Posts Tagged ‘Salman Khan’

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The Ghantas ( celebrates and rewards the worst of Bollywood every year. The 2nd Annual Ghanta Awards rewarded the worst Bollywood films of 2011. And the only nominee who dared to be present was Sonam Kapoor. All RESPECT.

The nominees were decided by a panel of experts and voting for the winners was done through a public, online vote that was held between Feb –  March 16th, 2012. The awards were presented by @AmusedDouche, @awryaditi, @gkhamba, @varungrover and @iarevaboon.

Winners in BOLD.

Worst Film

1.    Ra.One

2.    Bodyguard

3.    Ready

4.    Mausam

5.    Don 2

Worst Holier-Than-Thou Movie

1.    Dhobi Ghat

2.    No One Killed Jessica

3.    That Girl in Yellow Boots

4.    Memories in March

5.    Shaitan

Worst Actor

1.    Salman Khan – Bodyguard, Ready

2.    Shah Rukh Khan – Ra.One, Don 2

3.    Ajay Devgn – Rascals, Singham, Dil Toh Baccha Hai Ji

4.    Sanjay Dutt – Ra.One, Rascals, Chatur Singh 2 Star, Double Dhamaal, Desi Boyz

5.    Vinay Pathak – Utt Patang, Tere Mere Phere, Chalo Dilli, Bheja Fry 2

Worst Actress

1.    Kangna Ranaut – Game, Miley Na Miley Hum, Double Dhamaal, Tanu Weds Manu, Ready, Rascals

2.    Nargis Fakhri – Rockstar

3.    Jacqueline Fernandez – Murder 2

4.    Gul Panag – Turning 30

5.    Bipasha Basu – Dum Maaro Dum

Worst Supporting Actor

1.    Tusshar Kapoor – The Dirty Picture, Hum Tum Shabana, Shor in the City

2.    Prateik Babbar – Dhobi Ghat, Aarakshan, Dum Maaro Dum, My Friend Pinto

3.    Anupam Kher – Every other film

4.    Om Puri – Don 2, Khap, Teen Thay Bhai, Bin Bulaye Baarati

5.    Shreyas Talpade – Hum Tum Shabana, Teen Thay Bhai

Worst Supporting Actress

1.    Hazel Keech in Bodyguard

2.    Giselli Monteiro in Always Kabhi Kabhie

3.    Mallika Sherawat in Double Dhamaal

4.    Charmy Kaur in Bbuddah Hoga Tera Baap

5.    Raveena Tandon in Bbuddah Hoga Tera Baap

Worst Breakthrough

1.    Chirag Paswan

2.    Rana Daggubati

3.    Zoa Morani

4.    Sarah Jane-Dias

5.    Nargis Fakhri

Worst Director

1.    Anubhav Sinha – Ra.One

2.    Anees Bazmee – Thank You, Ready

3.    Pankaj Kapur – Mausam

4.    David Dhawan – Rascals

5.    Rohit Dhawan – Desi Boyz

Worst Rip-Off

1.    Don 2 – every Hollywood action film

2.    Murder 2 – The Chaser

3.    Desi Boyz – Full Monty + all Adam Sandler films

4.    FALTU – Accepted

5.    Ragini MMS – Paranormal Activity

Worst Couple

1.    Kangna Ranaut and Ajay Devgn in Rascals

2.    Kangna Ranaut and Sanjay Dutt in Rascals

3.    Kangna Ranaut and Chirag Paswan in Miley Naa Miley Hum

4.    Ranbir Kapoor and Nargis Fakhri in Rockstar

5.    Shahid Kapur and Sonam Kapoor in Mausam

Worst Song

1.    Dhinka Chika

2.    Jalebi Bai

3.    Bodyguard title track

4.    Dum Maaro Dum

5.    Chammak Challo

WTF Was That

1.    Akshay Kumar going to Oxford University in Desi Boyz

2.    Ghost Rape in Haunted 3D

3.    The unexplained science behind the science fiction part of Ra.One

4.    Colourful holi song in the middle of a movie about Hitler & the holocaust in ‘Gandhi to Hitler’

5.    How Sonam Kapoor & Shahid Kapoor don’t manage to exchange a measly phone number over 10 years in Mausam

Thats Anything But Sexy

1.    3 girls conned by Ranveer Singh’s looks and acting abilities

2.    Ram Gopal Verma’s camera angles in Not A Love Story

3.    Anything involving Kangana Ranaut in Rascals

4.    Akshay Kumar as London’s most in-demand male escort in Desi Boyz

5.    Any time Shahrukh Khan says “Junglee Billi” in Don 2

