Posts Tagged ‘Harman Baweja’

Fuck the Filmfare, Screen, IIFA, GIFA, Stardust, Zee Cine and every XYZ Awards. They are all the same. Tv shows that needs naach-gaana and stars. And so the competition is who sucks better than whom and which star!  Most of them are organised by even management companies who get the stars to do naach-gaana and make sure that everyone gets a fat cheque.

So, here is the real deal – Golden Kela Awards by Random Magazine . Desi Razzies! Pure honesty! 100 percent shuddh!Its the second year of the award. And for a change, we agree with every choice of theirs. Thats rare! Outlook’s Follywood Awards are also good but Golden Kela Awards scores better because they have much better categories.

Worst Film – Kambakkht Ishq

Worst Director – Ashutosh Gowariker for WTF is Your Raashee 

Worst Actor – Harman/Hurman/Harrman/Harmun/Whatever Baweja for WTFYR

Worst Actress – Kareena Kapoor for Kambakkht Ishq

Worst Supporting Actor – Ranvir Shorey for Chandi Chowk to China

Worst Supporting Actress – Deepika Padukone for Chandni Chowk To China

Worst Debutant Male – Jackie Bhagnani for Kal Kisne Dekha

Worst Debutant Female – Shruti Hasan for Luck

Worst Pair – Rani Mukherjee & Shahid Kapoor for Dil Bole Hadippa

When Did This Come Out Award – Deepak Tijori’s Fox

Most Original Story Award – Dil Bole Hadippa copied from She’s The Man

Baawra Ho Gaya Hai Ke Award – Sylvester Stallone & Denise Richards for Kambakkht Ishq

Most Irritating Song of the year Award – Pritam for Love Mera Hit Hit from Billu Barber

Most Atrocious Lyrics Award- Sameer for Love Me Love Me from Wanted

Special Awards 

The Lajja Award for Worst Treatment of a Serious Issue – Kabir Khan & Aditya Chopra for New York

The Dara Singh Award For Worst Accent – Abhishek Bachchan for Delhi 6

The Black Award for Emotional Blackmail – Paa

The Insensitivity Award – Chandni Chowk To China

The Bas Kijiye Bahut Ho Gaya Award  – Madhur Bhandarkar

The Critic’s Award of 2009 – Taran Adarsh

Cyrus Broacha, the chief guest of the show was awarded the Cyrus Broacha Memorial Award this year. To read more about the awards, nominations and blogs, click here. And click on the play button to watch a tv report on Kela-ophobia.

2009 – The Master of Feel Bad started the year delivering his career’s first hit and the Master of Feel Good Cinema ended the year with a recording breaking monster hit! Aha, not that bad if we count only the boundaries. After the musical notes of the year, we sat down to discuss the filmy notes of the year. Here it is – the good, the bad and the fuglies!

1. Best Credit Roll – If ever a credit roll said something so simply and superbly, this is it. Luck By Chance. Also great debut by Zoya Akhtar.

2. Anurag Kashyap turned musical and how! More than a dozen songs and we discovered Amit Trivedi.

3. Anurag Kashyap – 2009 belongs to only one director. Dev D, Gulaal and even Paanch finally got a release, you know where. Whats more, he finished shooting his next film That Girl In Yellow Boots in just 13 days. Aur bolo ?

PS : The same Anurag Kashyap wrote the dialogues for Kurbaan ! Strange bedfellows remained strange.

4. Nobody, we repeat nobody, can save Harman/Hurrman/Harmann/Harrman/Whatever it is Baweja.

5. Wooden Film of the Year – New York. Three good looking woods with zero expression.

6. Ranbir Kapoor – Dude of the year! He is not only working with best directors of bollywood but delivering his best too. Cool & confused, fool & romantic, middle class & lost – he did it all.

7.Imran Luck Khan – The poster boy of 2008 is light years behind Ranbir. He only talks cool and acts still uncool.  Competition, whats that ?

8. Imtiaz Ali has only one story to tell. The journey of cool and confused lovers on the verge of marriage. First time, they were about to mary. Second time, they were close to marriage. This time, they finally married and then solved their problem. More here and here.

