Archive for the ‘reviews’ Category

He is the biggest Nolan fanboy whom we know. He has googled and read, youtubed and seen , everything thats possibly available on Christopher Nolan and his films. Add to that, the books, philosophies, theories and every possible meaning of anything that Nolan ever said or shot. We saw the film together (and ditched the third musketeer of our group because had only two tickets & fanboy should get the first prefernce) but seems  the fanboy wasn’t as impressed as I was.  Click here to read my orgasmic non-stop tweets on Inception and read on to know Kartik Krishnan’s views.

At the very start itself I will confess that I’m as big a Nolan fan as anyone else. Loved all his films from Inception to Following/doodlebug

The concept, idea, premise behind Inception is intriguing and like one of the good old sci-fi films. A group of ‘dream stealers’ who get into a subject’s dream and steal the secrets in his mind. And of course Nolan being Nolan, there will be a dream within a dream setup-possibility which will be explored. Corporate espionage, a heist & con which is truly psychological, special effects which cannot be identified as so, adequate performances from all & sundry including Leo, & the massice ‘scale’. Just about everything you think should be there is there. Including a Shutter Island meets Memento track.

It’s all in there. Exposition which doesn’t look like exposition. Twists keep happening. The pledge, the turn & the prestige – all there. The magic tricks are shown first and then much later subtle reasoning is provided which takes you by surprise. The question is when do u know that the trick has ended ? Is there an overkill ?

My single basic grouse with the film is – the inability to suck me in. It didn’t suck me in unlike the equally long Dark Knight, Batman Begins. Or may be it was my fault that I didn’t get sucked into it.

The reaction I had was similar to what my friends had to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Full marks for scale, production design, idea etc but somewhere it left them cold. Overwhelming yes. Cold – may be I was the only one.

No one is debating the greatness of the film. But the emotional connect/feeling of tied down a lot. There are too many ideas for a 148 mins film. Too many strands.

May be I do need to watch Inception again. Let me know if you felt the same.

( Our recco – KK – Please go and watch it again. You feel the “attachment” better when you pay for the tickets. Bet! ;-))

Is this the bestest friday we have seen in ages ? Seems so. The Baap of every mind-bending game is here! Christopher Nolan, with his Inception. Plus, there is Udaan by Vikramaditya Motwane, Tere Bin Laden and Rahul Dholakia’s Lamhaa. Ok, rest can wait. Back to Inception.

The year was 1997. He was “Chris Nolan” on the credits then. But as they, the signs were all there. Watch it, if you havent seen it yet – the short film by the master before the world discovered him through Following.

We are Nolan-bhakts since we saw Following and he still delivers and how! As we saw his latest release Inception, I flooded the Twitter timeline with orgasmic, or should we call it Nolan-asmic tweets! If you are not on Twitter, here is all our gloating, as friends called it, all in 140 characters……..

I.N.C.E.P.T.I.O.N. See you guys after the dream (Jackass grin) !

Interval – HOLY FUCKETY FUCK! NOBODY, nobody is gonna fuck you like this. Everything is explained slowly but you CANT even blink!

Inception – go with as much expectations as u want! Its a BET! Nolan plants an idea, gives u orgasm, ditches u and gives u hard-on again!

Inception – anyone try writing the spoiler alerts…its gonna be one fat book u cant even imagine. Am not sure what can Nolan do after this.

Inception – did i mention its a love story! Ur mind is d scene of the crime. But ur heart gonna pull the trigger!

Inception – at every scene u r given explanation. Sm call it dialogue exposition. But still, it defies all gravity!

Inception – am willing to sponsor Aamir khan’s ticket. He didn’t understand Memento. I want to see the expression on his face after this one.

Inception -not sure if any1 ever balanced matters of head N heart so perfectly well 2 get u into d trap. Oops, did he beat my God C.Kaufman. J.Grin

As i said, I Luv Hate Storys. Cue – J. Grin! RT @Rychyk: @moifightclub I HATE YOU…make that WE. 😦

Envelope? He pushed d whole post office! RT @vicramb @moifightclub Knwing him,Smthing evn crazier! Tht guy really knws how 2 push d envelope

Inception – as d movie is about 2 end n u think Nolan has done everything possible 2 u, he delivers a BIG punch in d last scene. V r still debating it.

now m still in d Nolanland. Bet u cant locate me! J. Grin! RT @Envyas @moifightclub OK,stop this gloating or I know where u stay. :p

Block me 😉 not sure when i will b able 2 do that again RT @ArtRevel @moifightclub I want to Block you till I watch it 🙂 Making me jealous

# Ok, one last one…after all d Inception tweets how many Nolanbhakts cant sleep 2nite…wanna count 😉 and i will be in a dream! Aha, life!

So, have you booked you tickets ? Don’t forget to book you brains too. Ok, get that over-booked! J. Grin (we just can’t get enough of it). Also, releasing this friday is Udaan. And click here to read our review of Udaan.