Bollywood has only one Bhai-jaan. Then there are the Bhai-fans, Bhai-trolls, Bhai’s Being Human fans and now there are Bhai-films too. Films which are critics-proof, meant only for Eid release & weekend business, and any kind of criticism of the film means You-Don’t-Mess-With-Desi-Zohan warning from Bhai-trolls. Bhai is our Bay (Michael). He is our Transformers, our summer tentpole movies, our 3(bodydguar)D and our Pirate Of the Arabian, all rolled in one. His films represents everything that’s big, bad and means only box office these days. Fatema Kagalwala tries hard to dissect his latest one – Bodyguard. Read on….

“Strength doesn’t come from the ordeals that are thrown at you, but from crossing them. And surviving to tell the tale”

Not some gyaan-guru, it’s the higher self that kicked in with this gem to help overcome the devastating sheerkhurma that Bodyguard made out of her Eid.

But then, I wonder if something is a medium of spiritual insight as powerful as this, can it be bad?

(I see one Mr Siddique and one Mr Shirt-utaro Khan desperately saying no, but my higher self is sushsh-ing them vehemently right now. Not that they will listen I’m sure. Our collective higher selves haven’t stopped Anees Bazmee and Sajid Khan either, have they?)

As I step back and mull with an objective mind, my intuition tells me that Bodyguard is really not what it seems. You know there is a real crisis at the heart of the story, which we, the self-important, ivory tower vultures of meaningful cinema are overlooking. The hint lies in the name itself.

Bodyguard is about identity. Why else spend two+ hours going round and round in circles but begin at a Sallu-Bodyguard and end at Sallu-successful-something? Why else go ALL the way to Pune and Lonavla and climb the tallest hill stations of Maharashtra to make the point? Why get Kareena Kapoor, an almost style icon (Sorry dear word ‘style’) and pin her into the tackiest Linking Road outfits? Why would Salman Khan do a seemingly meaningless film ? Because, didn’t you know, Salman Khan can do no wrong?

So the identity crisis, yes. It begins with Divya who becomes Chhaya. She wants to throw this newly-dumped-on-her bodyguard and does so by impersonating as a swoonie in love with Shirtlessji. How that was supposed to help is left unexplored (or maybe it is one of those deep mysteries of the Universe we as humans are meant to solve? Paulo Coelho would’ve loved this riddle.) So Divya-turned-Chhaya actually falls in love with Hulk Hogan. And Chhaya becomes Divya when Divya is actually Divya. But Divya cannot be Chhaya as long as she is Divya because Mr Muscles (chhee, not the toilet cleaner, I meant Sallu) won’t accept Chhaya if she is Divya. Get the identity crisis bit now?

It is all about becoming. This would be the tag-line if Osho had made this film.

But it is not over yet. Chhaya is yet to become fully. So Dancing Muscles keeps joking around with a terrible fat man who is so-not-funny-it’s-not-a-joke. (There you have a sub-text for another identity crisis. A non-funny funny man trying to be funny so hard that he is anything but funny. Poor guy but brilliantly thoughtful writing) But neither do the muscles run out of proteins nor is Mr Siddique’s Eid biryani getting cold, so everyone takes their own time finding themselves and each other.

While they are at it, we shall look at other peripheral (but important!) characters weaving this very meaningful theme together. There is Raj Babbar, the Maalik and karta-dharta and the most terrible actor we have seen in a century barring his son of course. His identity crisis is subtle, metaphysical even, wherein he is struggling ever-so hard to prove to himself (not us, mind you) that after all these years he hasn’t lost his touch in the art of hamming and he can outdo even a stammering King at the job! His efforts at desperately trying to regain his forgotten identity are touching. And kudos to the director for giving him a chance. What compassion to his fellow human beings he has… Mother Teresa would have been so moved.

