Archive for the ‘WTF’ Category

Or for that matter any bollywood film? Spoofing is a serious art and a good one needs much more than the combined acting talent of Uday Chopra, Abhishek Bachchan and Katrina Kaif. That’s a big problem with bolllywood – they don’t know how to take a joke. As me and many of my friends have faced similar situation many times in the past because of our tweets or blog posts, it’s hardly surprising anymore. Here’s the latest story. This one is about YRF and Dhoom3.

https://twitter.com/thetanmay/status/413237245936562176

https://twitter.com/thetanmay/status/413237520491483136

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https://twitter.com/thetanmay/status/413237761030623232

https://twitter.com/thetanmay/status/413238022163808258

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Here’s the kickass video by AIB guys which completely pwns YRF.

It’s that time of the year again. And like ever year, we are starting our Rewind (year end post) series. So we (the usual suspects who contribute here) sat together, poured some drinks, discussed, poured some more, fought, pondered, poured some more, looked back, debated, poured some more, and concluded the 20 things which we learnt at the movies this year. Also, 13 questions that baffled us all through the year.

This was our 2012 list. At first glance, Deepika Padukone and Tigmanshu Dhulia have made it to the list again.

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1. Deepika is Padu-Khan – 4 blockbusters. From just a beautiful face with weird ghataan accent and shaky acting chops to commanding the screen with her presence and talent, this has been quite a marathon.

2. Vacuous Versova – The film filmmaker made Versova world famous on FB and Twitter. It started here, and made headlines here.

3. Kahe ki tu hi hauw…..Hum tohre bin ab rah na sakiley….Jaani tui soodhuyee…saathi tui soodhuyee….Confused? Here.

4. Nawazuddin might be the flavour of the season, but Irrfan Khan is still the baap. Saajan Fernandes of The Lunchbox, Wali Khan of D-Day and Umber Singh of Qissa – those eyes that stare blankly into space should be counted as a school of acting. If he is pledging his eyes to be donated after death, they should go to a film/acting school for further research.

5. The password for script of Matru Ki Bijlee Ka Mandola was the colourful abuse used in the film. GUESS.

6. Tigmanshu Dhulia is the most unreliable director. He swings from one extreme to other. On the scale of burn-the-reels-of-Shagird to awe-fucking-some-terrific-Paan- Singh-Tomar, he can fluctuate anywhere.

7. To be completely politically incorrect and if you can pardon this look-ist tweet, the rickshaw-walla-dikhne-wala-south-ka-hero can deliver a hit in Bollywood- Raanjhanaa.

8. Sonakshi Sinha CAN act. Lootera. Now, if only someone tells this girl that life and cinema exists beyond filthy remakes of South films or regressive masala overdose. Dabangg, Rowdy Rathore, Joker, Son Of Sardar, Dabangg2, Once Upon A Time In Mumbai Dobara, Bullett Raja, R…Rajkumar – nobody has ever been so consistent in picking up the same desi buxom bimbo roles again and again.

9. Aaloo bhaath, moordi bhaath in Badtameez Dil. Thanks to Amitabh Bhattacharya for getting these in Bollywood dictionary. Ask your bengali friends to explain.

10. Shah Rukh Khan needed a Rohit Shetty film. The theatrical trailer had the full filmography of Shetty.

11. “Sex and Shah Rukh Khan always sells” is passe. Sex with Shilpa Shukla sold. B.A Pass.

12. Northern-isation of Prakash Raj is complete. He played the villain opposite Deol paaji in Singh Saab Sunny Paaji The Great.

13. Motormouth Sajid Khan finally fell flat on his face. And has gone into hiding since Himmatwala crashed faster than the rate at which he abuses critics.

14. Uday Chopra says good bye to (his non existing) acting career. At least as a profession.

15. You can convert Chetan Bhagat’s unreadable book into a good film. Kai Po Che!

16. ABCD – Any Body Can Dance. AFCBH – Any Film Can Become Hit. Latest one : ABCD – A for Aao re aao, B for Bhaao na khaao, C se Chilla ke gaao, D se Daaru peete jaao. AACSKMP – Aao And Can Someone Kill Me Please.

17. Aftab Shivdasani, Vivek Oberoi and Ritesh Deshmukh have delivered one of the biggest hits of the year. DIGEST.

18. Milap Zaveri saved all his money on rent because he spent the entire year at Gaiety-Galaxy getting hard on watching audience’s reaction to Grand Masti and Shootout At Wadala. Also, every show was house full, on every show people danced, threw coins, and left cum on the seats. (courtesy – Milap’s live tweeting)

19. Tagore + Acid = Tasher Desh. Who would have thought? Q is the A.

20. Sona Spa is Inception redux. No, we are not joking. It’s the definitive cult film of this generation. If you haven’t seen it yet, WATCH.

