Archive for December, 2009

2009 – The Master of Feel Bad started the year delivering his career’s first hit and the Master of Feel Good Cinema ended the year with a recording breaking monster hit! Aha, not that bad if we count only the boundaries. After the musical notes of the year, we sat down to discuss the filmy notes of the year. Here it is – the good, the bad and the fuglies!

1. Best Credit Roll – If ever a credit roll said something so simply and superbly, this is it. Luck By Chance. Also great debut by Zoya Akhtar.

2. Anurag Kashyap turned musical and how! More than a dozen songs and we discovered Amit Trivedi.

3. Anurag Kashyap – 2009 belongs to only one director. Dev D, Gulaal and even Paanch finally got a release, you know where. Whats more, he finished shooting his next film That Girl In Yellow Boots in just 13 days. Aur bolo ?

PS : The same Anurag Kashyap wrote the dialogues for Kurbaan ! Strange bedfellows remained strange.

4. Nobody, we repeat nobody, can save Harman/Hurrman/Harmann/Harrman/Whatever it is Baweja.

5. Wooden Film of the Year – New York. Three good looking woods with zero expression.

6. Ranbir Kapoor – Dude of the year! He is not only working with best directors of bollywood but delivering his best too. Cool & confused, fool & romantic, middle class & lost – he did it all.

7.Imran Luck Khan – The poster boy of 2008 is light years behind Ranbir. He only talks cool and acts still uncool.  Competition, whats that ?

8. Imtiaz Ali has only one story to tell. The journey of cool and confused lovers on the verge of marriage. First time, they were about to mary. Second time, they were close to marriage. This time, they finally married and then solved their problem. More here and here.

9. Samir Karnik got money to make one more movie. Who ? Where ? Why ? How ?

10. Rani Mukherjee’s career is over. Hadippa!

11. Multiplex cinema & hits are not everything. Its a big myth. Ask the makers of Wanted. Or is it only Salman Khan ?

12. And if its Salman Khan, why Main Aur Mrs Khanna packed up in just two days ? As they say, nobody knows anything. And what was UTV smoking ? 

13. Overrated Gimmicky shit of the year – Paa. More ramblings here.

14. R Balki should stick to making tv commercials. One idea and thats it. He also told the same story again. Smart & dying child bring lovers back together. Age gap somewhere. Check.

15. Akshay Kumar’s bubble busted and how!. He failed everywhere. Chandni Chowk, China, Hollywood, under water, inside or outside Tasveer.

16. The Invisible Director – Who is Anurag Singh ? Does anyone knows him ? The man who put the last nail in the coffin of Rani’s acting career. Hadippa!

17. Sanjay Gupta and gang (read Suparn) are still copying. Even the promos! Now the Unknown ones! More here.

18. Suresh Nair – the only writer to have two big films releases on the same friday. Aladin & London Dreams and both flopped.

19. Underrated Film – Sooni Tarporevala’s delightful Little Zizou, where all the possible parsis united to turn bollywood into pollywood! ( Missed Barah Aana, Mohandas)

20. Ripley’s Believe It Or Not – Sunil Shetty got an award for acting in Anant Mahadevan’s Red Alert – the War Within. Believe it, nobody has seen the film yet.

21. Most Subtle Expression of the year – In Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra’s Delhi 6, a man lands up with a mirror to show your andar ka kala bandar! Beat this!

22. Nagesh Kuknoor – Dont give him big budgests and big stars. He will go cuckoo-noor!

23. Vishal Bhardwaj delivered again. Five films in a row. And showed us Amole Gupte – the actor. More here.

24. Ajab Prem ki Gazab Kahani tried too hard to be Andaz Apna Apna. Insanity happens! You cant plan and design it.

25. ENG Filmmaker -Madhur Bhandarkar continued his expose and it finally flopped.

26. Smirk & Smug of the Year – Vivek Oberoi in Kurbaan. It was the ROFLOL film of the year where terrorism was wrapped in chiffon saree.

27. RajKumar Hirani lied to all of us and made the same film again. As a friend said, its Munnabhai B Tech. More here.

28. Couple Of The Year – Jaideep Sahni & Shimit Amin who delivered Rocket Singh – Sales Man of the Year! More here.

29. The only U-25 who proved us wrong – Ayan Mukherjee. Wake up Sid. Confident debut. More here.

30. Only 12 scenes, not 12 roles – Ask Priyanka Chopra. Easily the best performance of the year. Length doesnt matter, performanace counts. Vishal did it. Gowariker failed.

