F.i.g.h.t C.l.u.b

Sometimes it’s quite a difficult task to find the right word to describe a person. And when i can’t rely on cusstionary any more, i take the easy way out. Coin a new term. So we have dodos, then we have ch#@ths, and when someone is beyong all these, I have coined a new term for them – Dodooth (D+C). If you click here and read this column called Reflections, am sure you will agree with my idea of Dodoothness.

Nothing is original, this logic is as old as Adam & Eve. And that doesn’t that mean there is nothing called copyright and IP. Strange that we have so much news space in this country that all kind of garbage is dumped in the name of journalism. And even in this weird dodoothness,  it’s hard to believe that Ram Sampath managed to win a copyright case against Rakesh Roshan. Thank God, the Tutejas are not in the judiciary system of this country.

And here is @diaporesis‘ reply to Mr Tuteja’s Reflections.

Mr Tuteja, your article is entertaining. Can I sell it as mine?

Sometime yesterday, Bollywood Hungama, the trade-portal masquerading as review site, happened to accidentally publish a page from Joginder Tuteja’s personal diary. In it, Mr Tuteja, coming to terms with what is, presumably, a speech disorder, explains at length how he has difficulty pronouncing words such as चुग्येओग्जा(please leave eyjafjallajokull for greater gods) . Even though the piece appears to be a legitimate article meant for the general public’s consumption, do not be fooled. It is quite clear that the man is writing to himself.

Here’s an example of his pitiable rant to his Dear Diary:

“Ok, now think of a film called The Chaser, the literal English translation (I guess) for the Korean word on which you just gave up. Yeah, The Chaser; not Chase, Chastity or Chatur. It is plain and simple – The Chaser. Can’t think of any, right? Well, why don’t you try hard.”

As you can clearly see, our delusional diary-writer is addressing himself. He has never heard of The Chaser and conveniently presumes that the rest of the world is as ignorant as he is.

Without going into the details of why such rants (because the entire piece is, overall, a rant and not argument) make no sense, I pose a simple piece of logic before you: if nobody has heard of the movie (extending his logic), how did the comparisons arise in the first place?

At a slight tangent, my gripe with Mr Tuteja’s argumentation is the way in which he cannot produce reasonable arguments to even convince himself. Through most of the piece, Mr Tuteja’s words flail like a broken pieces of a raft on a stormy ocean, alternately despairing and alternately cursing the sea for being so watery. For example, in his piece he says that he’s still trying to locate a certain DVD therefore others couldn’t have seen that movie either. In the next few lines he mentions how piracy is rampant. Um, Mr Tuteja suffers from a joining-the-dots disability as well?

He does not stop at his pitiable laments about his inability to pronounce a certain word. He goes on to prove that he’s unable to employ the faculties of logic and reason as well.

I need not go about arguing against Mr Tuteja’s endorsement of plagiarism. But I do have three serious charges against him: 1) He seems to think it’s fine to copy works of art as long as it’s done entertainingly. I’d love to see his reply to the title of this piece as far this point is concerned. 2) He totally discounts the fact that original creations, however raw, are always more rewarding for the masses and the makers. Ask Anurag Kashyap or Dibakar Banerjee and their fans for evidence. 3) He claims that because he isn’t the thief, he’ll gladly visit a thief’s home and admire the valuable pieces or art etc he has stolen. I, for one, do not even want to provide further arguments about why this is such an asinine argument. Moreover, he goes on to say 99% of us think like him. Really, 99%? Where does he get such fantastic numbers from?

In his rather dreamy rant, he also claims that QT said Kaante was better than Reservoir Dogs. I will save my breath and point you to this piece that Mr Tuteja presumably refers to and challenge you to prove his claim correct.

Dear Mr Tuteja, your arguments are bullshit anyway. You get paid to write about movies that earn lots of money. Not movies per se. There’s a huge difference. Understand that. Appreciate the work of other knowledgeable, hard-working critics who, in India, undergo unfair trials by fire when they praise cinema that is meaningful, honest and well-made rather than crass entertainers that you promote. We can agree to disagree about what cinema should be. But at least, please, get your facts right. Especially when you’re addressing yourself, learn to be honest.

The last point I wish to make is about movies that deserve to be seen but perhaps aren’t seen because viewers assume that since the remakes were shitty, so were the originals. This is far from the truth. Take Oldboy as an example. Zinda was, at times, a frame by frame copy of the movie. But it was an exceedingly passable piece of cinema. Oldboy, on the other hand, is a rivetting and nerve-wracking film that shakes you by the guts and stuns you into shocked silence: an accepted masterpiece of modern Asian cinema. I don’t mind our filmmakers looking for “inspiration”; my problem is that they don’t accept that they looked for inspiration. And, Mr Tuteja, there’s a reason why “inspiration” and “plagiarism” are two different words. Let me point you to dictionary.com if you lack the usual Oxford at home.

As for you, dear reader, spare yourselves the pain of anger. Be kind to him. He knows not what he writes.

And Mr Tuteja, henceforth, please keep your diary private. We cannot be bothered by you being dishonest to even yourself.

– Shubhodeep Pal

(I really shouldn’t add a disclaimer to this piece, but here goes: My own views, my impressions, my right to express them. Not intended to slander etc etc.)

( PS – Shubhodeep blogs here. )

(PS1 – Dear Mr Tuteja, you don’t need a dvd to watch Miracle Worker. There is popular site called youtube.com. Little googling and youtubing doesn’t harm anyone. So click on the play button and enjoy.

(PS2 – This is not the first time that Mr Tuteja has made it to our blog. Click here to read about his other credential. As they say, honhaar birwaan ke hoth cheeknay paat.)