PS – Don’t forget to let us know what you felt about it. And what do you think about the last scene/sequence of the film ?

Sigh! Never felt so bad, sad, sleepy and my (single) head spinning at the same time! Blame it on Raavan’s ten heads! But where were they ? Remained all inside Ratnam’s head only.

First a confession – Its not a review. As usual, just some ramblings. Because a movie so bad and that too coming from one of the best filmmakers of our country, am not in my senses yet.

Second confession – Since my nappy days, as long as i remember, have fallen asleep in a movie theatre only thrice. First, it was Haan Maine Bhi Pyaar Kiya Hai. Second time, it was Saawariya and third time, its Raavan. Falling asleep during Ratnam film, its blasphemous! I know, guilty as charged! But do watch the film and then, lets talk.  Anyway, after coming out of the theatre, i quickly called up a friend to figure out what i missed during those precious minutes, and realised that it was a high point of the film’s (poly)graph!

Am still not sure how and where to start. Yeah, credit roll looks superb. And so do, lot of shots. You can take that as a guarantee for any Ratnam film anyway. And this time he teams up with Santosh Sivan. Has to be magic! But how many picture postcards can you stare at ? Plus, there is distraction by Abhishek Bachchan’s growling (reminded me of Anil Kapoor’s irritating dialogue delivery style in Tashan) and Aishwarya Rai’s shrieks and screams in squeaky voice! And poor Vikram (was expecting so so much), he is just the RayBan guy in slo-mo! Even Govinda and Ravi Kishen have more lines than him and are actually best suited for their roles.

You get to see Raavan’s much hyped ten heads only in the credit roll. After that, its only Rahman’s african sounds main-ghumanjalo-aaa -ghumen-jaloooo or whatever it is. The entire first half is only chase sequence. It starts with a bang, grabs you instantly and then drags on and on and on and on till interval. In between, suddenly there is a flashback sequence in Vikram’s voice and it seems he is narrating his own story to himself. (BTW, has anyone still figured out who was narrating Raajneeti’s flashback sequence  and to whom and where he suddenly vanishes! If you know, do enlighten)

Am guessing we all know the basic plot of the film. But the funniest part is the way Raavan falls in love with Sita (or Ragini). Its her free fall from the cliff and he falls in love with her! Never before has “falling in love” being shot so literally.

Have always believed that when it comes to shooting songs in Hindi films, nobody can beat Mani Ratnam. And this time, he proves that theory wrong too. You dont remember a single song after coming out of the theatre. Infact, I was ROFLOL when the romantic number between Vikram & Aishwarya played on screen. He is eating, she is dancing, he is sleeping, she is  dancing, he is staring, she  is dancing, he is having drinks, she is dancing, he wants breakfast, she is dancing and making it, he wants to make love, she is still dancing. And all in weird poses! This is suppose to be the love quotient of Vikram-Aishwaryaaaaaarrrrggggghhhhhh! Give me that Arvind Swamy-Manisha Koirala’s hide & seek dance anyday! A stare here, a peek there – aha, magic!

Coming to Raavan’s politics, this time also Ratnam has played it all safe. The place, setting, language, customs, clothes –  its all vague. Where is Laal Maati ? Who are its native people ? Tribals, villagers, naxalites ? Why is Abhishek Bachchan’s name Beera Munda ? Is it a take on the tribal leader Birsa Munda ? Otherwise, who are these Mundas ?

Post interval, the story moves a little bit taking plot points from Ramayan. Shurpanakha’s naak is pulled and they even try to create a  Bivishan. And then all of a sudden, its dhoom-dhaam-dhadaap and i went to sleep….zzzzzzz. Woke up to realise that Ratnam has proved how Ram can be Raavan and Raavan can be Ram. Blame it on the character (poly)graph in the story. The best joke in the film. And as they say, rest is history.

Feeling much bad for the cast and  crew. Because you can see the rough terrain in which the film has been shot. Add water to  those rough locations, Ratnam-Sivan gets a hard on, making it more strenuous for themselves and everyone else! Its easy to spot that how much effort has gone into it. The bridge scene is one of the best scenes ever shot in a hindi film because its all real location…its takes your breath away. But then, you come back to the BIG picture and it doesn’t make any sense in any way.

Mani Saar – What were you smoking, drinking, doing ? Even if its untrue, please declare it just once that you didn’t direct this film. Put the blame on someone else. Just a fictitious name will also do. Will  feel little better and will be able to sleep peacefully tonight. I still can’t believe its you!

(PS – I can bet that the first half of the film has been made on the edit table. Have confirmed it too. There is not a single scene which makes sense. Its only montages, which jumps from one to another, and looks choppy without making sense of any kind of narrative. )

PJ – As a reviewer wrote, ” Perhaps Prakash Jha is just punning on his initials, and laughing at us all”. We thought its priceless and deserves to be QOTD! But who knew that PJ would really get down to play dirty and stupid politics. First story is our conspiracy theory and second, our sources say, is cent percent true. And if second story is true, then we are sure about the first one too.

