding itself together, all combined with this new model /actor opposite her gives out the aura of a premature mid life crisis that the actress maybe going through.

Sources from an international film that the actress was a part of a few years ago, suggest that she was pulled up for her constant sniffing by the director (she would appear with white powder trickling from her nose) – she was immediately barred from all narcotic activities on set.  The film however, was a flop, adding another feather to the actress’ dwindling career.

Other industry sources claim that she comes from a group of elite socialites, that include other A-list actors , that are known for having wild parties with generous supplies of good quality drugs at the venues which are usually the bungalows or homes of these people, some even suggest that her ex-boyfriend used to be the one supplying (due to political & business connections at high places) to the elite coke-heads of Bombay.

This a small insight to the otherwise dark, drug-laden, insecure place that the Bombay film industry stands for, it is too well decorated for anyone to see the real dramas of the existences of so called super stars in this day and age.

Another case of drunken misbehaviour by an actor
He is a common face on prime time television, has been around in the industry for almost two decades – after a failed beginning in Bollywood in the 80’s , this actor in question stayed afloat by providing security services,  to other Bollywood Stars, he is cashing in on a recent spate of  good luck with a few off beat, award winning  Indie films.  A good actor and a  decently behaved human being otherwise he has been witnessed losing himself when he hits the bottle.

Recently, the news about a drunken driving accident involving the actor were also doing the rounds, but were quickly hushed up.

Story goes that on the sets of an International multi-starrer (a film that is most likely to cause extreme political controversy when it is released)  being shot on the coastal shores of a southern country in the subcontinent, the actor in question (who is married  with a kid) picked up a local questionable lady during one of his drinking binges at the local casinos in the city.

This lady was then brought as his  guest to an evening party that the crew was hosting – apparently the actor, was insisting on pushing one of the senior heads of department into the pool, and when he resisted, the actor got immensely angry and started tossing the furniture into the pool, his local lady friend tried to intervene but was brusquely pushed aside (and got slightly injured) by the out of control actor and if that wasn’t enough, the actor then inappropriately grabbed the chest of a female crew member.

Now for the sake of continuity, the man had to be tolerated by every one on crew. Incidentally he is playing the role of a violent alcoholic  in the film and sources close to the renowned director of the film suggest that his performance is standing out and shining – talk about drawing inferences from private life, just pray that you are not in the path of this actor when he is drunk!

If sources are to be believed, a certain perfectionist star- whose films are always being awaited with high anticipation,  has suddenly pushed the release date for his upcoming  and anticipated Suspense film, to the latter end of 2012- because of screechingly close similarities in the story line of a recently released woman centric twist in the tale drama, that is getting all the  applauds and accolades and has been declared a super hit,  (a third in the row for the actress/star of the film).

The perfectionists film, directed by a close friend of the star’s wife- was earlier supposed to release in June, it seems that they are forced to eat humble pie and delay the film  to make necessary changes to the narrative and structure  to steer as far away from similarities as they possibly can at this point when the film has already been shot.

The star of the film, who is known to be interfering and controlling in every aspect of any film that he is involved in has recently had a spate of ill luck, as a television show that he’s supposed to host, that has been in the making and research for a few years now, broke into a fire.
Let’s see what a midas touch can do to the lack of originality in this industry.

Yes, thats the cake. And no, its not a typo for PLUM cake. Its a SLUM cake! Aur bolo ? Not only the idea is disgusting but even it looks fugly! Imagine, you are eating a slum at a birthday party. How moronic! Well, its Bollylalaland. It was Javed Akhtar’s idea, cut by Shabana Azmi and bollywood biggies danced their way to glory.

Click here to read to Guardian piece on slum cake. Click here for the party pics and here for the party report. And if you wondering about Vidya Balan’s weird wardrobe, well, headgear was the theme of the party.

In yesterday’s Mint Lounge I-Day Special Edition Sidin Vadukut had a piece where he argued that Twitter is better than blog. Just 140 characters, say it, over and out. But we don’t agree. What do you do when you have to make a list ? So, we are back to a post which was in drafts for long time. And what better day than I-Day to put it out.

So, here is our list of Top 10 Twitteraties who blocked us in the last one year or so. And some, for damn fcuk funny reasons. Its time to celebrate our gag order and do tell us who blocked you and for what ? In no particular order…the new members of Fight Club Hall Of Shame…read on…

1. Mahesh Bhatt – He makes us feel that Itchgaurd will never make a loss till he is alive. But he gave us some brillant movies too. He is the biggest importer of talent from across the border, at the cheapest possible rate. But we loved his book A Taste Of Life too.

