Archive for the ‘WTF’ Category

FilmfareTry these three steps if you are in desperate need for some cash.

First – Pick up any recent issue of Filmfare.

2nd – Lets put the bet. You say – Filmfare sucks!

3rd – Open the magazine. You will win!

Because week after week, they suck! And they are getting better at sucking upto the stars. The recent issue is a fashion special (ROFL, do they know the meaning of “special”? ) and they prove it again. It got nothing except the great cover pic ( Imran Khan & Sonam Kapoor). DONT buy and waste your money. Trust us! 

And here goes our dissection ( not specific to this issue) –

Editorial – Jitesh Pillai’s editorial should get the Razzies immediately, if there is any such award for editorial piece! He still sound like a star-stuck kid, and issue after issue he has the same thing to say….how much hard work they have put in the current copy! His editorial sounds more like a press release issued by some star’s publicist. Dude, go watch some “cinema”, look beyond the stars, stop sucking them for a while and if nothing works out, get a job as some star’s secretary. Your sucking up will help you for sure.  . 

Gossip – they serve old thakela goss. Read Mid-day and Mumbai Mirror instead and you get the best gossip every morning. Why wait for 2 weeks and pay more! Just for the gloss. Naah, doesnt make sense

Cover Story – Their covers are only A-list stars. There are hardly 20 A-list stars. And Filmfare has to do 24 covers in a year. They repeat, its d same shitty cycle – SRK, Aamir, Kareena, Saif, Bachchan and the same set of boring oooh-di-la-lah questions with equally boring answers! What are you eating, have you lost or gained weight, what are you shooting, nothing beyond that.

Interviews – They got the worst team of writers. Its a serious competition out there, who can write the worst piece. Since last few issues they are trying to have a more personal approach but nothing adds up to the drab copy. Do they even have copy editors ?

Sneak Peek – Here they still score some points, sometimes. May be, once in two months. Because they have one thing for sure. Access to the stars.

Features – Not a single damn bright idea! You wonder if the smooth glossy paper will make your arse feel better if you can use it for toilet paper!

Trend stories – They are the last one to spot the trends, after its been done to death in newspapers,magazine and tv channels.

Photo feature – Yes, they get the biggies here and some great pics too. But whoever writes the text with those pics, needs to be fired! Now!

Shatrughan Sinha’s Q n A – Is there anything new there ? Ramu’s blogs and his answers are more entertaining. And you dont have to pay for reading blogs.

Last piece – Jitesh, you dont have to do it again! Front and back. Just do it once dude. Or you like it both ways ? Its anyway fuckall, we can do without the bad aftertaste of the concluding piece.

And if you dont agree, just pick up the recent fashion special issue of Filmfare and tell us if you think there is any bright idea there. We will surrender. One page pic, one page of shitty writing, the magazine is full of it. There is nothing that you dont know or havent read. They havent tried anything new. New feature, new way of presenting, new text, nothing!

empireFor all you Filmfare fuckall fellas, here is something tht you must die. Go and check out the latest issue of Empire Magazine, the 20th anniversay special. Its a cover to die for! And you will get what we mean by the “big idea”! Magazine ho to waisa ho, warna na ho!

And oh yeh, we got money from Cineblitz and Stardust to write this nasty piece on Filmfare! Atleast they are honest, they dont suck upto anyone!

Take a look at this new poster of Yashraj Films’ new production Pyaar Impossible. Its the first look of the film.

pyaar impossible

And now let us know if you are thinking what we are thinking. Has Priyanka Chopra lost weight at wrong place ? or is it photoshop gone horrible wrong ? Whats with that manly chest!! Seriously, WTF is that ???!!! We are ROFL! Is that the new “size zero”  ? Or how about “Honey, i shrunk them” as other option for the title of the film ?

Yashraj Films, the banner once known for making their heroines every man’s dream woman has now gone the other extreme! And how! yeh kahaan aa gaye hain hum..

Priyanka, are you reading, listening or seen the pic ? 