Bravery Awards  – Aftab Shivdasani turned writer and producer with Aao Wish Karein.

Someone directed a film titled Jai-Veeru!

Abhijeet Sawant turned actor.

LOL Titles Of The Year  – They said it all. No explanations required.

Kal Kisne Dekha

Do Knot Disturb

Fruit & Nuts

London Nightmares

Blue-s

Aa Dekhein Zara

Dhoondte Rah Jaoge

Ek Se Bure Do

(Tough) Luck

Shorkut – The Con Is On

PS. ENG – Electronic New Gathering.

Coming up next –  what to expect in 2010!

Chandan Arora gave us two small films with big hearts! Main Madhuri Dixit Banna Chahti Hoon and Main, Meri Patni Aur Woh…remember guncha koi! He is ready with his new film titled Striker starring Siddharth of Rang De Basanti fame, Padmapriya and Aditya Pancholi. The story is set in ’80s Mumbai and Siddharth plays Surya, a carrom champion from Malwani. The film releases on Feb 5th, 2010.

The first trailer of Striker is out. Have a look.

Filmmakers and critics – it always been a strange relationship and it will remain that way. Its more weird in India because most critics are not full time critics here. They handle editorial responsibilities as well, and for that, they need the same stars/directors almost everyday. Bonds develop and every critic have their own set of people for whom they are biased, consciously or sub-consciously. One star more, half a star less, anyone can easily manipulate.

And this is why gasbags like Sajid Khan dares to open his mouth. But who is he ? The filmmaker, oops, pottymaker who directed that potty piece full of potty jokes called  Hey Baby ( we are still not sure about the number of ‘y’s and why so). Like many other shitty ones, this one also worked at the box office. Since then the pottymaker has been shouting from rooftop that he deserves better stars. Can someone please explain to him that there is a BIG differnce between trade analyst and film critic. On second thoughts, if he had the brains to understand that then he would have never have been a pottymaker at first place.

Here’s the critics qawwali which he performed at the Star Sabse Favourite Kaun Award show recently. Enjoy, if you can.

Here are two videos we are playing in non-stop loop these days. First is, what they say, KISS! Keep it simple, stupid. Two characters, one car and a golden oldie. Who needs fancy props or locations for good chemistry, only a song will do. Check it out, the new SBI Life Insurance commercial.

The second one is the promotional video of Raat Gayi Baat Gayi. Quite catchy tune and surely deserves more airtime. Lil late, but we are blushing all over again, watching Iravati Harshe, our crush from DD days. 

The first look of Kartik Calling Kartik is out. The film has Farhan Akhtar and Deepika Padukone in lead, directed by Vijay Lalwani and produced by Excel Entertainment.

The first song promo of Karan Johar’s My Name Is Khan is out. Sajdaa. Lyrics by Niranjan Iyengar (wow) and music by Shankar Ehsaan Loy. Check it out!

Its that time of the year when we love making those lists. The best, the worst and the top ten. We sat down with some of our favourite music in non-stop loop and made our list of the good, the bad and fuglies. Whatever caught our attention, from every possible extreme. 

1. Ripley’s Believe It Or Not – We had Himesh Reshammiya in non-stop loop! He had Rekha Bhardwaj for company, but this Himesh is all new. Check it out, if you still havent!

2. Cuss Word Converter – Give a cuss word to him and it will never be the same again. The reason why Gul-still-Czar! Add Vishal’s vocals and you have the best title song of the year! Meri aarzoo kamini, mere khwab bhi kaminey, ek dil se dosti thi, yeh huzoor bhi kaminey!

3. Whats In  a Name Song – Earlier they had no names. It was kabootar ja ja ja and atriya pe lotan kabutar re! Rahman and Prasoon Joshi made sure that we all googled Masakalli. And you are still wondering whats in a name, that too of a dove!

4. Religion Converter Song – It seems that A R Rahman is hell bent on making sure that we go for religion conversion soon. First it was Piya haaji ali, then Khwaja mere khwaja and this year he gave us Arziyaan. If I ever convert, blame it on Rahman, only Rahman. For cheap thrills, we still try to count the number of times “maula” is there in the song. Whats your count ?

5. Killer One Song  – Shankar Ehsaan Loy had the complete album, Amit Trivedi killed them with just ek gaana called ek taara!