Back to the Chhaya search. The metaphor in the name itself is enlightening. Chhaya is an image, not the reality. And then she becomes Maya, an illusion. An explosively intuitive use of language and semantics makes Bodyguard Cannes material. And it is That Girl in Yellow Boots that gets to do festival rounds. Pathetic and shameful is the state of Bollywood.

But then Maya soon gets some debilitating disease (which I am assuming should be the ever-dependable cancer or TB, the good old 60’s-70’s devil since the film is so pre-historic too) and becomes an illusion herself. Her identity now remains only in the pages of a diary she has written for her little son a-la Tina and Anjali in Karan Johar’s “Its all about loving your friends.” (Double-meaning beast! And he claims he makes family entertainers) Maya also runs on the station platform to catch the train that toilet cleaner oops Muscle-man is on. Like the millions of youth who got an identity crisis after watching Soooo Romantic Khan (gag) pulling his girl onto the train, Six Sigma Servant gives out his hand too and invites this cute little chashmish illusion into his already confused life. It is inter-texuality and cinematic references such as these that make Bodyguard a deep, meaningful film. I guess I interpreted my intuition right after all.

So Maya becomes Chhaya just like Bairan became Bhairon but their lives don’t remain narrow. They multiply. But Siddique is a Gandhian (dunno if he follows Anna Hazare though, do you? That’s another identity crisis there but for another day). He believes in change being the only permanent thing, so Maya’s illusions end with her death but our troubles don’t. The new and improved Bodyguard goes back to HAMare maalik for his blessings before he flies to Australia. (Why not US? Oh it’s not a KJo film, silly). Son finds Divya and since Maya said she is Chhaya he wants to dump himself on her. Divya is torn, oh poor girl, but the ISO-certified naukar ‘accepts’ her and agrees to marry her. Was there anyone so dedicated? Why don’t our customer service centres learn something from him?

The end is a beautiful tryst of irony and fate in meaningful cinema wherein it is the ‘hero’ who finds himself and ‘becomes’. He learns of Divya’s identity as Chhaya and is moved (as much as Sallu’s face muscles can move that is) beyond words. So Divya does become Chhaya and Body lets his guard down to accept Divya as Chhaya and Chhaya as Divya and everyone forgets Maya. Sab khaya, piya, pachaya. (Burp!)

(Oh, there is also a villain who used to be a hero but continues to think he is still a hero, he even claims it onscreen. This bloomingly creative touch strengthens the very well-defined theme of identity crisis and finding oneself. I am too moved by the very deep spiritual journey of these characters that has been revealed to me and I need to do some soul-searching to connect with my real self ‘within’. So long! Until my higher self kicks in again, that is.)

Here it is – The list of 14 inmates who are gonna entertain us for the next few weeks in Bigg Boss’ house. Two models to serve as eye candy, superchor, super dacoit, lawyer, two MMS scandal toppers, one motormouth, one beefy boy who made national headlines for wrong reasons, a cross-dresser, an actor & actress who were linked once, a non-controversial actor & actress to play the nice guy/gal roles – wow! It can’t get more colourful than this. And add Salman Khan as the new host of the show. Perfect.

Put the cursor on the pics to know more about them and their claim to fame.

Why ? Read on.

Let’s call it observations…

I love paisa vasool cinema. The front-bencher, seeti-maar type. The brazen ‘I am what I am, take it or leave it’ type. And if it has Sallu in an earthy, small-town part then I suck my teeth hard in anticipation. After all, at 14 this was the first man in my life to take my breath away.

Over the years, especially the last five or so he began to take my mind away and I relegated him to a parenthesis in my Bollyland likes.

But when the news of Dabangg hit the film circuit my ears perked up. No, I am not a dog, what I meant was I was all attention. Unusual name, small-town setting, earthy appeal (It looked like that at first!) and Sallu in a mouche! Touché! (No, I am not KM either.)

So the wait was a WAIT. Long-time since I had really waited for a film to release. Hud, hud Dabangg, Dabangg, Dabangg and Munni Badnaam Hui were playing endlessly in my mind.

