Archive for the ‘Bolly Jokes’ Category

WTF : Bachchan’s love letter to media – all it took was one home production hit & everything changed!

Posted: December 21, 2009 by moifightclub in Bolly Jokes, bollywood, conspiracy theory, gossipmongers, News, shit, Thoughts, WTF
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
2

Surprise! surprise! Someone has suddenly found a new love. Till yesterday he had a favourite hobby and every night before going to bed, he used to spare time and space for it. Just go to his blog and you can read all those lovely words dedicated to the hobby called media-bashing. Even the film Paa wasnt spared, though there was no sense to it.

Now that his home production Paa has managed to get some good reviews and making money at the box office, he has mailed love letters to media persons working in various newspapers, magazines, channels and portals, thanking them for their support and appreciation. All signed by him. Guess what happened to that good old hobby!!??? Though we cant reveal the person’s name but a good soul mailed us a copy of the letter. Have a look.

If you cant read the text of the letter, it says….

My Dear XXX,

I am writing to express my deepest gratitude towards you and your prestigious XXX for giving our film “PAA” support and appreciation.

The magnanimous affection demonstrated by the media has been most overwhelming. Our company and we wish to express our gratitude for this kind gesture.

                                                                     With warm regards

                                                                     Amitabh Bachchan

                                                                    Abhishek Bachchan 

Not very very long ago, the same Amitabh Bachchan wrote these lines on his blog…

You mention in your article under reference that I should not forget that the media has had a distinct hand in my stardom. Ho ! Ho Ho ! … now we are all laughing !

Firstly, I have never ever accepted or believed in this media created epithet of stardom or any other ‘dom’. And secondly, for 18 years under the ban of the media, Amitabh Bachchan ‘the actor’ that you admire, had his most successful run at the box office.  So get off your high horse and smell the dung. Media will be incapable of making or breaking an actor. Only the masses have that strength and you are still very far away from that criteria.

You can read the full post here. This was in reply to Abhijit Mazumder’s column in Mid-day.

Dear Mr Bachchan,

What happened ? Is the letter a mistake ? Why this change in stand suddenly ? Or is this a fake love letter ? An actor of your calibre surely knows how to fake it, and fake it well.

MFC

BTW, Big B’s next release Rann directed by Ram Gopal Varma also promises to expose the media. The remote controlled country! And he is the same actor who created that Patna based stupid monster SKJ, whose claim to fame is false reports, a mention by Bachchan on his show Kaun Banega Crorepati and Sonu Nigam! Talk about corrupting the media. Ho Ho Ho…now we are all laughing!

Karan Johar’s My Name Is Khan selected for Berlin Film Festival

Posted: December 16, 2009 by moifightclub in Bolly Jokes, cinema, Film Festival, News
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
0

And on that note will start the promotional campaign of Shah Rukh Khan-Kajol starrer new film My Name Is Khan, whose theatrical trailer will be out this week with Avtaar. The first look of the film will be unveiled on Star Network on 16th December at 10pm. After Farah Khan’s Om Shanti Om, which was part of Berlinale Special, Karan Johar’s My Name Is Khan has been selected for the 60th Berlin Film Festival. The film will be screened in the “Out of competition” section. 

Among the other Indian films are Umesh Kulkarni’s Vihir (The Well), produced by Amitabh Bachchan’s AB Corp, and Laxmikant Shetgaonkar’s Paltadacho Munis (Man Beyond the Bridge). 

The festival will take place between February 11-21 2010 and will also have the world premiere of Martin Scorsese’s The Shutter Island and Roman Polanski’s The Ghost Writer.

So whats “very rare” in this father-son-son-father-whatever-it-is story ? Club ICB reports.

Posted: December 8, 2009 by moifightclub in Bolly Jokes, bollywood, cast & crew, cinema, film review, News, shit, Thoughts
Tags: , , , , , ,
12

Finally managed to catch Paa. The film which is touching every heart, making everyone cry, the “very rare” story. The “moving” film of the year.

Not sure what “very rare” exactly means. Beacuse we always felt that the word “rare” has “very” attached to it. May be Balki can explain it better. But here is the list of “very rare” things that we discovered in “Paa”.

1. The film moves in montages. Some 15-20 montages. No scenes, no dialogues. Everytime you are stuck, the answer is simple. So how does it happen ? Just play the background music and put the visuals. It doesnt matter, just increase the volume, it will flow. Father-Mother meet. Check montage. Father-son meet. Check montage. Politician goes for the act. Check montage. Kingfisher Airlines. Check Montage. The list is long and its boring!