Starring Uday Chopra and Priyanka Chopra, its a romantic comedy and is positioned as “ 1 beauty + 1 geek = PI ( Pyaar Impossible)”. Back to men from mars and women from venus concept! Uday plays Abhay, a geeky guy and Priyanka plays Alisha. The film is directed by Jugal Hansraj and will have music by Salim-Suleiman.

For more details about Pyaar Impossible’s story/plot and website, click here. And here are some videos from the on location shoot of the film.

How is that  ? Cool or Daddy Cool ? Actually the news made us happy, damn happy. Well, check out this trailer of the film Daddy Cool. Its produced by Indra Kumar and his partner Ashok Thakeria.

Those have seen the film ‘Death at a funeral’, can easily guess that its a straight lift. And those of you havent seen the film, here is the synopsis of Daddy Cool.

daddy koolSo, what can happen at a funeral? Even, if it’s the funeral of Daddy Cool Douglas Lazarus? It’s in Goa, tears, sad speeches, melancholia… right? Wrong! When… The coffin makers deliver the wrong body.

Good Son Steven Lazarus (Suniel Shetty), an aspiring writer tries to give his father a decent funeral by delivering a eulogy…that includes a description of the rivers of Goa. Having flown in first class younger brother Brian (Ashish Chowdhry), suave, successful and much admired writer from Mumbai, not ready to share responsibility for his mother, saying “He barely has money to support himself and his dogs.” A rather “comfortable” estate agent Pinto (Vijay Patkar) tries to close a house deal for Nancy (Aarti Chabria) Steven’s wife who is trying to get away from her mother-in-law Mrs. Lazarus (Suhasini Mulay) , who though just bereaved, lives up to her title admirably.

A prospective groom Michael (Aftab Shivdasani) to a cousin, Maria (Tulip Joshi), nervous about meeting father-in-law to be (Naseer Abdullah ) comes in completely spaced out because of a hallucinogenic drug given to him out of Maria’s junkie brother Harry’s (Chunky Pandey) bottle of “Relaxo.” A knife-wielding suspicious Jenny (Kim Sharma) finds her husband Carlos (Javed Jaffrey) pleading forgiveness from the red- hot model Ayesha (Sophie Chodhry). While the model, told to bestow her favours on a man in a black suit, in order to feature in an ad film, finds herself in a room full of potential employers.

A repulsive spit on hands and flick back hair, Roadside Romeo kind of aspiring boyfriend, Jim (Vrajesh Hirjee) thinks that even a funeral is an opportunity to impress Maria. A doddering old Uncle Murphy (Prem Chopra) in a wheelchair believes in practicing “rapchick” to get the girls…And then enters a “Blackmailer” Andrew (Rajpal Yadav) who has a scandalous secret about the deceased Douglas “Daddy Cool” Lazarus (Sharat Saxena).

So what does happen is complete melange of madness, chaos, and a laugh a minute! So is it a ‘fun’eral? Or should we say the fun is real?

death at a funeralDeath At A funeral’s story is exactly the same. Whats more, it has midget and copying the same idea they have casted Rajpal Yadav for the same. Great guts, we must say.

According to Mid-day, Indra Kumar had to pay two crore to the producers of Death At A funeral, in an out-of-court settlement. About two months back, the makers sent a legal notice to the Indra and his business partner Ashok Thakeria stating that if the need arose they’d take this matter to court or he should simply offer to buy the rights of the film. The two parties had a meeting last week and Indra and Ashok handed two crore check to them.

We love it! Now they should understand why writers need to be paid more, much more than just peanuts!

Plagiarism dope : Here is the new trick of bollywood directors/producers. They would copy the film first and then write a letter to the producer of the original film stating that they have made a film and have just discovered that the “idea” of their film sounds similar to the original one. Since there is no copyright on “idea”, the original producer gives a green signal to our chor filmmakers. UTV and Ravi Chopra did the same for Aamir and Banda Yeh Bindaas hai. The original ones are Cavite and My Cousin Vinny.  