Cut to stalls in a single-screen theatre, first day first show. I was tucked in quietly like an abla naari in a corner seat among jeering, leering, cheering crowd unable to hide her own enthusiasm. The audience was on an incredible high, catcalling and hooting much before the film had started. Even on trailors. If a director of those films had sneaked in to see audience reaction to his trailor, they just might have gone home thinking he has struck gold. No, the fact is Abhinav Kashyap, Salman Khan and Dabangg have struck gold.

Dabangg turned out to be an unabashed entertainer in love with its own gimmickery and un-self-conscious style. Sallu made me fall in love with him all over again, mouche and all.

He came striding against the sunlight in slo-mo against a thumping ‘Hud., Hud’ score and I knew I loved him again…you know that feeling…when you have loved with the gush of first love, heart beating at every phone ring, blushing-by-his-mere-mention type of love everyone scorns but secretly wishes for…and then you grow up and become all like a dry leaf with a stone for a heart pretending to be ‘mature’ but one day you meet that guy who made you understand the magic of spring…he looks different but that boyish charm is still there and you don’t know if he has changed…or forgotten…and you don’t know if you have forgiven…but then he smiles and you smile back and in that moment you love him again…a different kind of love that will remain and will now keep beating silently next to your heart asking for nothing…Well, I got carried away there, but you understand. Yes, I was back in love with Sallu. With that kind of love.

And Dabangg IS Sallu.

In marketing terms it means a repeat of the mad success of Wanted but in cinematic (I cringe to use a dignified word as that but I can’t find an alternative) terms it means Salman can get away with whatever he does.

I smiled and grinned as much at his antics, silly, stupid, oddball, endearing and all along enjoying the audience antics too. (This guy in formals sitting next to me evidently had bunked office to watch ‘first day first show’ kept dancing and laughing his guts out and every time he laughed he looked at me to share the joke. Quite cute. The ‘mature’ woman that I am I never looked back.)

But Dabangg works not because Sallu can get away with anything. It works because only he can do what he does. And he does it best here, by far. THAT is charming.

We have enough superstars who think they can get away with murder because their name sells, (AK, SRK, this K that K) and Sallu was one too until Dabangg happened. I mean, not that he is humbled or anything, anything but. I mean he kept committing murder till now and after a long long time has redeemed himself. Somewhat.

So what if it was with a film that had no story.

I can hear you waiting to shout, ‘you expected a STORY?’ What’s WRONG with you?’

But I thought that was the minimum I could expect, nai? Especially from a dhamaal, chavanni chhaap entertainer like Dabangg? (To be frank guys, I was expecting a LOT more but I always give credit where it is due.)

But I was willing to give up anything but not the small fact that it had a story missing…because it not only killed the film for me (I am a big girl, I can handle disappointment, you know.) but it killed itself. You know when a child has brilliant potential but he squanders it as he grows up by making the wrong choices? How do you feel when you look at that grown up? I felt the same way…

And why did I feel it let itself down when it promised dhamaal and gave dhamaal? I will illustrate with an example, the only one that has been continuously on my mind since I watched it. The 90’s saw a class act in the form of David Dhawan’s ‘Aankhen’. It starred three monkeys but what a show all three of them put up! As silly, stupid and oddball as it could get. Sometimes so slapstick you wanted to slap your forehead in frustration. But the film worked like a charm. Was it because of the charm of the central monkey who is still that generation’s Hero No.1? Not quite, it was because the film had a story and a crafty screenplay.

Dabangg did not have a story or story idea leave aside a screenplay. Its creative brief was ‘Salman Khan as he is’. For a ‘Coolie no.1’ or ‘Aunty no.1’ its ok. But it would have been criminal if ‘Aankhen’ went that path. All of us still love ‘Coolie no.1’ and ‘Aunty no.1’ (Oh, shut up, we all do. Next time, you are drunk tape yourself and listen to it the next morning!) but not as much as we love ‘Aankhen’. I loved Dabangg as much as I loved ‘Coolie no.1’ when it could have become an ‘Aankhen’.

Story-telling is an art fast dying in Bollywood. Style, technique and botoxed heroes are taking care of the gap.