Here is the conspiracy theory. Padmaja Thakore posted a review of Fart-neeti on PFC, and in not so kind words. Two days later, the post vanished. No reason was given, where and how. And if you have been following Padmaja Thakore’s posts, then its not difficult to figure out how strongly she defends her reviews. Suddenly withdrawl symptoms! Why ?

We were curious and tried to put two plus two together. We found out that she is married to filmmaker Manish Tiwari who made his debut with Dil Dosti Etc. The film was produced by Prakash Jha. According to our theory, PJ must have got to know about the review and didn’t take it lightly. Ghar ka bhedi Bivishan, ok, Bivishan’s wife ( Yes, if they can take Mahabharata route, we are going Ramayan way). And thats why, without any reason Padamaja Thakore removed her Raajneeti post from PFC. If you are still interested in reading it, click here to read the post. Courtesy – Google cache!

Now, the fact. We have got to know that PJ has been calling the big bosses of one of the popular websites and has threatened to sue them and their reviewer. Reason ? Their Fart-neeti review and the reviewer’s hilarious pricesless quotes on him and his Fart-neeti film. It seems PJ, unlike his intials, doesnt have a funny bone. And our sources say that this news is cent percent true. If this is true, we are sure that our conspiracy theory is correct too.

Whats more, this is not the first time that PJ is doing it. When his film Apaharan released, something similar had happened. The film had a tie-up with one of the major hindi news channels. But when the channel gave a bad review to the film, PJ called up the person concerned and got into an altercation, on how they can give bad review to the film when they are channel partner! Since then, the two have not been on talking terms!

Someone need to tell Mr PJ that any kind of partnership doesnt mean that you own the editorial right over any kind of content! Unless, its Khat-Ni LajMi ! And yes Mr PJ, now we know why you lost the elections, not once but twice. Think big, play politics at bigger level, not dirty & petty ones!

PS – And after all this, we read a profile of PJ in the latest issue of Tehelka that portrays him as a man born with instinctive love for risk! Yawwwwnnn…..we have happily moved to Open!

PPS – Dont get us wrong, we also used to love his films. But then, his “films” used to deal with politics and not “him”! Now its all just a PJ!

The name is La-zmi. KhatNi La-zmi! She is known for starting her ”stars” count from three. Give her any movie to review and it will be three. We follow a simple thumb rule when it comes to her star ratings. La-zami’s 2 stars = zero. So, 3 = 0+1 = 1, 4 = 2 and 5 = 3. Try it out for any movie and it works every time.

Plus, she also has the distinction of being the only film critic in India who even plagiarised a film review!  Ooh la la! What a Tale it was, Shark Tale. And that too from Roger Ebert’s review. Aur bolo ? And if you were in your nappies those days, you can click here and here to read more about the scandal. If you are reading the first link, do check out the comment section (4th comment) for complete proof of her xerox machinery!

And after all this, she still has her job with India’s one of the biggest media group (ok, giant). Plus,  there is more! Remember how her Kurbaan review suddenly made it to the front page of Bombay Times on that bloody friday!

We are exactly not sure who get to make how much for every “star” that matters and for moving the review from Page 8 to 1st Page! But someone surely is busy counting.  And it cant be only her!  But here comes the best part – it didn’t help the makers and distributors of the film any bit. The film bombed and how!

Ask any Delhiwallah and they will happily tell you how exclusive screenings are held for her. Ok, she may be plus size (or XXXL or whatever) but she surely doesnt need the entire theatre to herself. Why aren’t other critics invited for the same ? Brownie “stars” & more! It happened during Paa too. And when some of the Delhi based critics raised their voice, Amitabh Bachchan apologised about the same. Now after all that history, here is the latest dope!

We are sure, cent percent sure! The makers of Raajneeti have already shown the film to her. Only her. Almost a week before the release. And she has confirmed her rating to them! Four fucking stars! Not sure who fucked whom, where, how and in what position but its gonna happen. We are willing to bet! Unless our blogpost manages to make enough noise for her/publication to change it from 4 to 3.5 stars! But if the group is involved and cheques have been passed, then aandhi aaye ya toofan, its gonna be four, fucking four!

And its not only her and the publication, the makers of the film are no lesser culprit. BTW, do we see a pattern here ? Its from the same production house! Have they cracked a “stars” subscription deal ? Looks like. As the dude sang, The Times They Are A-Changin’…..just that we didn’t realise that it will go to the other extreme!

UPDATE – We returned home and switched on the tv, it was Bambai se gayee Poona, Poona se gayee Patna n blah blah blah on SetMax. That was Juhi Chawla. But guess who else is singing…delhi se gayee bambai, rating meri bhi bik gayee! Same old Khat-Ni Lajmi. We got lil wrong on the location info. It seems she was shown the film in Mumbai and NOT in Delhi. And the makers flew her from Delhi To Mumbai to screen the film for her. Now, we are gonna bet its 4.fucking5 stars!

