F.i.g.h.t C.l.u.b

Sigh! Never felt so bad, sad, sleepy and my (single) head spinning at the same time! Blame it on Raavan’s ten heads! But where were they ? Remained all inside Ratnam’s head only.

First a confession – Its not a review. As usual, just some ramblings. Because a movie so bad and that too coming from one of the best filmmakers of our country, am not in my senses yet.

Second confession – Since my nappy days, as long as i remember, have fallen asleep in a movie theatre only thrice. First, it was Haan Maine Bhi Pyaar Kiya Hai. Second time, it was Saawariya and third time, its Raavan. Falling asleep during Ratnam film, its blasphemous! I know, guilty as charged! But do watch the film and then, lets talk.  Anyway, after coming out of the theatre, i quickly called up a friend to figure out what i missed during those precious minutes, and realised that it was a high point of the film’s (poly)graph!

Am still not sure how and where to start. Yeah, credit roll looks superb. And so do, lot of shots. You can take that as a guarantee for any Ratnam film anyway. And this time he teams up with Santosh Sivan. Has to be magic! But how many picture postcards can you stare at ? Plus, there is distraction by Abhishek Bachchan’s growling (reminded me of Anil Kapoor’s irritating dialogue delivery style in Tashan) and Aishwarya Rai’s shrieks and screams in squeaky voice! And poor Vikram (was expecting so so much), he is just the RayBan guy in slo-mo! Even Govinda and Ravi Kishen have more lines than him and are actually best suited for their roles.

You get to see Raavan’s much hyped ten heads only in the credit roll. After that, its only Rahman’s african sounds main-ghumanjalo-aaa -ghumen-jaloooo or whatever it is. The entire first half is only chase sequence. It starts with a bang, grabs you instantly and then drags on and on and on and on till interval. In between, suddenly there is a flashback sequence in Vikram’s voice and it seems he is narrating his own story to himself. (BTW, has anyone still figured out who was narrating Raajneeti’s flashback sequence  and to whom and where he suddenly vanishes! If you know, do enlighten)

Am guessing we all know the basic plot of the film. But the funniest part is the way Raavan falls in love with Sita (or Ragini). Its her free fall from the cliff and he falls in love with her! Never before has “falling in love” being shot so literally.

Have always believed that when it comes to shooting songs in Hindi films, nobody can beat Mani Ratnam. And this time, he proves that theory wrong too. You dont remember a single song after coming out of the theatre. Infact, I was ROFLOL when the romantic number between Vikram & Aishwarya played on screen. He is eating, she is dancing, he is sleeping, she is  dancing, he is staring, she  is dancing, he is having drinks, she is dancing, he wants breakfast, she is dancing and making it, he wants to make love, she is still dancing. And all in weird poses! This is suppose to be the love quotient of Vikram-Aishwaryaaaaaarrrrggggghhhhhh! Give me that Arvind Swamy-Manisha Koirala’s hide & seek dance anyday! A stare here, a peek there – aha, magic!

Coming to Raavan’s politics, this time also Ratnam has played it all safe. The place, setting, language, customs, clothes –  its all vague. Where is Laal Maati ? Who are its native people ? Tribals, villagers, naxalites ? Why is Abhishek Bachchan’s name Beera Munda ? Is it a take on the tribal leader Birsa Munda ? Otherwise, who are these Mundas ?

Post interval, the story moves a little bit taking plot points from Ramayan. Shurpanakha’s naak is pulled and they even try to create a  Bivishan. And then all of a sudden, its dhoom-dhaam-dhadaap and i went to sleep….zzzzzzz. Woke up to realise that Ratnam has proved how Ram can be Raavan and Raavan can be Ram. Blame it on the character (poly)graph in the story. The best joke in the film. And as they say, rest is history.

Feeling much bad for the cast and  crew. Because you can see the rough terrain in which the film has been shot. Add water to  those rough locations, Ratnam-Sivan gets a hard on, making it more strenuous for themselves and everyone else! Its easy to spot that how much effort has gone into it. The bridge scene is one of the best scenes ever shot in a hindi film because its all real location…its takes your breath away. But then, you come back to the BIG picture and it doesn’t make any sense in any way.

Mani Saar – What were you smoking, drinking, doing ? Even if its untrue, please declare it just once that you didn’t direct this film. Put the blame on someone else. Just a fictitious name will also do. Will  feel little better and will be able to sleep peacefully tonight. I still can’t believe its you!

(PS – I can bet that the first half of the film has been made on the edit table. Have confirmed it too. There is not a single scene which makes sense. Its only montages, which jumps from one to another, and looks choppy without making sense of any kind of narrative. )