Posts Tagged ‘bollywood’

We don’t like Olive branches. Fest films don’t make money in India. We are still not sure about how to say it – is it Cann, Kans or Cannes? French people are rude. There are enough excuses for not making it to the official Cannes list. Or as Balki put it here, “There are no Cannes films in India! Ask why? The day one of those films will be enjoyed by us, our films will be enjoyed by them.” I wish Balki had seen the ruckus during the screening of Biutiful at MAMI last year. And  the organisers were forced to have  two more shows of the film. “Our” number might be less but that’s no reason to be so dumb and dismissive about it. Not that we ever had any doubts about Balki’s take on cinema (Kill a kid, let the lovers unite – Cheeni Kum/Paa), but this reason puts him in a different league all together.

What’s on the Cannes menu this year?

Well, Aishwarya Rai, Sonam Kapoor and Freida Pinto will walk the red carpet, not for any film but for L’Oreal Paris. This is the perfect combo – an almost has been actor who never earned any points for her acting skills, a daddy’s girl who was last seen in Anees Bazmee’s atrocious Thank You, and the third one whose middle name should be ladyluck. Apart from the brand that they are endorsing, there is only one common factor that all three share – lack of any acting talent. Imagine someone talking to Sonam Kapoor at the fest – So, what was your last release? That’s True Grit.

Blame it on the Fest too? They are all about stars, about sponsors, about big money, but they are also about cinema. About finding that independent and unique voice and putting it on the world cinema map. Even with all the goss and the glamour, you can’t deny that credit.

What else?

Mallika Sherawat has also been thereatening to make her presence felt like she did last year and the year before that. Peek a boo-b with some Hisss and you will always get some pics clicked. BTW, have you noticed her twitter handle – it’s MallikaLA. Conspiracy theorists believe that she is trying hard to belong “there” and detach from here. She even got a pic clicked with Barack Obama (Ssshhh..she has new film coming up called Politics Of Love. But it might go direct to dvd. Oops) Or is that just good ol’ photoshop? So MallikaLA, how about changing the handle to MallikaCannes?

Films in competition?

Someone please help me here. When was the last time a desi film made it to the competition section of Cannes? Ok, let’s make the base wider. Competition section of any of the top six (Cannes, Berlin, Venice, Sundance, Toronto, Locarno) film fests?

Vikramaditya Motwane’s Udaan was in Cannes Un Certain regard section last year. Bit of googling and you will know that all those countries which are so small that they are difficult to locate on a world map and with names which are difficult to pronounce, even they are  making that Cannes cut.  Why and how? Blame it all on our bollywood musical and melodrama? Or go back to Balki’s bolly-gyaan.

Bollywood – The Greatest Love Story Ever Told?

And this isn’t helping much. If we can’t qualify, let’s make a film for them. According to official release….

Bollywood – The Greatest Love Story Ever Told, is the title of a feature film produced by Shekhar Kapoor exclusively for the Festival de Cannes. It will be screened out of competition during the 64th Festival that runs from the 11th to the 22nd of May.

 It all began with a conversation with ShekharKapoor, a member of the Cannes Jury in 2010. Why not make a film that brings together the most beautiful moments in the history of Indian musical films, with all their moving pageantry and dance? A few months later, there was Bollywood, The Greatest Love Story Ever Told. It is a swirling and poignant montage in which Shekhar Kapoor, Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra
 and
 Jeff Zimbalist pay tribute to this cinema genre that has contributed to establishing India’s identity in the eyes of the world and to making Mumbaione of the world capitals of film history.

 “We love it. We hate it. We see it as regressive. We see it as modern. We need to breathe it to feel alive. Some say it is the only culture that holds India together. Some say it gives identity and individuality to 25 million Indians that have left her shores and who’s third generations that are still addicted to it. That’s Bollywood!”

Direction Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra
 et 
Jeff Zimbalist. Production : Shekhar Kapoor &
UTV Motion Pictures with Ronnie Screwvala and Trishya Screwvala. India, 2011, 81mn)

That’s Bollywood! Well, that’s the baggage too. At a time when filmmakers are trying to find their voice, trying new ideas, this montage/documentary/film will reinforce every cliche attached to the cinema of Bollylalaland.