And she tries to make sense of his new production Phoonk 2. Though she didn’t win the 5 lakh cash but she managed to sit through the film. Here’s her Phoonk-y dissection. PS – If possible do play Rekha Bhardwaj’s Phoonk phoonk phoonk de to go with the post as its need lil bit of patience to read. In short, lamba hai!

RGV is dead! Long live RGV!

No, it is not sarcasm. I have never understood the import of the above conundrum fully but I think it does apply to our all-time, blue-eyed hero Ram Gopal Verma who loves killing himself with every film in the hope of resurrection with his next. With Phoonk 2, he delivers a punch in the gut to every self-respecting horror film and horror-loving audience, horror-knowing critic. RGV’s word in film-making is final. And will remain so. That was a horrific punch, sorry.

RGV has always done path-breaking films from Shiva, to Satya to Go to RGV ki Aag. He has always pushed the boundaries of conventional narration and formula and made his own language. From Shiva, to Satya to Go to RGV ki Aag. He has engaged with psychology of the characters and pushed the idiom of right and wrong, individual vs society and film vs cinema. From Shiva, to Satya to Go to RGV ki Aag.

With Phoonk 2, RGV, breaks new path. (One wonders how many times this so-called ‘new path’ will be broken? Time and again people say that fellow Anurag Kashyap does it, then recently the town went mad claiming one Dibakar Banerjee too did it. Do they do it with an axe, break this new path, I mean? Must ask RGV, he should know.) The film breaks every ground of conventional narration and has to its credits technical breakthroughs that neither stalwarts nor genius kids can imagine. It covers potent philosophical questions and gives it to its unsuspecting audience as a side dish much more savoury than the main. The sub-text for the uninitiated. We shall talk about the sub-text of Phoonk 2 here.

Phoonk 2 asks some deeply disturbing philosophical and existential questions. Its basic premise, as is that of any film worth its salt in the history of Indian or even phoren cinema is the premise of good vs evil. Phoonk 2 treats this empirical question of human existence as a pedagogical subject of epistemology. The depth with which the lady ghost engages her detractors on her trap of death is an intense viewing experience, especially noting the ease with which she does it. The first one is finished off with a neat head cut off dripping blood by the gallons and the second in superbly crafted acrobatic action. Both these ‘babas’ (no not of Ba-Ba black sheep fame, but then yes maybe) represent the force of good and the ghost lady of evil. The thunderstorming violence with which she unleashes her evil on these two brings into question the very essence of the fight of good vs evil and the strength of each? Well, the battlegrounds are a bit unequal here to raise such significant questions as the evil is so well-endowed (with make-up expert fight masters et al) and the forces of good are? Dhongibabas. Not really a fair representation and hence the question remains unanswered.

The hero, the savior and be all and end-all of everything in a Hindi film steps in gallantly to address this question. But he brings in more layers to this already deeply complex philosophical issue. Can a man with the help of mere continuity jumps, axis jumps and bad Big B imitation save his child from the forces of evil? Does his will alone, helped largely by these instruments succeed in towering over these forces? RGV refuses to stay objective but has the gumption to take a stand here. He boldly steps forward and says, yes, he can. If the film is a Hindi film especially a horrific RGV one, he can do anything. So the hero does. And solves this question of philosophy which would have disheartened Plato.

Phoonk 2 at various levels also engages with existentialism. RGV takes Sartre’s philosophy of existentialism as humanism and turns it succinctly on its head by proving that freewill is not only an attribute of humans. Even camera’s can have it and cinematography and editing shall own the responsibility for it. In a path-breaking manifestation of this philosophy he makes his camera roam here, there and everywhere, making it independent of any conventional language/barriers/notions that society has set upon it. Thus it frees the language of cinema from its own barriers and one sees thrilling, liberated cinematography totally in love with itself.

It is not in the realm of the philosophy alone that RGV resides in. He does address concerns of sociological interest too. Those of relationships and growth while living within the society (yeah sounds contradictory na, to me too). By having the wife refusing to kiss her husband even years after they are married and SO MUCH in love, he arouses(pun unintended) a question pertinent to the Indian society.  That of the sanctity of their conjugal life, that of the privacy of the moment and the non-sexual, pristine image of the woman as wife that should not be broken by kissing your husband goodbye. Similarly, the child, in her pre-teens exhibits similar notions of society-bound rules of growth where she is continuously enamoured by a doll and is drawn to it with a fascination that belies her age and which must also be beyond the ghost who put it there. RGV addresses these very severely important notions of regressions and makes a stinging social comment on society through his protagonists.

