F.i.g.h.t C.l.u.b

The director (lets call him aKa) made a fist, positioned it in front of his crotch, moved it to and fro, cracking a joke on me, because thats what I think love is all about. Atleast accoding to him. Why ? Because I didnt feel the lump in my throat when i saw Love Aaj Kal(a title that sounds like a mathematics theorem and is even written like one). Ofcourse, aKa felt that lump, a big one too and some three four times. That Mr Ali has already been branded as bollywood’s new age love guru and every producer/director aspires to make a Jab We Met kind of romcom is surely some indication. And, mere har jhoot ki niyat hamesha sach thi Guddu!

But fuck that new age. Fuck that theorem of love. Enough of that cool and confused one. One that make an effort to sound smart and make you laugh. Hail the Bharadwaj Boy! Why ? Because for me, the greatest stories are those which belongs to us, of our times, of our politics. And someone finally dares to touch the M-word. Marathi, Maharashtra, Mumbai. Ironic that the filmmaker belongs to other M(eerut) town. The newspapers had enough, there were lot of tv debates. But like always, politics is a bad word in our bollyland. And only few dare. And, mere har jhoot ki niyat hamesha sach thi Guddu!

Sharmaji from Bambai is in love with Sweety from Mumbai. The risk ? Your do nimboo aur mirchi! And still he goes for it and pulls it off with so much ease. And, mere har jhoot ki niyat hamesha sach thi Guddu!

As the film moved on, i was wondering if love will again be doomed in Bhardwaj’s Kaminey, as it happened in Maqbool and Omakara! When killing is more poetic that any happy ending, i dont complain. Kareena’s dead body on the swing, Tabu looking through the mosquito net, aha…the visuals that will stay with me forever. But finally Bharadwaj has a happy ending to his love story of Guddu and Sweety! And, mere har jhoot ki niyat hamesha sach thi Guddu!

As Guddu gives condom gyaan, Sweety drops the bomb. Her eggo is preggo. She has tested thrice. No, its again not that dude style, where the couple decides to part away after mouthing some cool lines. Here the writing on the wall is apne haath jagannath. They dont shy away. Shit happens. And you can get rid of it in just 24 hours. Thats my generation. Knows the shit, wants it, enjoys it and wants to get rid of it too. And, mere har jhoot ki niyat hamesha sach thi Guddu!

 During my school days, we used to open the history books, hold it vertically and used to enjoy the history lessons. It used to baffle our history teacher and somehow it always remained a mystery to him. Inside the history books, it used to either Nandan, Champak, Suman Sourabh, Nagraj, Super Commando Dhruv, Doga, Bhokal or Chacha Chaudhry.

Nandan had a popular punch line too – Jo bacche Nandan padhte hain, woh jeevan me aage badhte hain. Me and my sister never cared much about jeevan me aage badhna but with every new issue of Nandan, we used to fight. She always claimed the first right because her excuse was she would finish it quickly and i take lot of time to read. I would wait for my turn.

I dont remember if any hero of hindi films ever claimed to read Nandan or Champak. Guddu did. And he wins it. Guddu stammered and so Sweety decided to do so, to boost his confidence. Love is all about stammering together. Its not just about drinking same tea or coffee. One is tangible, the other one is sharing the discomfort. The group of aunties who sat in the row behind me kept on wondering about Sweety if yeh bhi totali hai kya ? Aisa kaisa? Its the payoff.

Finally, the petrom pump scene. One of the most romantic scenes I have seen in recent times. One that gave me lump in my throat. Mr aKa, love is not only to and fro. Just like its not about drinking black tea! Sweety wants to fly out for honeymoon, she managed to book the tickets last minute. But Guddu remembers his school love suddenly. All of a sudden. Sweety wonders why. Bus abhi yaad aaya na. Aha, love without calculations. And, mere har jhoot ki niyat hamesha sach thi Guddu!

Whats with all the Tarantino and Ritchie talks ? Was i the only one who didnt remember any bit of any of those filmmakers while watching Kaminey! The characters are so rooted, they speak so many languages, so much mannerism, the psychedelic visuals, the brooding sky, the morning rains…i was stuck! Eyes wide open! All i want to know now is the man called Tassaduq Hussain.

And, mere har jhoot ki niyat hamesha sach thi Guddu! Beat this killer line. Dont think anyone will. Atleast not this year. And yeah, do handover the award for the performance by an ensemble cast to Kaminey! Say no more.