6. New Genrae – Piyush Mishra invented a new genrae of mujra, polticial mujra!  Jaise door desh ke tower me ghus jaye re  aeroplane. Gulaal. Now our only worry is if he can be denied USA visa for putting 9/11 in a mujra

7. Legends Should Retire – Dont attack us! But if this is what we get, legends should remain as legends. Illayaraja’s music did little for Cheeni Kum and it was the same for Paa. Except the theme tune nothing worked in Paa. The udi mudi judi or whatever it is, doesnt stay even for few seconds! or May be legends should never work with their fanboys!

8. Song ONLY for the Big Screen – It proved us wrong. Dhan tedan! Its only for the big screen, in a dark theatre. We saw it once. We went again. Watching it on tv, we were wondering why has Vishal shot a song inside a nightclub in such unimaginative way. We saw it on the big screen and ate all our words, twice!

9. Musical Aag of The Year – Is Ashutosh Gowariker’s music sense complete zero ? Was it all Rahman ? Like his film, the music CD was quite a fat one packed with 13 forgettable songs! And shot in similar way! Is this the same man who shot yeh jo desh hai tera & khwaja mere khwaja ?

10. Music That Was Hit in Fantasyland – The album was hit in twittosphere but shit otherwise. Aladin. The cast and the crew went on overdrive with their tweets but as Time Out’s Nandini Ramnathan wrote, it was all gone in sixty seconds!

11. Vishal Dadlani must be the only rock-star who writes nursery rhymes. Have you heard the “hey baby, you may be” whatever shit it is! But he can put his vocals to great use. Kurbaan hua had our Rocky in full throttle!

12. No Pun Intended SongPocket me rocket hai, pocket me. As a friend said, it sounds like a great jingle for sex toys.

13. Cheap-est Thrill-est Song – Only for Adults! Bold and bitchy! Dev D. Courtesy lyricist Amitabh Bhattacharya. Pyaar, emosanal atyachaar, bitch and (w)hooooore – all at one go!

14.  Best Installation Art in a song – Chandni chowk came close to New York, Gau Mata was near Gucci and we had our eyes wide open because Dil gira daftan.

15. Mohit Chauhan can do a masakalli and melancholy with equal ease! Can we now spare him! Why only rona dhona senti menti songs?

16. Best of 2009 – Bunch of kids got together in an “Audio Garage” and delivered the album of the year and the love anthem of our generation. Dev D. Music director, lyricist, singers – all new. Amit Trivedi, Amitabh Bhattacharya and the gang! ( If Rahman and Bhardwaj dont deliver, who will. So, would not put them here). 

17. A R Rahman gave us a musical note for boo boo. Its called Buuloooo.

18.  Best Closing Notes of the Year – Check out the last 2 mins of Rehna tu! Pure bliss. Can someone enlighten us what instrument it is. 

19. Underrated Songs of the YearPankho ko from Rocket Singh – Salesman Of The Year and Delhi Destiny from 99. Everything else gets so much overplay that the joy of discovering a good song is almost dead. Jaideep delivers one of the best lines of the year…..uljhe nahi to kaise suljhoge….bikhre nahi to kaise nikhroge.

20. Imtiaz Ali is going for formula in his music too. One punjabi bhangra for closing credit, one peppy number with english words, one sad song in Mohit or Raahat’s voice and blah blah! Partner in crime – Pritam.

21. Weirdest Words of the Year – Bhangra bistar! Courtesy – Jaideep Sahni.

22. Wannabe BPL Rock Album of the Year – London Dreams.

23. Worst Musical Import of the Year – Kylie Minogue with chiggy wiggie! whatever that means.

24. Worst Musical Export of the Year – Rahman with Couples Retreat. Why, O Dear Lord, why ?

25. Self-Flagellation Song of the YearBebo main bebo!

26. Musical Sucess Party of the Year – Dulha Mil Gaya! Yes, they threw a party to celebrate its musical success. Who is listening ?

27. Jingles of the Yeardil titli…dil titli….kabhi yaadon ka…kabhi sapno ka and Yeh kis pyaari hifazat me ho befikri ki haalat hai..yaara o yaara. First one is by Swanand Kirkire and second by Gulzar.

28.  Few things that never change – Atif still singing out of tune, here, there, everywhere. But its still working…tu jaane na ( Ajab Prem ki Ghajab Kahani )nobody knows why and how! Confession – we also love it!

29. Cinematic Homage Song of the Year – Akira Kurosawa from Chintuji. Its a riot…Kapola kapola! Listen carefully and see how many filmmakers you can spot!

Coming up next is filmy fuglies of the year!

PS. BPL – Below the Poverty Line.