In a drama panning several ideologies of human philosophy, RGV does not shy clear of addressing perhaps the most controversial of them all, gender issues. Phoonk 2 is a path-breaking chapter in gender-studies with an ever-evolving lady ghost who chooses to enter the lady of the house’s body and chooses to quiet down as soon that body is killed. One might think this is an extension of the existential question but such is the genius if RGV that he notices and tackles the subtle differences sensitively. The lady as a ghost in the body of the lady of the house is a universal symbol of how women are women’s own enemies. This is also reflected in the ghost killing off the only semi-good-looking girl in the cast, evidently out of jealousy as she is not much to look at now that she is dead and neither was she when alive. In a subtle twist in the tale, RGV beautifully changes the protagonist into the antagonist and quickens the pulse of the film by thrills and chills but also manages to relay his sub-text which examines gender issues as vastly potent as these.

Secondly, it must be noticed that both the babas are male. And the primary subject of Madhu, the ghost’s revenge is also male. The only other victim besides the hero’s sister is also male, the hero’s best friend. This brings clearly into focus the question of the fight of females against their subjugation and male domination. Madhu single-handedly wages this war against male hegemony and patriarchy in her war against this family and RGV succinctly portrays the difficulties a woman has to survive and make her mark in a male-dominated society. That the lead protagonist to bear the torch of such an important question be a ghost, only the great RGV could have thought of it.

In its attempt to elevate our mundane existence to greater heights by engaging our minds to higher domains of philosophy RGV does not forget his environment. He continues to engage with everyday concerns and addresses some deep-rooted questions relating to the film industry too. The impoverished fake blood industry for instance. The coming of Sooraj Barjatya and Aditya Chopra had sounded their death knell. But RGV, in Phoonk 2 made sure they made good their losses of the past ten years or so. Such deep is his commitment. Such deep also is his commitment that he has generated employment for people based on his conviction alone. Jobs for stadicam operators for instance. The one of Phoonk should be eternally grateful to RGV to have got to shoot an entire film in this manner. Secondly repeating actors.  In an industry that changes colours with every hit and flop RGV maintains his loyalties. We have seen that consistency with his heroines in the past and have admired him for that.  Repeating actors despite their bad performances shows solidarity, something that the likes of Farah Khan also don’t do even if SRK is a buddy and delivers a hit with her everytime. That is because it requires a man like RGV to do and I am not engaging in gender issues. Leave that to the masters.

Ultimately, Phoonk 2 becomes a spiritual experience. From the realm of sociology to philosophy it reaches its zenith in spirituality elevating one’s soul when it forces us pray for a speedy end and hope that this time the end does mean the end.

Long Live RGV!

Wondering why we are wasting so much energy, time and space on this certain Mr Joginder Tuteja…naah..we like the surname Chutreja! Who is he ? Really! Ok, take a look at the following two pics…

This is a screen grab from the film Jaane Kahaan Se Aayi hai. And Mr Chutreja gets an opening credit in the film, as “Editorial Advisor”. And that too, all solo. Even Chetan Bhagat didnt get that. BTW, can someone please explain to us the contribution of “Editorial Advisor”. Now check this out.

Here is the print ad that quotes the same Chutrejaji, unless there are two Joginder Tutejas.

So, Chutrejaji has given 4 fucking stars to Jaane Kahan Se Aayi Hai! Even Nikhat Kazmi has given 3.5 (count that 1.5. Because her maths is all wrong. Count her 2 stars = zero. Then it fits well. Try it next time). So, is this the role of “Editorial Advisor” ? 4 stars ? And how unethical it is to review a film in which you have an opening credit! Will the real Mr Tuteja or Chutreja please stand up! And he writes for PTI! Aur bolo ?

Can someone please explain this to us ? Or is it just namesake ? If so, we are sorry but please tell us the role of “Editorial Advisor”. We would love to try our luck there. Bet it includes a fat cheque too! For the rest, well, if this is the state of affairs, film criticism better be dead. Let A O Scott argue as much as he wants too. Long live Chutrejas!

This weekend there are two releases. Shyam Benegal’s Well Done Abba and Kabir Kaushik’s Hum Tum Aur Ghost. At 76, Benegal is still in no mood to rest. Well Done Abba stars Boman Irani, Minissha Lamba and Samir Dattani and like many of Benegal’s films, its a social satire.

Anupama Chopra (NDTV) – The end result is that Well Done Abba is heart-felt and intermittently funny but not flat-out delightful like Benegal’s last film Welcome to Sajjanpur. You need oodles of patience to enjoy this one. I recommend that you wait for the DVD so you can speed up things yourself – 2.5/5

Rajeev Masand (CNN IBN) – Despite some genuinely comic portions in which Benegal exposes the extent of double dealing and bribery involved in Indian rural politics, the film as a whole is hard to enjoy because of its sluggish pace, and because of your inability to empathize with Armaan Ali – 2.5/5 

Mayank Shekhar (HT) – Benegal’s certainly locked in a lyrical, layered screenplay here. The subject’s grim. The optimism is unique. Armaan realises along the way the power of an election coming up, the RTI Act, the mike, and the media. The state legislature debates a stolen well. The film remains a fine black comedy, which could only disappoint in parts for its weakened pace, or the director’s discomfort with a soundtrack to help with the movie’s commerce – 3/5