Shekhar Kapoor has written a post about it on his blog – How it started, why and where. And i still can’t sense anything substantial in it except for some razzmatazz on the beats of dola re dola. The intention must be honest, but how about championing a film next time at the Cannes?

( PS – Dear Shekhar, have you seen Aaranya Kaandam?)

imran khanImran Khan is the latest bollywood celeb to join Twitter. Karan Johar introduced him to it. Imran can be found at http://twitter.com/1mrankhan .

We have also updated the list of other bollywood celebs on twitter. Take your pick.

Actors

Priyanka Chopra – http://twitter.com/priyankachopra

Uday Chopra – http://twitter.com/udaychopra

Sonam Kapoor – http://twitter.com/sonamakapoor

Ritesh Deshmukh – http://twitter.com/Riteishd

Mallika Sherawat – http://twitter.com/MallikaLA

Gul Panag –  http://twitter.com/gulpanag

Dino Morea – http://twitter.com/DinoMorea9

Ayesha Takia – http://twitter.com/Ayeshatakia

Lara Dutta – http://twitter.com/DuttaLara

Anushka Sharma – http://twitter.com/ANUSHKASHARMA01

Rahul Khanna – http://twitter.com/R_Khanna

 

Directors

Ram Gopal Varma – http://twitter.com/rgvzoomin

Shekhar Kapur – http://twitter.com/shekharkapur

Saket Chaudhary – http://twitter.com/sakiboy

Karan Johar – http://twitter.com/kjohar25

Hansal Mehta – http://twitter.com/hansal

Sujoy Ghosh – http://twitter.com/sujoy_g

Tarun Mansukhani – http://twitter.com/Tarunmansukhani

Madhur Bhandarkar – http://twitter.com/mbhandarkar

Kaizad Gustad – http://twitter.com/kaizadgustad

 

Music

Vishal Dadlani – http://twitter.com/V1SH4L

 Shreya Ghoshal – http://twitter.com/shreyaghoshal

 

Others (Producer s/ Writers/ Magazine)

Pritish Nandy – http://twitter.com/PritishNandy

Shridhar Raghavan – http://twitter.com/ShridharR

Amit Khanna – http://twitter.com/amitkhanna 

Bobby Bedi – http://twitter.com/bobbybedi

Filmfare – http://twitter.com/filmfare

We are sure, have missed many others. Do let us know.

bollywoodThis post is just Cntrl C + Cntrl V. From the tweets of a rather interesting writer/director. Since we dont want to end his filmy career so soon, we are putting it all here, without giving any credit to him, which he surely deserves. Check out the definitions according to bollywood dictionary.

CEO (noun) – A man who follwed up his 2 year MBA with a 3 week course in film-making.

 – we felt 3 weeks is too long! And so, he redefined it.

CEO ( noun) – An executive who followed up his 2 year MBA with 1 week Syd Field workshop.

We added, two terms that every CEO knows by heart and blabber around always…

1. Plot Point 2. Character Graph

And here is our favourite one!

Creative Head (noun) – A girl/guy who slept with the CEO when she/he attended the 1 week Syd Field Workshop.

The one written with sharp claws –

 Whiz-kid (noun) – A star son, nephew, niece, daughter who makes directorial debut at 25.

Aur yeh to bilkul sach hai…sau fisdi sach….

Screening (noun) – An event organized for the specific purpose of lying.

We added this bit…

Premiere (noun) – An event organized to find out whose lie is the bestest! And you hav to say it without laughing.

The precious one…

Bound Script (noun) – An object that everybody in the industry likes to hold and nobody likes to read.

And from big screen to small screen…

Reality Show – A graveyard where dead careers are resurrected.

Do let us know if you are aware of any other definitions from the dictionary! And thnx Mr Writer/Director…gimme more!

The HangoverAges ago, we told you so! Here is the post where we wrote about how bollywood biggies are desperate to remake The Hangover.

And according to Mumbai Mirror, Firoz Nadiadwala has purchased the remake rights of the film. But according to our sources, the final deal is still not done and negotiation is on. Papers not signed yet.