But what was it that made kitsch so cool back then? Indraneel, one of the commentators makes a great point here. Kitsch entertainers were so superbly entertaining because side-characters were equally well-fleshed out and supported the hero every step. Same goes for the villain. In Dabangg neither the side-characters left an impact (and that was because of the way they were treated) nor did the villain. The enmity between the characters of Chhedi Singh and Chulbul Pandey was almost an after-thought, because the romance angle and father-son trouble angle ran out of steam. But WHY did they run out of it steam when each angle hand enough potential to contribute to making a complete enetertainer? Because the focus was the hero and nothing else.

Sad, when Salman Khan can be so much more than Salman Khan is. Oh, keep the chappals in control, he can. Of course he is not great, is often lazy but he is not as limited as he has been type-casted as. Not only is he a malleable actor, he is also is a class entertainer. He has vulnerability, can cry MUCH better than SRK and get into a character MUCH better than Aamir (even if its only of ‘Prem’, its STILL a character). Oh, and Sonakshi Sinha and he make a great pair I must say. Well, mostly because the way she has been styled. That sex appeal was electric and I was wondering, was it the same woman who looked so ‘saas-bahu’ type in pics??? And Dimple Kapadia and Vinod Khanna made me interested to watch the dynamics of a small-town middle-class family. Arbaaz Khan was err…never mind, and Mahi Gill made me cry. Not because of her great acting, but because of the miniscule role this super-talented girl was relegated to. Does the industry really have to be so unfair? I won’t even talk about Anupam Kher, Om Puri and Murli Sharma’s roles…

And so after, all my rambling the point is, the film is a super-hit, the audience tore a lot of clothes (and my eardrums) and Sallu is a hit hero again after a series of flops.

But there is also a tiny point we miss out on, in this hullabaloo about Sallu. (Hey, it rhymes!:D) Dabangg is made by a debutante director whose first film is so assured it does not seem a debut at all. The choices he makes in story-telling (or rather whatever is there of it) are discussions of another day but the promise he shows is a gleaming hope for the otherwise gloomy Bollywood horizon. Because this kind of film is the toughest to make AND pull off. You see, all of the old guard have become senile and the new guard knows nothing but malls and the other section who knows tons more will not touch Dabangg type cinema with a barge pole. So it’s heartening to see that there is still some hope for the regular badnaam masala Hindi film.

Just next time, Abhinav, please remember to put in a story. More than anything else, I think you deserve better.

And Sallu, you deserve much better too. And so do we. Keep our hopes alive!

One more directorial debut. Abhinav Kashyap, writer and brother of Anurag Kashyap is ready with his directorial debut – Dabangg. It stars Salman Khan, Arbaaz Khan and marks Shatrughan Sinha’s daughter Sonakshi Sinha’s debut.

We had heard lot of good things about the script and the film but when we got to know about the cast, were very skeptical about it.  And  surely we werent expecting looks like Wanted Redux! Plus, Salman Khan’s firangi accent with seeti maaro dialogues and a story which is set in hinterland of North, with a filmy treatment that looks like typical South spice – complete mish-mash! But as the distributors say, hit hai sirji, hit hai! Naah, we are not the audience!

Thanx for the tip Sreeni_k.

As if one Shah Rukh Khan wasnt enough, now we have a doggie version too! Awwwww…wwwwful! Or is this the Aamir’s doggie who was named after King Khan ? Koochi Koochie Hota Hai is the animated (read doggie) version of Karan Johar’s Kuch Kuch Hota hai.

Its directed by Tarun Mansukhani and has voiceovers by Shah Rukh Khan, Kajol, Rani Mukherjee, Sanjay Dutt, Riteish Deshmukh, Simi Agarwal, Anupam Kher, Uday Chopra and Sajid Khan. Guess who is not here ? Salman Khan. Missing In Action. And you dont need to be genius to guess the reason.

And whoever thought about the “Koochie Koochie” title, needs to get into doggie avatar soon. Woof teri ada, woof tera badan, woof woof tera ya title! The trailer looks, sounds and feels terrible! And more so, because in a year when UP makes it to the Oscar nomination in the Best Film category, we are still rewinding back to Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Spare us. We are not buying the tickets! Feels like its made for Under-5 category! Take a look.