Shubhra Gupta (Indian Express) – But the downside of `Well Done Abba’ is that it is too lax, and, after a point, too stuffed. The pace picks up so slowly that you nearly tune out, and when post-interval, everything seems to be settling down nicely, Benegal starts throwing about long winded acronyms : spelling out the Right To Information Act can stop a movie dead – 2/5

Gaurav Malani (Indiatimes) – Despite being a trail and tribulation journey, Benegal’s direction has a feel-good charm to it. The simplicity in his storytelling is so charming that even when the film extends beyond its climax into a celebratory song, you don’t mind much. The authenticity of a rural setting is something that can never go wrong in a Shyam Benegal film – 3/5

Kaveree Bamzai (India Today) – It’s not the work of a helicoptering writer. It is the work of someone who has watched this life closely and carefully, so well done Ashok Mishra for the screenplay. It’s a place where there are ever more creative terms for bribes–from Diwali to Dussehra to peele Gandhiji. Where dowry is asked for three-door fridges and deewar-wala TV. Where police stations spend time registering thefts of hens, breaking the bakri’s leg, or stealing a door. Watch it and laugh. And wonder at what we have all come to. Pity about the songs though. We could have done without them – 3.5/5

Minty Tejpal (Mumbai Mirror)Well Done Abba is a sweet, whimsical political satire, quite a rare breed in Bollywood. Veteran director Shyam Benegal explores the familiar theme of corruption and inefficiency in small town India in his wry, deliberate manner, a refreshing change in these hypercharged days – 3/5

Nikhat Kazmi (TOI) – The film is a sheer delight, with the events unfolding in a breezy, comic vein which keeps the ribs relentlessly tickling. But what’s more alluring are the colourful characters and the multi-layered approach to the problems of a village which becomes a microcosm of the entire nation – 4/5

Kabir Kaushik made a brillant debut with Sehar. But nobody knows what happened to Chamku. And now its Hum Tum Aur Ghost, which looks similar to GhostTown. Arshad Warsi turns producer & writer with this one and stars alongwith Boman Irani & Dia Mirza. So, is it really Ghost Town or just another coincidence in B-town ?

Anupama Chopra (NDTV) – At the end of Hum Tum aur Ghost, a character declares: kisi ne sahi kaha hai, love conquers all. Not quite. For one, love cannot conquer this muddled script, which veers between rom-com, drama and high emotion, in the most meandering way possible – 2/5

Rajeev Masand (CNN IBN) – Ultimately the film is predictable and tiring because it’s an interesting idea that’s been stretched way beyond its potential. The usually dependable Arshad Warsi delivers a few light moments, and Boman Irani as a friendly ghost helps muster up a couple of laughs. But director Kabeer Kaushik, who gave us the gripping cop drama Sehar, doesn’t seem to have the light-handed touch required to turn this flimsy concept into a fun-filled ride – 2/5

Mayank Shekhar (HT) – Body dies, soul remains, and we all seek ‘mukti’ (salvation), is a very Hindu belief. It appears a natural subject for a Hindi film. The lead actor, also the producer, credits himself for the film’s story. He could’ve acknowledged the little help from David Koepp and the makers of Ghost Town (2008). The protagonist there has his dead buddy, a ghost, follow him around for a purpose. Here he makes contact with an entire town full of ghosts – 1.5/5

Shubhra Gupta (Indian Express) – The pow-wows between the ghosts and the sole human who can see them range from the funny and the lachrymose ( cue, close-up of Warsi, eyes brimming over), but the former are few and far. The interactions between the humans are equally contrived : Armaan’s girlfriend, the glamorous editor of a fashion magazine, is always dressed to the hilt ; his assistant exists solely to declare that she’s lesbian. Gosh. All of these are actors who can make a film thoroughly enjoyable . But `Hum Tum Aur Ghost’ is not that film – 1/5

Gaurav Malani (Indiatimes) – Arshad Warsi’s debut as a writer is so ‘lifeless’ in Hum Tum aur Ghost that even his ‘spirited’ performance isn’t able to save the dead slow film from dying a slow death – 2/5 

Kaveree Bamzai (India Today) – I couldn’t decide what was more grating. Dia’s mile wide smile? Warsi’s scruffy drunkenness? Irani’s desperate attempt to breathe life into a leaden script? Or Shernaz Patel’s faux seriousness as Warsi’s psychiatrist (by the way, why do Bollywood psychiatrists wear spectacles and speak in an accent like Shefali Shah in Karthik Calling Karthik?) And why has Bollywood suddenly discovered diseases? It doesn’t matter. The film is so boring that it threatens to put you to sleep. Hum Tum Aur Ghost is guaranteed to make you wish someone dead – 1/5

Minty Tejpal (Mumbai Mirror) – Whenever the screenplay sags, which is quite often, Arshad starts clicking babes in bikinis or the lovebirds start singing a song, both of which merely titillate to deceive. Arshad tries his best but seems lost through the film, Dia is ditzy but decent, Boman is quite wasted while Sandhya stays spunky – 1.5/5

Nikhat Kazmi (TOI) – When it comes to performances, it’s the Arshad-Boman chemistry that crackles and invests the film with sparkle and wit. Dia Mirza too has her moments as the feisty girlfriend while Sandhya Mridul ends up mostly wasted as a sidekick. What’s even more disappointing is Shankar-Ehsan-Loy’s audio track which fails to throw up a single hummable tune – 2.5/5

Well Done Abba seems to be clear winner this week but the reviews are not as glowing as it was for Welcome To Sajjanpur.