This time he was tweeting about how the Copyright Bill is not good for Bollywood. We decided to burst his tweets, retweeted them with the correct facts, that how its going to stop the exploitation of lyricists, singers, composers and how they will finally be able to retain the copyright of their compositions. With no straight arguements in hand (ok, may be he was busy itching), he clicked the BLOCKED button.

2. Vikram Bhatt – If Uncle is here, can the nephew be far behind! The director delivered more than dozen duds, all in a row. But we loved the HT Cafe covers that he wrote when Khalid Mohamed was the editor there. Aha, that love story also went kaput. Back to our story.

He tweeted – Mahakshay Chakraborty is the next big thing. Whoever disagrees has something coming! And we dared to disagree. Which sane person wouldn’t ? BTW, Mahakshay is MIMOH reloaded! And when we reacted in the nasty possible way, he told us – don’t be in too much of a hurry to write someone’s obituary. You are not even what he is.

But as Arnab Goswami would put it The country wants to know, who wants to be Mimoh or Mahaskahy and why ? Tell us NOW! Not us and we don’t know anyone with such  a wish. But we have to thank him, he made us bit more (in)famous!

3. Shirish Kunder – This is our favourite story! It seems he discovered Adaptation quite late and tweeted that its a brillant film written by Charlie & Donald Kaufman. We corrected him. There is nobody called Donald. He again tweeted that how Charlie & Donald Kaufman were nominated for the Oscar Award for Adaptation. We again corrected him and retweeted that Donald Kaufman doesn’t exist. And don’t expect us to be sober when we are telling you something about someone whom we consider to be the God of screenwriting. And then boom..Blocked.

BTW, we think he shot some of the songs in Jaaneman superbly. His next is JOKER with Akshay Kumar. #JGrin. Get ready for all the puns, Mr. Donald Duck!

4. Sajid Khan – Aha, the gasbag! What do you call someone who made supershits like Heyy Potty and Housedull ? Not Filmmaker for sure. We call him Pottymaker. You need some talent to make such expensive potties and make people eat it too!

The last nail in our  BLOCK coffin – he tweeted that Up In The Air was boring. He could not finish the film and stopped it midway. Ooh la la. Reaction and his action! Last heard, he is MIA on Twitterverse. We have started following the fake one.

5. Suhel Seth – Nobody knows about his day job. But we all know  that he is a fuckall actor (Courtesy Pooja Bhatt). Does he sleep in tv studios ? How come he is such an authoritative voice on everything…from Arundhati to Arunachal and Commonwealth Games to Chinese Cuisine ? Does he have a twin brother ? Because sometimes he is on air at 2-3 channels at the same time. HOW ? Plus, he writes Agony Uncle columns too!

Can’t find the piece now but someone wrote a feature on him and enlightened us about his day job. We retweeted it with all our genuine concerns. The Agony Uncle went BANG! We like his Agony Uncle pose though! Check out the pic here,  on the top left-hand corner of the website.

6. Shatrughan Sinha – Can’t locate him on Twitter now but swear, he was there. Was tweeting about his son Luv Sinha’s Saddiyaan. Guess it was the beta tweeting on behalf of daddy dearest. Ok, so we can cover both the Sinhas together. Go check No. 7.

7. Luv Sinha – Who ? Yes, that should be the first question. But then, thats how Bollylalaland operate. Ok, here is the joke of the century. Luv Sinha has two fan clubs on twitter. Here & here. But then, he can reply in another joke – Even Uday Chopra has a fan club. Aur bolo ?Can we please have one too ? Hands up ?

As we were busy cracking Sadiyaan jokes, the baap-beta duo shouted KHAMOSH!

8. Jitesh PillaaiBus naam hi kaafi hai ? Ok, Test your Bolly Quotient – Tell us the name of one editor who calls Sonam Kapoor as My Shona Chona  or something like that ? Well, if you edit the most expensive and glossy  toilet paper in the country, guess you can do so. We were cribbing about the toilet paper for a long time and finally one day he woke up and did the good tweed of the day!