The remake will be directed by Anees Bazmee. Abhishek Bachchan will play Bradley Cooper’s role and Paresh Rawal will step into the shoes of Zach Galifianakis. Ritesh Deshmukh, Sanjay Dutt and Katrina Kaif might join the gang too. The 4o plus actor whom we mentioned in our earlier post is Sanju Baba who is damn interested to get the remake rights for his production house.  

All we can say is what happens in Las Vegas, should stay in Las Vegas. And should never come to bollywood! 

Sameera ReddyTimes are changing and surely for good. According to this report in Hindustan Times, Sameera Reddy is all ready to quit bollywood. Reason – She is not getting any good offers! Is that any news ? She should have packed up long back. We hope she quickly packs her bags now before someone approaches her and makes us suffer one time. Enough of Reddy’s T & A.

BTW, we wonder if Sanjay Gupta is the reason. With no sugar daddies to help her out, what will Reddyji do. And if you havent read Guptaji’s quote on Reddyji, do click here.

Among the new breed, Dibakar Banerjee is one of our favourite filmmakers. Two films, Khosla Ka Ghosla & Oye Lucky Lucky Oye, and you know he belongs to a different tribe. Outlook magazine has done a cover story on the lovelogy of  indian cinema. There are essays by Sudhir Mishra, Paromita Vohra, Santosh Desai and others. To read Dibakar’s piece, click here or scroll down.

I Love You. Now Make Tea.

What film romances don’t talk about when they talk about love

dibakarMost of love is but a memory of it. How it used to be. How it used to feel. I was reminded of this while watching two of the most haloed Bollywood romances ever, late one night while researching for my next film—which is about love.

I choked, saw most of the films through a teary film over my eyes and my minus five glasses, then got up and spooned with my wife and partner of fifteen years and pretended I was seventeen again.

Now I’m told love conquers all. I have proof otherwise. Making tea in the morning conquers all. Coming back home early from work conquers all. Cleaning out the study conquers all.

But try making a film out of these things. Or even a memory. I dare you.

Hence, the memories of love long gone. Memories of when you were seventeen. When she walked into class, hesitant, shy. You looked at her face once and looked away. Memories of a knee-length skirt, perfectly waxed calves ending in a pair of Nikes you could never afford.

You never thought of touching her. She walked in a light of her own, glowing, carrying her own backlight and diffusion filter that made stars shine out of her earrings.

Some days you noticed her body, as she played in the basketball court. But you turned away, hot and confused. Most days you thought of dying of cancer in a luxurious hospital single room, while she wept quietly at your bedside, holding your hand and a thermometer. She could be loved, all your life, safe in your memory, tucked away, close at hand, and you could make a film on her anytime.

Bitch is, they had made them already.

How on earth could they know what you were thinking at night, nuzzling your pillow, alone, nursing a heart aching to be broken?

Which came first? These memories? Or the films that stole them?

More importantly, whose memories do I steal?

Could someone love someone like the following?

Nearing forty love As against Forever Seventeen love. You can see the wrinkles around her eyes. She works, earns more than you, cuts through your macho nonsense, is bullshit-repellant, has a potbelly, has married once and doesn’t want kids. Can she be loved? I mean superhit, six-weeks-running loved?

Dishwasher love She does the dishes. You do the home alone writing while your wife travels. It started with guilty, slum it sex. It’s become love now. She’s ready to leave her wife-beater husband for you. If only you gave her the guilty respect you give your wife. Can she, in all her rough-fingered, detergent-corroded glory, be loved?

She gave head once love At seventeen, she was caught on tape performing fellatio on her boyfriend in a bmw 7 series. She denied it, made a fool of herself, went away and is now back in Bombay with a hideous I-don’t-care grin on her face while trying to make it big in B movies. She’s not even that pretty now. Can she be loved?

Unfair, unlovely love She’s dark and pimply. She stands all day at a shop counter wearing an ill-fitting T, cheerfully trying to find you just the right shade of pink lipstick. She smells of sweat, cheap perfume and stale coconut oil. But she finds you your pink. Can she be loved?

Bitch left me love You picked her out of the gutter when she was ready to kill herself. You got her her revenge. You gave her the strength to go out and win. Then she leaves you because you’re a loser. Can she be loved?