2. Paa is the official theatrical trailer of Ramu’s next release Rann. Big B does it religiously, almost everyday, before going to bed. He blogs about it. The Small D has done it on the big screen. He suddenly goes for the big expose, which has no relation, no meaning to the main story. Media-bashing! And the way its done, we thought it looked like an internship project of  B-handarkar Woods International. Has B-alki done a short-term course from there ?

3. Paresh Rawal has one dialogue after every 12 minutes 52 seconds. And interestingly, it doesnt matter what he says, why he says and where he says. He is there to make you smile.

4. Balki is obsessesd with two things. Age – over age, under age, age difference. And over-smart kids who will mouth over-smart lines and will tickle your funny bones.

5. It breaks every rule of screenwriting. Even the eternal ones. Remember “dont say, show it”. Jaya Bachchan makes a special appearance to “say” the entire credit roll. Why ? Because its “very rare”.

6. Progeria ? Whats that ? Its a “very rare” disease. And ? And thats it. Synonym – Prosthetics.

7. The most important relationship in the film – Paa & Progeria. What do you feel when you see the bond ? Nothing. Because its cut to one more song. Check montage. There is nothing more to it. Where is the bond ? The relationship ? The “very rare” father-son-son-father-whatever-it-is ? Remember Masoom and that killer line – Kya main aapko Daddy bula sakta hoon ? The ever reliable Naseeruddin Shah & Jugal Hansraj at his career’s best. The montage works only when there is a pre-roll and post-roll to it. Otherwise, its nothing. 

8. A very-rare mutant creature on top of a clock. Is it a fish, a cockroach, a bird, a plane or a super-insect ? Every 15 minutes, there is a shot of it. Why ? Because its “very rare”. The most repetitive visual. Time’s running out!

9. Is Vidya Balan the new brand ambassador for FabIndia or some such brands. Every scene, she is in a new saree that reminds you of the previous one. Sometimes, even in one scene there are few saree changes. (Courtesy – my friend Deepak confirmed it). The film can be alternately titled Saree-spotting!

10.  Balki = Pure Gimmick = “Very Rare” talent. Give him 15 seconds and he will rock. His advertising background explains that. The promos of Cheeni Kum and Paa re-confirms it. Like Cheeni Kum, Paa is just 15 seconds idea with some smart one-liners. All that you need in advertising.

Everything else is a mess. A big mess, which is boring and is desperately begging for sympathy. Not sure if any kind of glycerine will also help in that cheesy death scene.

OR are we the only members left in the Club ICB ? Not actually, if you read the Guardian and The New York Times reviews. Click here and here to read the reviews.

And one thats not rare….

Arundhati Nag. She is still the same. Such natural presence. In every scene, whenever she is there, the keyword is effortless acting. Can we please see her more often!

PS : ICB – Inglourious Cynical Basterds. 

POTD : Aamir Khan’s middle finger!

Posted: November 9, 2009 by moifightclub in Bolly Jokes, bollywood, pics, POTD
Tags: , , , ,
2

Trust Mid-day to spot what others dont! Here is the Pic Of The Day (POTD), Aamir Khan with his butt chair and his fingers doing the tricks. One up in the nose, the other down the base. Clicked during one of the promotional events of 3 Idiots.

Aamir Khan pic

Pic courtesy : Mid-day!

Fame Big Cinema’s BIG lie – for 40 rupees!

Posted: August 31, 2009 by moifightclub in Bolly Jokes, bollywood, cinema, etc, life, News, Thoughts, WTF
Tags: , , , ,
3

Fame Big CinemasIts all about the BIG idea! I understand. And business is all about BIG money. I do understand. But when you cheat me to run your business, I really dont understand. Blame it on BIG!

Sunday. 11 pm show. Quickgun Murugun. Fame Big Cinemas , Andheri (west). Earlier it was Fame Adlabs before Big Cinemas ( ADAG – Anil Dhirubhai Ambani Group) took over Adlabs.

At around 9 pm, I logged in to their website to check ticket availability for the 11 pm show. Tickets priced at Rs 180 and Rs 220. For 180, only first two rows were available. Rest all sold out. For 220, lot of seats were available. I thought will easily manage two seats (me and my friend) for the Rs 220 category.