Dhen Tedan! Its friday! And the dope is out. Dibakar Banerjee’s Love Sex Aur Dhokha. Plus Vikram Bhatt is back again and is still struggling to scare us. Sir, aapka naam hi kaafi hai ab!  He has competition only from Ramu. And the third release is Lahore. First, its LSD. Click here to read our take on it.

Anupama Chopra (NDTV)LSD falters in the second half. The second story feels too long and the last isn’t as smoothly done as the first two. But the film is a worthy experiment created by one of Bollywood’s most imaginative and original directors. Let me warn you that it is a polarizing film. You’re going to either love it or you’re going to hate it. But I strongly recommend that you don’t ignore it – 3.5/5

Rajeev Masand (CNN IBN) – In the end, Love, Sex aur Dhokha is consistently gripping, although the third story strikes me as a tad contrived. You will be shocked, you will be startled, but walking out of the theatre, you know you have just seen what is possibly the most important Hindi film since Satya and Dil Chahta Hai. Not only does it redefine the concept of “realistic cinema”, it opens a world of possibilities in terms of how you can shoot films now – 4/5

Raja Sen (Rediff) – It is, as the oft-abused phrase goes, an ‘important’ film, and one you should watch if only to acquaint yourself with the way things inevitably work. It’s bleak, bittersweet, funny and markedly unglamorous, and yet you come out humming the theme tune, your head blown clear off your shoulders. Hell yeah. Welcome to adulthood, Bollywood, can we get you another beer? – 5/5

Shubhra Gupta (IE) – It holds up an unflinching mirror to the primal screws that the world turns on, and shows us the way we are. I have one minor grouse : I wanted it to be edgier, darker, but it still took me to a place where practically no current Hindi filmmaker, barring an Anurag Kashyap or a Vishal Bharadwaj, has transported me to – 4/5

Kaveree Bamzai (India Today) – With Love Sex Aur Dhokha, he has shown how far a Rs 3 crore budget can stretch if you have ingenuity and courage. He tells the story of three intertwined couples, Rahul and Shruti, two film school students who elope with tragic consequences; Rashmi and Adarsh, who work in a store; and Mrignayana and Prabhat, a sting specialist and a wannabe star from Meerut. It’s partly hilarious, mostly sad, yes quite misogynistic but also very unusual – 4/5

Mayank Shekhar (HT) – It’s a sort of flick you ideally discover without burdens of expectation: a caveat you must bear in mind, in case you were planning on rushing off to cinemas right away. Where any Bollywood movie without a gyrating, lip-synching hero perceives itself as ‘different’, this one, from an audience’s point of view, is truly an experiment – 3.5/5

Gaurav Malani (Indiatimes) – Love Sex aur Dhokha shouldn’t be restricted with tags like experimental, offbeat, path-breaking, low-budget or multiplex cinema. While it happens to be all of these, it goes beyond with its smart story and superlative storytelling to be a brilliant and entertaining film. This autobiographical account of a camera is absolutely recommended! – 4/5

Minty Tejpal (Mumbai Mirror) – For today’s liberal, urban, rich India, Love, Sex Aur Dhokha is the new age roti, kapda aur makaan, a trio of issues that need urgent undressing, sorry, addressing. LSD is totally recommended to all adult citizens, regardless of gender or political affiliations – 4/5 

Taran Adarsh (Indiafm) – On the whole, LSD is original, innovative and ground-breaking cinema, which will shock and provoke you. The film is definitely not for the faint-hearted or those who swear by stereotypical fares, but for those who yearn for a change. The youth, especially in metros, should fall hook, line and sinker for this one. The volatile title as also the explosive content should make this low-cost film [budgeted at approx. Rs. 1.5 cr.] a commercial accomplishment! – 4/5

Nikhat Kazmi (TOI) – Don’t expect time-pass entertainment. Think beyond run-of-the-mill and see how Ekta Kapoor re-invents herself as the producer of contemporary Indian cinema’s first full-blown experimental film – 3.5/5

Vikram Bhatt’s Shaapit marks the debut of Aditya Narayan. There is something really irritating about his face. Think that might easily lead to some fear factor. Lets check if it scared the critics or not.