This friday, its the attack of the Pindharis! Anil Gadar Sharma returns with Veer starring Salman Khan, Zarine Khan, Mithun Chakraborty, Sohail Khan and Jackie Shroff. The story is by Salman Khan. Beat this!

Here are some early reviews which suggests that Veer belongs to that rare dud tribe who die on their birthday! Born to die friday Species.

Anupama Chopra (NDTV) – The best thing about Veer is that it is comic book cinema no pretensions. Without a trace of embarrassment or apology, Sharma goes full throttle on speeches to the motherland, honour, mardangi. And as Manmohan Desai told us decades ago: Mard ko dard nahin hota, so Veer snarls and slices through men without pausing for breath – 2.5/5

Raja Sen (Rediff) – The son of a legendary hero grows up and attempts to follow in his father’s footsteps, however bloodthirsty this road may be. It is standard Bollywood cliche, but Salim Khan, one of our most iconic screenwriters, deserves a better tribute than son Salman, credited for the film’s story, churning out this unbelievably hackneyed period disaster – 1/5

Gaurav Malani (ET) – Salman Khan gives a powerful performance in real sense. He is so prominent in the film that not even his brother Sohail Khan gets one consolation scene. Mithun Chakravarthy is the only one who stands on his own other than Salman Khan. Zarine Khan is a replica of Katrina Kaif and using the same dubbing artist adds to the analogy. Lisa Lazarus is absolutely wasted in a 2 scene role. Jackie Shroff is repetitive in his villainous act. You have to be a braveheart to watch Veer – 2/5

Shubhra Gupta (India Express) – Salman is the last Khan standing. It makes not a whit of difference to him and his directors that the space for retrofitted 70s packages has shrunk to nothing : Salman, In and As Veer, defiantly dances, romances, and bests his enemies in combat— hand-to-bare hand, and because `Veer’ is allegedly a period film, sword-to-clanging sword – 2/5

Taran Adarsh (Indiafm) – VEER drives home a few hard facts…No amount of gloss can substitute for an engaging story. Not all directors are capable of pulling off a period film. No star – howsoever strong his rankings are – can infuse life in a comatose script – 1/5

Khalid Mohamed (PFC) – A battle’s on, followed by much prattle. How they rattle on about the British Raj and a desert-principality presided over by a king, mostly garbed in outfits which are crow-black. Quite tack. In effect, then, Veer is a waste or resources, talent and of course, our time..and ticket money – 2/5

Rajeev Masand (CNN IBN) – Even if you’re willing to forgive all the historical inaccuracies and the complete disregard for detail, Veer starring Salman Khan, is still an impossible film to appreciate.Unacceptable in these times. From Cameron’s Pandora to Anil Sharma’s Pindhari, we’ve come a long way baby – 2/5

Nikhat Kazmi (TOI) – Now no one’s doubting the fact that Salman Khan’s a thoroughbred veer. For, it does take a whole lot of bravado to pick up a blast from the buried past and present it an age when everyone is determined to tell a brand new story in Bollywood. Of course, films like Lagaan and Jodhaa Akbar did manage to strike a chord with the newbie viewers too, but they were more like exceptions to the rule. By and large, the scheming Brits and their grab-India story has been confined to the creative bin when it comes to modern Indian cinema, song and literature – 2.5/5

Mayank Shekhar (HT) – It belongs more to Bollywood of back in the day: a song designated for smokers every few minutes; crispness, hardly a narrative virtue; three hours, the accepted clock-time. And yet in trying so hard to win acclaim and scale, the film goes all over the place – *Gladiator, Troy, Braveheart* – complicating matters for its easy viewers – 1.5/5

Minty Tejpal ( Mumbai Mirror) – Veer is a very, very terrible film, which has lots of thudding hoofs, bloodstained swords, chopped-off heads plus brawny men hooting and fighting. What Veer doesn’t have is any kind of a script or a director, forget about any other related sense or sensibility. The film is a brutal assault on all your senses, with lousy direction constantly competing with mediocre acting struggling with a garbled period story, and one has to indeed be very ‘veer’ not to cry and run away in sheer fright – 1/5

Seems like Veer is already headed for Veer-gati!