9. Samir Karnik got money to make one more movie. Who ? Where ? Why ? How ?

10. Rani Mukherjee’s career is over. Hadippa!

11. Multiplex cinema & hits are not everything. Its a big myth. Ask the makers of Wanted. Or is it only Salman Khan ?

12. And if its Salman Khan, why Main Aur Mrs Khanna packed up in just two days ? As they say, nobody knows anything. And what was UTV smoking ? 

13. Overrated Gimmicky shit of the year – Paa. More ramblings here.

14. R Balki should stick to making tv commercials. One idea and thats it. He also told the same story again. Smart & dying child bring lovers back together. Age gap somewhere. Check.

15. Akshay Kumar’s bubble busted and how!. He failed everywhere. Chandni Chowk, China, Hollywood, under water, inside or outside Tasveer.

16. The Invisible Director – Who is Anurag Singh ? Does anyone knows him ? The man who put the last nail in the coffin of Rani’s acting career. Hadippa!

17. Sanjay Gupta and gang (read Suparn) are still copying. Even the promos! Now the Unknown ones! More here.

18. Suresh Nair – the only writer to have two big films releases on the same friday. Aladin & London Dreams and both flopped.

19. Underrated Film – Sooni Tarporevala’s delightful Little Zizou, where all the possible parsis united to turn bollywood into pollywood! ( Missed Barah Aana, Mohandas)

20. Ripley’s Believe It Or Not – Sunil Shetty got an award for acting in Anant Mahadevan’s Red Alert – the War Within. Believe it, nobody has seen the film yet.

21. Most Subtle Expression of the year – In Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra’s Delhi 6, a man lands up with a mirror to show your andar ka kala bandar! Beat this!

22. Nagesh Kuknoor – Dont give him big budgests and big stars. He will go cuckoo-noor!

23. Vishal Bhardwaj delivered again. Five films in a row. And showed us Amole Gupte – the actor. More here.

24. Ajab Prem ki Gazab Kahani tried too hard to be Andaz Apna Apna. Insanity happens! You cant plan and design it.

25. ENG Filmmaker -Madhur Bhandarkar continued his expose and it finally flopped.

26. Smirk & Smug of the Year – Vivek Oberoi in Kurbaan. It was the ROFLOL film of the year where terrorism was wrapped in chiffon saree.

27. RajKumar Hirani lied to all of us and made the same film again. As a friend said, its Munnabhai B Tech. More here.

28. Couple Of The Year – Jaideep Sahni & Shimit Amin who delivered Rocket Singh – Sales Man of the Year! More here.

29. The only U-25 who proved us wrong – Ayan Mukherjee. Wake up Sid. Confident debut. More here.

30. Only 12 scenes, not 12 roles – Ask Priyanka Chopra. Easily the best performance of the year. Length doesnt matter, performanace counts. Vishal did it. Gowariker failed.

Bravery Awards  – Aftab Shivdasani turned writer and producer with Aao Wish Karein.

Someone directed a film titled Jai-Veeru!

Abhijeet Sawant turned actor.

LOL Titles Of The Year  – They said it all. No explanations required.

Kal Kisne Dekha

Do Knot Disturb

Fruit & Nuts

London Nightmares

Blue-s

Aa Dekhein Zara

Dhoondte Rah Jaoge

Ek Se Bure Do

(Tough) Luck

Shorkut – The Con Is On

PS. ENG – Electronic New Gathering.

Coming up next –  what to expect in 2010!

Whats Your Raashee ?Mr. Tapan, where are you ? You saw the film ? BTW, if you are wondering who is Tapan, click here and check the comments section. (People try too hard but going by our record, we can say that we rarely go wrong. Hope its not sounding too pompous)

And now back to the topic. Call it the Titanic or Ashutosh Gowariker’s Aag, What’s Your Raashee is finally out. Am wondering if  Gowariker has checked his raashee predictions for the day! Because its going to be a long day of only bad news, or reviews!

Yesterday we put out a post on the film and placed our bets. Lets see if we got it right or not. 

The film is directed by Ashutosh Gowariker, produced by UTV, stars Harman Baweja, Priyanka Chopra and has music by Sohail Sen.