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13 Unanswered Questions

1. Where is Rajeev Khandelwal?

2. What was Hansal Mehta smoking post Dil Pe Mat Le Yaar and pre-Shahid?

3. What’s the final box office collection of Chennai Express and Krrish 3?

4. Who earned the real Jackpot – Kaizad Gustad, Naseeruddin Shah or Sunny Leone? This is the only good thing about acting aspirations of rich kids.

5. what’s R…..?

6. What did the FFI committee see in The Good Road?

7. How did Ramaiyya Vastavaiyya make more money than D-Day and better TRP than most films? And it seems to be true.

8. What’s the real Milkha Singh story? Here

9. Why KRK is the last man standing with balls of steel giving out the right box office numbers?

10. Why is Raj Kumar Yadav (Rajkummar Rao or whatever he has become now) not a bigger star? who else can match up to his acting chops in the new generation?

11. Who directed Dabangg? Yes, that was 2010. But Besharam is 2013.

12. What murabba has Kashyap fed to Bachchan and KJo?

13. Were they really spoofing Bachchan as a chimpanzee in Yamla Pagla Deewana 2? Why Dharam paaji with Chimpanzee?

What have you learnt or discovered at the movies this year, do let us know in the comments. Also, if you have more questions or answer to any of our questions.

Sholay 3D Trailer – Blasphemy! Blasphemy!

Posted: November 8, 2013 by moifightclub in bollywood, cinema, WTF
Tags: , ,

Not the trailer. Or the 3D conversion. But the credit plates in the new trailer of the film for it 3D release.

This is the first credit plate that appears in the new trailer.

Sholay

WOW!

And there’s more.

Sholay3Sholay2

Wondering what happened to G P Sippy, Ramesh Sippy, Salim-Javed and R D Burman? Well, take out your microscope and see if you can find their names. This one appears after the one at the top.

Sholay4

If you still haven’t seen the trailer, here it is.

So what do you call it?

  1. Moronic
  2. Mistake
  3. Pettiness
  4. Travesty
  5. Bizzare
  6. Surreal
  7. Lack of respect
  8. WTF
  9. GREATEST FUCK UP IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA
  10. All of the above

Strange. Someone clearly thought “PEN” is mightier than THE Sholay.

A really sad day in the history of Indian cinema.

 

There is a new twist in the tale. Film Federation of India has written a letter to Ritesh Batra after all the Oscar hullabaloo.

Read on.

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(PS – What’s with ???)

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Because that seems to be the only reason why none of us could speak out openly about our “best” film to be sent for Oscars in the Foreign Language category.

Now that i have seen it, let me say it loudly – The Lunchbox is Casablanca compared to The Good Road. I will come back to the film later. Let me also clarify few things first. I have been reading articles, posts and tweets on similar topic since last 3 days, and some of them are on such a wrong tangent. So here it goes.

Oscars

No, it’s not white man’s approval. It’s not even the best function or festival as far as films are concerned. Some of the best American films and actors don’t even bag a nomination. So why are we getting jizz in pants about Oscars?

Because it still matters. Because it’s money, market and reach. Because one nomination (and win) not only puts the spotlight on the director’s entire filmography but the country also comes into focus. Because it opens every possible door for its lead actors. The examples are many. In the last few years only Chile’s No, Israel’s Ajami and Footnote, Algeria’s Outside The Law, Greece’s Dogtooth, Denmark’s In A Better World, Argentina’s The Secret In Their Eyes, Japan’s Departures and Denmark’s After The Wedding have brought so much attention to their country’s cinema just by being nominated. Same goes for actors. Who knew Matthias Schoenaerts before the Bullhead?

A Cannes win also has the power to do all that. Ask the Romanian filmmakers. But Cannes is not so mainstream, Cannes is French, and Oscar is Amreekan. You know the difference, and two shall never meet. One is purely about cinema, the other is more about box office. Btw, do auteurs eat big burgers?

That’s the simple reason why Oscars count. Not for any white man supremacy. In 2011, when Asghar Farhadi went on stage to collect his award for The Separation, almost everyone knew that it was not only the “best foreign film” but it was the “best fucking film of the year”. The white man supremacy and approval logic is so 80s. The world went back to all his films and he was named one of the 100 Most Influential People in the world by Time magazine in 2012. Difficult to believe that the journey started with “Nader and Simin” (title was changed later) getting the distribution fund at Berlin fest.