Making tea for her in the morning after fifteen years love She loved you when you were boyish, funny, unknown and followed her like a pooch. Now she loves you when you’re overweight, stressed and daily late from corporate dinners because, once a month, you make morning tea. Can she be loved?

One day, they’ll spoon to these loves, you’ll see.

For most of love is but a film someone else made.

For Sudhir Mishra’s take on Devdas, click here. Also, Santosh Desai on the love story without baggage, Paromita Vohra on the love games, Prasoon Joshi on lovelogy songs and Naman Ramchandran on taboo love. Interesting!

The HangoverIts The Hangover. By plagiarising or by buying the official remake rights. Its the Death at a Funeral of 2009. It was the same scene with Death At A Funeral last year and Indra Kumar made it into Daddy Kool. Ofcourse by plagiarising and had to pay later on. Click here for full report.

Back to The Hangover. It got the star ratings and box office business too. Whoever has seen it, loved it. Its the current remake favourite of bollywood. Almost every producer wants to remake it because in bollywood, comedy is considered to be safe bet always. Wish we could just learn one lesson for them. How they delivered such a big hit without any big names attached to it. Few things we will never learn.

Also in the queue, is a fourty plus actor who made headlines for his marriage, re-marriage & politics recently. He is already talking to the producers of the film. But it seems Warner Brothers is not willing to give the remake rights to anyone. They want to produce the remake themselves.

Looking at Warner Brothers’ slate of film here, Saans Bahu Aur Sensex & Chandi Chowk To China, we suggest that its better to make some money by selling the remake rights, instead of delivering one more dud. 

BTW, we loved it! Its the rudest, crudest & funniest film of the year! Don’t miss it. The fat bearded Jesus is the show stealer.

For us, IIFA is IIFA3 – India International Film Awards of Amitabh, Abhishek and Aishwarya Bachchan. Looks like other stars also feel the same. And so, many of them are happily giving it a miss. Count the names – No Khans ( Shah Rukh Khan, Aamir Khan or Salman Khan), Akshay Kumar, Shahid Kapoor, Saif Ali Khan,  Kareena Kapoor or Ranbir Kapoor….the biggies of bollywood and their excuses are all silly.

We wonder who are attending it then ? People who belong to either of the three categories…

1. Those who are close to Bachchan Family.

2. Those who are jobless, have no films at hand.

3. Freeloaders, who will happily go to hell also if they get a free ticket and a place to stay. 

It will be Bachchan Parivaaar Awards again at Macau! Here are some pics of the stars arriving at Macau for the award, ok, naach gaana show, ok, money minting show, ok , whatever it is. Pics of Abhishek Bachchan, Aishwarya Rai with her dad, Ashutosh Gowariker, Javed Akhtar, Shabana Azmi, Tanvi Azmi, designer Manav Gangwani, Sophie Chaudhary and David Dhawan. 

For more pics from IIFA Awards Macau 2009, click here – it got all the possible pics from various events at IIFA.

The Deadlock continues. Bollywood’s producers forum ( United Producers Forum)and Multiplexes Assosciation met today to find a solution on the revenue sharing issue. Multiplexes offered 50, 40, 30 percent profit share in 1st, 2nd and 3rd week of the film’s release.

Producers body insisted on 50%. Arguements. Counter arguements. No solution came out. Both the parties walked out finally.

Now, producers are planning to go ahead with their scheduled releases in single screens and the small independent multiplexes. So,  all you film buffs get ready and locate the single screen close to your home. Coming soon.

writing for others

Posted: April 17, 2009 by moifightclub in bollywood, writing
Tags: ,

Here is a small  note from a friend who has been trying to get a break as a film writer since last 2 years. Frustrated, he has now taken up AD job and is trying to pitch in with his script whenever he manages. Forget Syd Field, listen to someone who is on the field, facing it all….

Unless and until you are Abbas Tyrewala, its tough luck here. Because every director wants a good writer.

And good writer means one who can type fast. Because every director just wants a typist who cant type exactly what the director wants. But what the director wants, he/she also doesn’t know.

And if you type something that the director can’t think of, then you have more trouble. How can you think better than him/her ?

Better to write your own script and then look out for director/producers. Thats what i have realised in the last one year.

If you have any  kind dope on any new film, do write to us at moifightclub@gmail.com.