Anupama Chopra (NDTV) – Ashutosh Gowarikar is a fine filmmaker who has consistently strived to stretch the boundaries of mainstream Hindi cinema – recall the Oscar nominated Lagaan or the less successful but thought-provoking Swades. What’s Your Rashee is a gargantuan misstep. See it if you must – 1.5/5

Taran Adarsh (Indiafm) – On the whole, What’s Your Raashee ? is a king-sized disappointment – 1.5/5

Sukanya Varma (Rediff) – And boy, what a lady! Priyanka Chopra transforms into 12 new skins with astonishing distinction, voice and spirit. The actress reinvents herself into this unique individual every single time ranging from batty, bashful and boisterous. This is simply her show. If only it weren’t three and a half hours long – 2/5

Rajeev Masand (CNN IBN) – There is no easy way to say this. Ashutosh Gowariker’s What’s Your Raashee? is an excruciatingly painful film to watch. For the most part humorless and misguided, the film lumbers along for an unforgivable three-hours-and-thirty minutes, during which even the most patient viewers might contemplate suicide – 1.5/5

Gaurav Malani (Indiatimes)The mystery on who will Yogesh marry in the end doesn’t hold much thrill as he himself isn’t certain of his choice. He is confused with most options open till the end. The viewer is exhausted for the exit door is still closed – 2/5

Avijit Ghosh (TOI) – Size matters. A less-than-ruthless editor could have easily trimmed What’s Your Raashee by 45 minutes without compromising on its soul. Gowariker seems to have fallen in love with his own work. Too bad, his indulgence prevents the audience from doing the same – 3/5

Suranjana Nandy (Buzz18) – It’s too long. Too inane. And at times, very boring. Buy the DVD, in parts if possible but there’s no way you can sit through it in the theatre – 2/5

Kaveree Bamzai (India Today) – What we have is a boring long epic, with 12 Priyankas, 14 songs and a host of minor characters whom no one particularly cares about – 2/5

Khalid Mohamed (Aslibaat) – it’s too darn lengthy at three hours-24-minutes which actually seem like 300 hours-240 minutes. Or an eternity which called for two intermissions. Mera Naam Boredom anyone? – 1/5

Minty Tejpal (Mumbai Mirror) – Alarmingly, there is no depiction or debate about the crucial in between act – sex, and this in the land of Kamasutra. Now that our divorce rates are spiralling, sexual crime is getting more regular and perverse, isn’t it time we grew up and addressed that little point also? After all, we are a hundred billion strong, so we must have done something to get there – 1/5

On an average, its 1.5-2 for Whats Your Raashee. Its a mixed feeling at the end of the day. Happy that we predicted the direction in which it was going and we are spot on. Sad because we are yet not sure what is Gowariker smoking these days! Can anyone enlighten us ?

Ashutosh GowarikerBlame it on Raashee! The film or his sun sign, we are yet not sure. But one thing is for sure – the film Whats Your Raashee (starring Priyanka Chopra and Harman Baweja) is UNBEARABLE! We might be jumping the gun here but heard that those who saw the film were pleading desperately for a gun! And some of them were even dead by the time it got over.

Today there was a press screening of the film. We managed to sent a spy who twittterd us some intersting every bit about the film.

Best part of the film – Interval!

Post interval – Am almost in a state of comatose. Wake me up before I die!

After sometime – BTW, there is ten minutes discussion on sampoorn sharirik sambandhan!

Me– Nishkarsh kya nikla (conclusion)

He – Thankfully none!

Moi – whats the point ?

He – That should have been the name of the film or atleast the tagline!

Conclusion – This is Gowariker’s Aag! Nobody can like this film. People might buy the ticket and go inside but lets see how many can come out alive after 3.5 hours!

Be ready to roll out the red carpet for the new member of the club whose preveileged members includes Subhash Ghai, Ram Gopal Varma, Sanjay Leela Bhansali among many others.

Are we surprised ? Naah. Everything was indicating in the same direction. Harman Baweja, Promos, Songs…we hated everything. Then came out the duration 3.5 hours, the Variety review and someone even leaked out the print! Seems this time even luck is not on his side. To read our earlier post on Variety review click here.

One person must be laughing out loud! Sajid Khan. And as someone said after the press screening, Gowariker deserves this one, he was taking himself too seriously, flying too high like Sanjay Leela Bhansali. This one will get him to ground. But its surprising that UTV gave him so much freedomand!

Ideally we should wait for the reviews. But am willing to stick my neck out and say this is going to sink faster than Titanic! Wanna bet ?