So do i believe in Oscars? NO.

An award ceremony which never did any justice to Martin Scorsese, how can they be fair?

Do i watch Oscars? YES.

The only day in the year when i get up early and see the rising sun. Why? Because Marty believes in it. Because it’s good fun to watch some of your favourite actors, directors, screenwriters, all under the same roof and still be so cool and candid. And because they still make it “look” professional. Some of the best talents never get their due but when they get, it changes everything. One nod is all it takes. That’s it.

Foreign Language Category & The Good Road

In the last few years, this has become one of the most toughest category. The number of submissions keeps on increasing every year. You are not just competing with the best of the Amreekan cinema but from best of the world. Last year it was a new record with 71 films. This year’s running list already has 45 films. Heavyweight Wong Kar-wai’s The Grandmaster is already in the ring.

Since FFI’s announcement on The Good Road came out, anyone having any doubts about it, the first question asked was have you seen it? And as far as i knew nobody except the FFI jury had seen it. So, before writing any post on it, i decided to watch the film, and am so so disappointed after watching it.

So far i was only arguing that it’s always about the “right” film at the Oscars, it’s not about the “best” film. Why get so holier than thou and sentimental about putting our “best” film?  Especially when Oscars is just another ‘market’ event that does wonders. Put the “right” film out, play according to the games, play it smart, and get a nod. Simple. Just look at the big picture.

Now, if i consider this is the standard of our best film which is being sent to the world audience, am sorry to say that people will laugh at us. Don’t believe me, go watch “The Good Road”. The film is easily available on dvds and #youknowwhere. It doesn’t even look professional. Except an idea and intention, it has nothing to offer. It’s boring, the production looks tacky, direction is bad, performances are inconsistent, and acting by non-actors look like non-acting only. The arid landscape and the use of music are the only things that work.

The only Oscars bait was a sequence involving young girls in prostitution racket standing on platforms surrounded by coloured tubelights. Haven’t seen anything like that on screen.

With “The Good Road” as our submission, what’s our chance at the Oscars? i think ZILCH. I hope am proved wrong but i doubt it.

And what i am most confused about is the sudden support for the film. As a friend pointed out, just because it has suddenly become the David in front of The Lunchbox Goliath with UTV, Karan Johar and Anurag Kashyap in its support? Strange. Very, very strange. Watch both the films and compare the merits.

More strange is the fact that not a single mainstream critic in this country bothered to review the film when it released – in theatres and on dvds. That says more about the state of film criticism in this country.

The Lunchbox

With The Lunchbox, many of us believed it had a *chance*. Yes, just a chance. And we have been shouting about it. It’s a tough battle there. But with Sony Classics having its US rights and many influential American voices already pushing for it after watching the film at Cannes, Toronto and Telluride, it had the right visibility factor going for it. Michael Moore, Ted Hope and many others tweeted about it. Aseem Chhabra has written more about it here. Also, The Hollywood Reporter and Indiewire, the two ends of spectrum, were counting it among the frontrunners. And am sure they know (at least little bit) more and understand their Oscars more than us.

It was just not the “right” film but it’s a much, much better film than “The Good Road”. Just ideas and intentions don’t make a good film, or a good road.

So what did the FFI jury saw in the film which i could not? Let me quote from this interview of Gautam Ghose…

The criteria is simple — we had to select a film that represents the country perfectly.

WTF! Represents the country perfectly? As in peacocks and elephants? Do they watch the Oscars? Not sure what it means (Can someone explain?). After watching the film, all i can say is that The Good Road represents us amateurishly. You all made us look tacky in front of the world. Forget The Lunchbox, any other film would have been better too.

Though just Irrfan Khan and Nimrat Kaur’s performances were enough to pick the film. These two are not just the best performances of the year in Indian cinema, but they can be easily counted as among the best ones in world cinema too. So I would sincerely like to smoke what the FFI jury was smoking. Anyone?

Because this was our chance. Because we needed it. We needed to tell the world that we do more than naach-gaana now. We needed to assure Sony Classics that you can look and pick more Indian films that can do wonders. You don’t need to wait for 10-15 years again. We needed to tell the world that it’s not just Iranians, Romanians, Koreans, Greeks and Australians, we are also heading in right direction. And this was the best stage to do it. We had a chance, a bright and fair chance. But what a fuck up! what a royal fuck up this turned out to be.