BTW, did Kalmadi order the same toilet paper  from filmUNfare office for CWG? It needs lot of talent to fill so many pages, issue after issue, with so much shit! Oh yeah, finally after ages they did a nice feature recently where they got Dibakar Bannerjee, Zoya Akhtar, Shimit Amin, Anurag Kashyap and Madhur Bhandarkar together for a delicious chat. But Madhur ????

9. Sarita Tanwar – We love Mid Day for all the sleaze and the goss. But she edits the Hit List. We loved the fact that its editor Abhijit Majumder didn’t compromise his stand after his famous altercation with Amitabh Bachchan.

But how can you let anyone to rate Once Upon A Time In Mumbai 4.5/5 stars!!!?? Even more than Peepli Live and many other such films. We happily crowned her the Jackass Critic Of The Week. And there she went…chore ko toh dikhte hai sab chor!

BTW, a bitchy actress called up to say that by the weekend she was celebrating the success of OUATIM at her best friend and producer Ekta Kapoor’s party. And she makes it to our sHIT List!

10. Like all those morons who dedicate their tweets to Anupam Kher, this one is dedicated to all those nameless and faceless creatures who blocked as for all the right reasons. Go kiddos, make your list and make us more famous. We Love Hate Storys and We Are Family for sure! Aha, KJo always comes so handy! Even on I-Day!

This time POTD is not Pic Of The Day but its PICK Of The Day. Take a closer look at both the pics and pick the odd wig man out! Both the pics are from the music release function of Rajinikanth & Aishwarya Rai starrer Robot (Endhiran).

And if you think its a futile exercise, click here. Its even made to Answers.com page. So, don’t put the blame on us. We have never been able to understand the reason though. And he is so desperate that even when he is being taken to the hospital on a stretcher bed, he doesn’t forget to cover it. Scroll down and  take a closer look at the pic….aha, the hand!

Dear Boss, you can do everything. Can you please crack this puzzle ?

Moving to Junior B. The kid who is tweeting for his new film Khelein Hum Jee Jaan Sey should be immediately banned from Twitterverse. Why ? Check out this timeline. They did 24 hours countdown to reveal a new KHJJS pic of Junior B. Here is another puzzle…tell us whats so special about this pic ?

Their answer – Its part one of our independence Day surprise.

Our answer – Please take back our independence if this is the surprise!

We are sure that by now everyone knows the hottest word after “Paul” is “Jackass”. And if you are one of those who are still in wonderland, click here and here to read what,why,when and how it happened!

And it seems that Jackass Kumar and Big Buddhu B soon realised their mistake. It was backlash from every side. And in order to cover up the mess, they score a WTF hattrick. Today Bombay Blunder Times carried a story on their last page stating that it was their idea. WOW! To quote from the article….

But the point is this: Akshay Kumar didn’t visit Laxman in hospital to promote his film. It was our idea. He is, after all, playing the great cartoonist’s Common Man in his next release Khatta Meetha. At 86, ailing for close to a month, deprived of speech, struggling to get back movement, Laxman welcomes visitors. The alert and curious eyes light up, the handshake is firm and he refuses to let visitors go. They make him feel better. His wife Kamala and daughter-in-law Usha report a difference in his progress when people are around. “Akshay’s visit really made him happy, he perked up,” says Usha.

Everybody is welcome to visit Laxman, he’s on the 7th floor, room 712 of the hospital. Akshay Kumar took the time to do so. Who’s next?

Click here to go the epaper version of TOI. Select Bombay Times and then go to the last page of  14th July 2010 issue. Of course, they had no choice but to take the blame because the whole world knows the keyword called “medianet”. And it means if we want to inaugurate our new potty with Jackass Kumar grining next to it, it can come on the first page of Blunder Times. One just has to sign a fat cheque.

And whats worse, they have put out a new pic. The grin has vanished! Jackass Kumar is now all sober. Take a look.

This is the worst possible idea after making that mistake. Its confirms that they also realised the crime they committed! And today  Madhavan Narayanan, journalist/columnist with Hindustan Times, tweeted…

A source close to Laxman family has mailed me saying they were “not happy” with Akki’s behavior.

He even put out a post on the whole issue and also clarified that he knows the family. To quote his previous tweet…

I used to work 10 feet away from Mr. Laxman in TOI and we used to watch him in awe. His son was a colleague as well.

Click here to read his kickass post on the Jackass controversy. So, whats next ? What will the combo of Jackass Kumar and Blunder Times deliver. We are waiting and how!