We wonder if Karan Johar has bought the rights or just taken “idea” permission for remaking Stepmom ? As always, we will kep you posted.

teen patti bigAmitabh Bachchan had posted two trailers of Teen Patti on his blog. But it seems his producers were unhappy with the way the promo was put online. They felt its too early to show the promo, and it seems some other website also  put the same promo on their site without any permission. So ? The more the merrier! Whats the harm if everyone puts the promo on their site ? Any producer would like to grab more eyeballs. If not for the right buzz, what are promos meant for ? Anyway, on the producer’s request, Bachchan has removed the film trailer from his blog.

Yippeee, we saw it. And if you didnt, wait! There is no other option. And if you are too desperate like us, you can click here to read the synopsis/story of the film. To check out the first look click here and for Bachchan-Ben Kingsley pics, click here

love-aaj-kal new posterFor all you fans of Imtiaz Ali’s Jab We Met and Socha Na Tha, here is the first trailer of his new film Love Aaj Kal, starring Saif Ali Khan and Deepika Padukone. And like its first still and first poster, this one also is a damp squib! Ofcourse its not the actual promo of the film but a tie-up promo which has been shot for T20 worldcup on Star Cricket.

Making money is not a bad thing and more so during recession time. But what we dont understand is why would someone fuck around with the first trailer/promo of such a highly anticipated film. And who wrote the promo lines ?

If you missed out Deepika’s dialogue delivery, please check it out again…..You are my Love Aaj Kal. But my love for cricket, kal bhi tha aur hamesh rahega! Eeeeks! We thought that nobody can do it better than Kangana Ranaut, the way she says basterd. But looks like Deepika will soon snatch the crown from Ranaut ! And cricket never sounded so terrible! Imtiaz, are you listening ? Or are we reading (or hearing) too much in 50 seconds ?

For Love Aaj Kal’s synopsis click here and for first look n posters click here.

Thats what it looks like. And its a nasty one. To quote from Amitabh Bachchan’s recent post on his blog

Copy of aladin amitabh new-1A complete fabrication of thought word and deed. The calibre of the journal showeth. Or is this the calibre of its newly appointed ‘hack’ recently sacked (notice the rhyming ) from the entertainment editorial of a prestigious news paper. And if he is not careful of his inputs that he provides, as above, he shall be on his way for another sack !! May the Lord save this ‘begum’.

Its obvious and easy guess. Khalid Mohamed was the Entertainment Editor of Hindustan Times (HT) before he was sacked from there. Or did he quit ? According to gossipmongers, it all happened because of Amitabh Bachchan, who was tired of Khalid bajaoing him and his family members almost everyday, in HT. With the help of his bade bhaiyya Amar Singh, Big B pulled the last possible string and Khalid was sacked from Hindustan Times.

Recently Khalid moved to The Asian Age as the Entertainment Editor. The article that Bachchan is refering to in his post is a report published in the same paper. Here is the full post and the report. Whats more, Bachchan even warns him of another sack. It seems Big B surely loves to live upto his name.

But the last line is a mean one…May lord save the ‘begum’. Its not difficult to read that Bachchan is making fun of Khalid’s sexual preference and behaviour. Mr Bachchan, why stoop so low ?  So much gyaan about your father’s literature and legacy and it comes down to this! You can do better. Or do you just pretend ?

Now it may sound impossible, but there was a time when Khalid and Bachchans were great chaddi-buddies. Guess what happened ? Dekhi zamane ki yaari…bicchde sabhi baari baari….

rituparno ghoshLike us, if you were shocked to see the booby makeover of director Rituparno Ghosh (see pic) then here is the real dope behind it. 

According to Bombay Times, the director is all set to make his acting debut in Kaushik Ganguly’s bengali film Chaya Chobi. In the film he plays the role of an artist who feels as a woman, trapped in a man’s body.  The role is a tribute to the legendary jatra (bengal’s tradition of folk theatre) actor Chapal Bhaduri who used to play women’s role on stage. This lead to sexual confusions in Bhaduri’s life which is the main plot of the film. 