Reached the theatre by 10:50 pm. Not much crowd. Asked the guy at the counter for two tickets of Quickgun Murugun. To confirm it, I asked him the status of the Rs 180 category seats. He said the same – Only first two rows. Showed me the screen too. I asked for two silver category tickets (Rs 220). On the screen, he showed me its the last row, centre seats.

We entered the theatre and were waiting outside Screen – 4. Not much crowd. Wondered how is it almost housefull. I dont see much people around. Entered the theatre, moved to our seats. From the last row, its easy to get the full view of the theatre. Except few people in the first two rows, I didnt see anyone in the gold category seats ( Rs 180). And for the Rs 220 category seats (silver), people were still coming in.

For a moment I thought may be its some group or corporate booking. And so i waited. But these are BIG liars! Someone must be making money thinking about these out of box BIG ideas to make more money. So, what their website showed me was wrong, what the guy at the ticket counter told me was a lie and its a case of cheating. And its all planned. Its must be what they call STRATEGY! I and am sure, many like me, have been forced to buy the Rs 220 category tickets.

No business like weekend business! 40 rupees ? Yes, its not a big amount but I do value it and I HATE to be treated like this. Because its NOT right. And why would you dare to cheat me when am going to see the truth in just a few minutes! Some guts!

Am sure this cant be just for one show and one screening. If its working, they must be doing the same for other screens. Since it was late night show, by the time the movie got over, the box office counter was closed. Otherwise I would have informed the guy at the ticket counter. Atleast he should know that I know about it. Am sure he will pass the info to his boss. And next time am going to do it. And make much more noise about it. Document it all, record it and take pictures. 

Since I dont have enough money to put half page ads on the front page of the newspapers (what a gas!) and ask people to voice their concern about what is right and what is wrong,  have put my thoughts here. Do spread the word, check the facts and make sure you dont get cheated. De-FAME!

———————————————————————————————

What Pratim has suggested in the comment, that might also be true. Only the first two rows’ tickets were priced at Rs 180. The ticket prices are different for almost all the shows and more so during weekends. Also it depends on movies too. Like recently, when Kaminey opened in Mumbai on monday, the multiplexes smartly charged the tickets at weekend prices. Because they knew that people are going to watch it anyway. Not sure if there are any guidelines about it. Though I remember that the website was showing it as housefull for the Rs 180 category tickets.  Have also seen other films in other rows for the same price. But then it doesnt gurantee anything. So, if thats the case then this post is invalid. If they can charge whatever they want, why would it they fake it ? This reason also makes sense. In this case, am wrong and my apologies. But if not, then it stays. Am going to be more careful next time and will check it properly.

 

WTF : Apna haath Jagannath!

Posted: August 25, 2009 by moifightclub in Bolly Jokes, bollywood, News, shit, Thoughts, WTF
Tags: , , ,
3

Sorry for this overdose of Kaminey but few things we really canttoilet graffitti escape. Because these newbits make our day by making us ROFL. 

Today’s TOI has a damn interesting piece of news on Vishal Bhardwaj’s Kaminey. Its about “Apna Haath Jagannath“, the writing on the loo door in one of the scenes in Kaminey. The Puri priests think its a derogatory reference to their Lord Jagannath.

We are not sure whats the origin of this phrase but its very common loo graffiti across North India. Schools, colleges, public toilets or trains, you can spot it anywhere. Loo graphiti is a specialised art by itself and in India, it seems we have artists everywhere. 

Back to AHJ! The news is that a case has been filed against Kaminey’s producer for the use of the line “apna haath jagannath“. We wonder if the priests know the real meaning of the line and in what context it is used. Because according to this report, it seems the protest is only because there is a picture of a scantily clad woman next to the writing. Wish someone could tell them the ‘real’ meaning of the phrase…the fun be double!

Bollywood Dictionary

Posted: July 30, 2009 by moifightclub in Bolly Jokes, bollywood
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
0

bollywoodThis post is just Cntrl C + Cntrl V. From the tweets of a rather interesting writer/director. Since we dont want to end his filmy career so soon, we are putting it all here, without giving any credit to him, which he surely deserves. Check out the definitions according to bollywood dictionary.

CEO (noun) – A man who follwed up his 2 year MBA with a 3 week course in film-making.

 – we felt 3 weeks is too long! And so, he redefined it.

CEO ( noun) – An executive who followed up his 2 year MBA with 1 week Syd Field workshop.