Whats Your Raashee ?The first review of Whats Your Raashee is out! This one is from Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) where the film had its premiere. And as we told you in this post, Whats Your Raashee is indeed 3hrs 20mins long. Variety confirms it. So get ready with your pillows and bean bags if you plan to catch the film!

Back to the review or mini-review. Though the review doesnt say much but click here or scroll down to read the full review. 

For an hour, “What’s Your Raashee?” — the first romantic comedy from director Ashutosh Gowariker (“Jodhaa Akbar”) — zips along on a silly premise: Returning home to Mumbai, a young and handsome Chicagoan (Harman Baweja) has 10 days to find a wife and earn Grandpa’s inheritance, lest his brother’s gambling debt bring the family down.

But as Baweja’s sweet Yogesh proceeds to “interview” each of a dozen ladies (all played by Priyanka Chopra), and the film stretches to a whopping 211 minutes, even Bollywood aficionados will consider breaking the engagement. Likable leads can’t guarantee a sizable dowry upon the pic’s Sept. 25 release.

Each with a different astrological sign (or rashee), Chopra’s prospective brides run the gamut. Girl No. 1 is ditzy; No. 2 is a hot microbiologist with, alas, a boyfriend; the gum-snapping third girl occasions a big dance number; the fourth is painfully shy, a victim of past heartbreak; the fifth is a fussy businesswoman who brings along a prenup agreement; and after the sixth, who believes in reincarnation, there are still six more to go. Two or three peppy songs prove woefully insufficient to sustain a 3½-hour trifle, however good-looking.

The film is an adaptation of the novel Kimball Ravenswood. We hated the music (Sohail Sen), the promos, and now it seems the film will complete the full circle! Should Harman Baweja look for a new career option? Think so. Its high time! And Priyanka Chopra might get her name in some record book for potraying 12 roles in a film but all she needs is just 12 scenes! Watch Kaminey, ask Vishal Bharadwaj!

The film will release in India on September 25th. Am in no hurry to book my tickets! Who knows, might have to watch it in 12 installments!

Whats Your Raashee ?WTF!!! Yes, that was our first reaction when we heard about it! We know that Ashutosh Gowariker cant make films less than 3 hours and he got it right in his last three films – Jodha Akbar, Swades and Lagaan. All three films were longer than 3 hours.

But, Harman Baweja is not Aamir Khan, Shah Rukh Khan or Hrithik Roshan! Also, there is no A R Rahman this time! The songs are fuckall, atleast we didnt like a single song in the What’s Your Raashee album. And this must be the longest romcom in the history of cinema! We are praying and how!

If gossipmongers are to be believed Ashutosh Gowariker is not happy with 3hrs 20 mins, he wants to keep it at 3hrs 40mins! Is he planning a filmy version of Mujhe Iss Film Se Bachao!

The promos look bad, the songs suck, Harman is horrible but we still want to see the film. Because we trust the director and 12 avtaars of Priyanka seems interesting idea! Very few actors get to do something like this! Sincerly hoping that Gowariker hasnt lost it like many others!

Whats Your Raashee ?Because he seriously needs to check his daily horoscope reports. If the teaser, music and promos of Whats Your Raashee is any indication of things to come, we are running far far away from it. The song Jao na (dont go) sounds “please please run away” to us! Just check out the song promo. Its the first song promo that have been released.

What the fuck is this ? Who would release such a bad first song promo of the film ? Is it the same Ashutosh Gowariker who shot Yeh jo desh hai tera (Swadees), O re chori (Lagaan) and Khwaja mere khwaja (Jodhoa Akbar)! Unfuckingbelievable!  This is horrible. And it seems, its shot on chroma. You can easily make that out. Mumbai roads….late night…why would you go for chroma!

First Harman Baweja, then the fuckall teaser, then this song promo and now the music of Whats Your Raashee…..nothing seems to be going right. The album has 13 songs. I heard it thrice, none of the song stays with you. Zero repeat value. The arrangement make it sound like we are going back to Nadeem-Shravan days! I would even vote it for Javed Akhtar’s worst work.  Sample this….pyaar pyaari nayi nayi nyaari nyaari….aisi hai baatein teri saari….dil maine khoya jaan vari….kyunki pyaari pyaari…tukbandi was never so dull!

Music is by debutant Sohail Sen. Am all for new talent but yes, talent is the key word! Or was i searching for Rahman in the album ? Naah, am not going back to it again!