Rituparno is also learning Kathak dance for the same. In the film, he starts as a jatra actor and becomes a film director who is in a relationship with a cinematographer. Bengali actor Indranil plays a bisexual actor who has a relationship with Raima Sen’s and Rituparno’s characters. Raima plays the role of a research assistant working on the film. Its film in a film story.

Woohoo….this is one daring plot! we love it…fuck the indian censor and the sensibility! Lets get some controversy onboard! Even if its not for real, Rituparno’s makeover is surely going to get loads of eyeballs and lot of newsprint.

ram-gopal-varmaThe man knows it all. But you cant win all the games. His recent film Rann is on the politics of newsroom, the battle for eyeballs. And so, we thought that atleast Ramu would understand the way news channels work. They are not run by shitheads as he and his publicity smartasses might be thinking. Why ? Read on.

With the distorted version of Jann Gana Mann as Jana Gana Rann, Ramu and his coterie must have thought that they have cracked the next big idea for the publicity of the film. So even before the song got censor certificate, it was smartly handed over to the news channels to play, expecting the right buzz to happen. And thats how its available all over the net. When the intention is not so cool, the coolest idea also falls flat. Thats exactly what happened. With the IPL and election fever on, nobody bothered much about the jana gana rann song. No play, no eyeball, no buzz.

Next, as expected Censor Board didnt allow the song. Ramu was more than happy with the news. It was moving in the direction as it was planned. Rann’s publicity managers tried to convince the news editors to debate, dicuss and dissect the issue. Blame it on Varun and Rahul baba’s high election drama and fakeiplplayer’s entertaining posts…those were much more interesting. Deadend again.

Next, Ramu approached the court to get the song cleared. And as expected the Supreme Court slammed Ramu for distorting the national song. Here is more.

We always thought this was one dude who would never pretend to be holier-than-thou and try to show us the mirror because he always said that he looks dirty when he watches himself in the mirror. We expected Ramu to be the last man to give us gyaan on the state of the nation and blah blah. But then, for publicity people do strange things.

So What does Mr Amitabh Bachchan thinks about this publicity gimmick ? The man who is always ready to butcher the media. Or he has no clue.

And here goes our love letter to the man whom we love to hate or hate to love…

Dear Ramu,

After your horrible attempts like Sarkar Raj, Contract and Phoonk, we are not sure about others but we will be there.  Because we still think that you are the original inglorious bastard, one who can talk about the love for RIFLE so openly and without any guilt. Only few dare to do so. This is the real you or atleast thats your image. You are not jana gana rann. Dont give us lecture. And please dont pretend. Bollywood is anyway guided by too heavy morals. We dont want one more conscious citizen.

If for nothing else, we will watch Rann for the honest man who tried to fake it with Jann Gana Rann.

fightclub

WTF : Spot the difference

Posted: May 22, 2009 by moifightclub in bollywood, cinema, etc, pics, WTF
Tags: , ,

People do strange things to make a film. And films have done stranger things to people. But this one beats everyone and everything. If you dont believe us, take a look at this pic. Take a guess and scroll down to see the other pic.

rituparno ghosh

rituparno ghosh

Thats filmmaker Rituparno Ghosh with his father, spotted recently at a polling booth during the elections. Mumbaimirror has published this shocking pic in today’s edition. And the second pic is also of Rituparno Ghosh.

Its not difficult to spot the difference. And when its so prominent. But how and why ? We know that cinema has the power to change people, but so much! We never knew. Or is it cosmetics, surgery and more. Do let us know what you think. We are still confused.

amisha patel

According to Mid-day, Ameesha Patel has been offered a job as a professor at the Tufts University. And whats more, she can join anytime she wants.

For those of you who dont know, Ameesha is a  gold medallist in economics from the Tufts University in Boston. Fuck, we dont believe! And if you dont believe us, just try talking to her once. You dont need proof. Was her dad or boyfreind heading the economics department ? Or Economics means economics of brain, the least one gets the gold one ?

Anyway, she has been asked to teach drama and acting. Woohoo! Can she first enroll herself for some acting classes ? we are willing to sponsor that. We sincerly feel bad for the students! Nobody deserves so much bad luck to learn acting from Ameesha Patel !