We added, two terms that every CEO knows by heart and blabber around always…

1. Plot Point 2. Character Graph

And here is our favourite one!

Creative Head (noun) – A girl/guy who slept with the CEO when she/he attended the 1 week Syd Field Workshop.

The one written with sharp claws –

 Whiz-kid (noun) – A star son, nephew, niece, daughter who makes directorial debut at 25.

Aur yeh to bilkul sach hai…sau fisdi sach….

Screening (noun) – An event organized for the specific purpose of lying.

We added this bit…

Premiere (noun) – An event organized to find out whose lie is the bestest! And you hav to say it without laughing.

The precious one…

Bound Script (noun) – An object that everybody in the industry likes to hold and nobody likes to read.

And from big screen to small screen…

Reality Show – A graveyard where dead careers are resurrected.

Do let us know if you are aware of any other definitions from the dictionary! And thnx Mr Writer/Director…gimme more!

The Great Kanti Shah is back!

Posted: June 24, 2009 by moifightclub in Bolly Jokes, bollywood, gossipmongers, News, WTF
Tags: , , , ,
1

And the credit goes to Shiney Ahuja. Kanti Shah ? Shiney Ahuja ?

RapeWhat ? You don’t know Kanti Shah ? Never heard of Kanti Shah !! He is the director who made the cult classic Gunda. If you are a cinema buff, Kanti Shah’s Gunda is a must watch. Lambu Ata, Pote, Chutiya, Ibu Hatela, Bulla, Bachubhai Bhigona – they are all legends. The film is rated 8.0 out of 10 on IMDB. 

Now, the Shiney Ahuja connection. Indiafm has done an interview with Kanti Shah where he Chamak - The Shinyhas confirmed that his new film Rape is inspired by Shiney Ahuja’s rape case. And it has the hero raping the heroine. 

 And there is more. One more R-grade film is inspired by the same case. Its titled Chamak – The Shiny.  The film exposes the darker side of Bollywood, how people are exploited for roles in the films. Oh yeh, we are waiting! Gimme R-ed! Gimme more!

BTW, for all of you who havent seen Gunda yet, here is a scene from the film. Munni meri behan Munni! Enjoy!

Bolly Jokes (Shiney Ahuja Special – 2) – 18/06/09

Posted: June 18, 2009 by moifightclub in Bolly Jokes, bollywood, gossipmongers
Tags: , , ,
3

It seems the world is full of people who belong to IB Club. Sickos like us, the Inglorious Bastard Club. Because we thought we were the only ones making jokes on Shiney Ahuja and his infamous case – rape of his maid! And now there are some more jokes floating around. Enjoy!

What does Shiney Ahuja like to ride the most?

Bai-cycle

What is the favourite bedroom line of Shiney Ahuja?

Good Bai!

Who is Shiney Ahuja’s favourite football player?

Bai Chung Bhutia

What kind of food does Shiney Ahuja like?

Home Maid

Which song did Shiney Ahuja sing with N’Sync?

Bai Bai Bai

Why did Shiney Ahuja hang out with Snoop Dog??

To make rape music

What disease is Shiney Ahuja suffering from ?

Shwiney Flu

For our earlier post on Shiney Ahuja jokes, you can click here.

Bolly Jokes (Shiney Ahuja Special) – 15/06/09

Posted: June 15, 2009 by moifightclub in Bolly Jokes, bollywood, gossipmongers
Tags: , ,
2

We are sick! Really sicko bastards (ok, we prefer to be called Inglorious Basterds IB )! Why ? Well, otherwise how do you explain the fact that we are sharing Shiney Ahuja jokes. Here are two sms jokes that we received, one from a writer friend and other from an EP. If you belong to the same IB Club, read on.

Q. Whats Shiney Ahuja’s favourite song these days ?

A. Maid In India, Maid In India…Yeh dil chahe bas ek Maid In India!

Q. What’s Shiney’s sexual preference – Straight, Gay or Bisexual ?

A. He is now Bai-sexual!

We got one in our mail box, from a reader.

Q. If Sudhir Mishra teams up with Shiney Ahuja again, what will be the title of the film ?

A. Hazaroon Khwashein Waisi

For more such sicko bolly jokes, select “Bolly Jokes” under the “Categories” header in the right hand panel. Its just below the “Recent Comments” header. And if you have something to share, mail us at moifightclub@gmail.com 

Older Entries
Newer Entries