One more thing – who made the rules suddenly that FFI can’t disclose the names of jury members? I would surely love to know the names of those 12 or 15 or 19 people who thought The Good Road was better than The Lunchbox and every other film that was submitted for consideration. As far as i remember, when the jury meet used to happen in Mumbai, almost all the jury members used to present in the press conference to announce their choice. What happened suddenly in the last two years or so? Are they afraid to endorse the film publicly because their taste will be questioned? Someone enlighten me here too. Come on, come out, tell us you loved The Good Road. And as the saying goes, any festival selection or win always tells you more about the jury than about the film. I will still try not to judge you.

@cilemasnob

( PS – The only consolation is we are not the only morons. We have company)

We hardly cover box office related news on the blog. But this is really becoming ridiculous, and in epic proportions. If you don’t track the box office numbers closely, let us explain what we mean.

Nikhil Advani’s D-Day released last friday. After its one week run, here are some of the box office number floating around. First one is by Taran Adarsh, who is a well respected trade analyst if you go by the tweets of B-townies. Also, well endorsed by most Bollywood people. Here’s what he tweeted about D-Day’s 1st week collection

TaranSo the figure given by Taran is 26 crore net.

Now, check out the figure given by others who also track box office. Amul Mohan edits another well known and respected trade magazine called Super Cinema. Here’s what Amul tweeted

AmulBy Amul’s report, the total box office collection of first seven days is 16.5 crores net. As you can see in the tweet, he has given the daily break up too.

So that means a difference of about 10crores (9.5 crores to be exact). A difference of 10crores! Is this a joke? Such a big industry and there’s no accountability of box office figures. Let’s check out the figures given by other sources too.

BoxOfficeIndia has given the same figure of 16.5 crores net.

BOIGirish Johar, who is with Balaji’s distribution wing and tracks box office on daily basis, has also tweeted the figure of 16.5 crores net. Komal Nahata, Editor of trade magazine Film Information, has pitched it far less at Rs 15.75 crores.

UPDATE – Box Office India magazine, which is another reliable source for numbers, they have also finally released the 1st week total of D-Day and it’s Rs 14.6 crores. Ooh la la.

This difference in the figure actually started from its opening weekend. Going by Taran’s tweet, D-Day opened with a collection of Rs 13.69 crs net. For the same three days, Amul tweeted the figure of Rs 9.65 crores net. And strangely, the figure given by DAR Motion Picture (Producer of D-Day) is something else – Rs 12 crores as quoted in this report. If you compare Taran and Amul’s numbers, the opening day collection is still close (Rs 2.94/2.50), but looks like Taran’s figures suddenly got wings from saturday.

Everyone in the industry knows that many trade analysts inflate/deflate box office figures based on various other factors – the kind of reviews they have given to show that they were correct in assessing the film’s potential, relationship with the star/maker, and other ulterior motives. A difference of 1 to 5 crore is almost the accepted norm every week. With no central body that does the job of tracking box office numbers, it’s left to the whims and fancies of trade analysts who play around with them the way they want. Strangely, when they endorse a film and it doesn’t manage to get good numbers, they sometimes don’t even reflect the numbers in their box office report. More generic terms like “not up to to the mark”, “above average” (when you don’t even know what average is), “good not great”, are used to cover up the numbers. Well, all this is for a bigger post some other day.

But CAN SOMEONE FIRST PLEASE EXPLAIN THE DIFFERENCE OF THIS 10 FUCKING CRORES ?

– Posted by @cilemasnob

Faces. Faces. Faces. Vertical. Horizontal. Just faces. Give me more faces.
Is this the brief for designing Prakash Jha’s film posters? Just have a look at the posters of his last four films – Satyagraha, Chakravyuh, Aarakshan and Raajneeti. What else do you see? Nothing.

Another interesting experiment – Try to see one poster and imagine the name of some other Prakash Jha film there. Would it make any difference? Naah.

So who is the culprit? Raise your hand please.

We started the segment “Just A Page” with completely different intention. But here’s a fun page in the same category. Read it to know more. It’s from the latest issue of trade magazine Film Information.

Aah, bollywood. There’s a reason why we love it so much.

SAW

Paradesi is the latest film by Tamil filmmaker Bala. Click on the play button and see if you can figure out what is this “reality teaser”. And why would anyone cut a teaser like this? though am not sure if this is an official video or made by some fan. But it seems the crew members are sharing it on social media platforms, so putting it here.

If you don’t know much about Bala and Paradesi, click here to read about his latest film. Anurag Kashyap and Phantom Films are releasing the film nationally with English subtitles.

Click here to watch its theatrical trailer.

Tip – Chinu

WHY?

The world needs to know. Anyone?

Here is the trailer.

And here’s the answer

Tip – Sumit.