Rajeev Masand (CNN IBN) – Horror films are meant to get your heart racing pumping. At the end of this film, you’ll have to check for your pulse – 1.5/5

Shubhra Gupta (IE) – Bhatt’s `1920’ gave us a ghastly ghost who hung upside down, and a couple of shivery moments. Practically nothing about `Shaapit’, which has the youngest looking debutant hero after Shahid Kapoor, is scary : not the bag of skeletons which floats around a 300 year old castle, not the wailing and the screeching, and the moaning and the groaning – 1/5

Taran Adarsh (Indiafm) – On the whole, SHAAPIT is truly a scary movie, which comes across as a worthy follow up to RAAZ and 1920. If you are a fan of ghost stories, SHAAPIT should be on your list of ‘things to do and watch’ this weekend. Go for it and be prepared to be spooked! – 3.5/5

Gaurav Malani (Indiatimes) – You won’t curse yourself on watching Shaapit . But then again it’s not blessed with anything extraordinary – 2.5/5

Nithya Ramani (Rediff) – There are some genuinely frightening scenes that will make you jump off your seat. Those looking for chills won’t be disappointed – 4/5

Nikhat Kazmi (TOI) – The film works not so much due to its story. Rather, it’s the way Vikram Bhatt tells his story — with a certain polish and pizzazz — that draws you in. Also, it’s Pravin Bhatt’s multi-hued cinematography which adds a lyrical quality to the film – 3/5

And the third release of the week is Lahore. Directed by Sajay Puran Singh Chauhan, it stars Farooque Shaikh, Saurabh Shukla and Sushant Singh.

Shubhra Gupta (IE) – The recently-released `Invictus’ gave us the true story of how Nelson Mandela used rugby to cement ties between blacks and whites in post-apartheid South Africa. `Lahore’ uses another sport–kick-boxing– to suggest how India and Pakistan can come together, but to much less effect – 2/5

Rajeev Masand (CNN IBN) – It’s well-intentioned, has its heart in the right place, and it’s an engaging enough watch. But it never rises above that to become a film that could truly make a difference – 2.5/5

Minty Tejpal (Mumbai Mirror) Lahore is a decent effort, a sports film with a political backdrop, both genres being a relative rarity in Bollywood. However, if it had been 20 minutes shorter, with clearer purpose, less dialogue and tighter direction, Lahore could have been a good film – 2/5

Kaveree Bamzai (India Today) – It’s a film that could have done with less length and more effort to find a better lead. Fewer cliches too. But for anyone who likes the crunching of bones, the slam of fists into each other and the twisting of muscle, go right ahead. Make your day – 2.5/5

Sukanya Verma (Rediff) – Though limited in its story-telling and undistinguished in execution, Lahore redeems itself somewhat by intently playing on the paradox of pacifist intentions realised in the face of a seriously hostile sport – 2.5/5

Nikhat Kazmi (TOI) – Lahore tells a fiery story, gently and lyrically and is embellished with some great cinematography (Neelabh Kaul) and action choreography in the kickboxing sequences (Tony Ching Siu Tung). But most of all, it boasts of a stellar act by the performers with Farouque Sheikh walking away with most of your applause as the genteel Hyderabadi who must train a team of winners, despite political and bureaucratic interference – 3.5/5

Gaurav Malani (Indiatimes) – With a perfectly predictable plotline, if a film still keeps you riveted through its runtime, you know there’s something earnestly right about it. Lahore has a right director. Sanjay Puran Singh Chauhan has the finesse to package the standard story with the requisite action and intensity that a sports film demands – 3/5

Roshmila Bhattacharya (HT) – Even though a Pakistani kickboxer has a hand to play, literally, in the story’s shocking turnaround, there’s no attempt to get into jingoistic spiel or whip up pop patriotism. So Pakistan’s decision to ban the film comes as a surprise. Lahore is not without its flaws but it still leaves you wanting to punch the air! – 3/5

Taran Adarsh (Indiafm) – On the whole, LAHORE is a small little gem that takes you by surprise and catches you completely unaware. The finale in the boxing ring itself is worth the price of the ticket and more. I suggest, you make time for this one – 3.5/5 

Guess its not difficult to figure out whats the film to catch this weekend. Go dope! And if you can, do watch Umesh Kulkarni’s marathi film Vihir.

Like many of us, Fatema Kagalwala is also tripping on LSD these days. But the big fuck up is that the music is still not available at many places! Yes, even after the film’s release. WTF is Sony Music upto ? I checked with Landmark (Andheri west) today. They have no clue. Thats quite a landmark, right ? Anyway, back to the dope.  

LSD music is LSD. Not the film but its actual abbreviation namesake- the psychedelic hallucination-inducing, drug. And in its 8 song package it packs every kind of delirious phantasm the drug can induce. 

I have no idea about music, you won’t get a review. I cannot write intelligently about instruments, rhythms, notes, genres and all that but there is this absolute compulsion I have, to write about the music of Love, Sex aur Dhoka. (Last I felt like this was for Gulaal and before that Dev D’s music. There is no comparison, these two and LSD music being in totally different spaces, the only similarity being how they got stuck to my playlist, fevicol-ka-mazboot-jod-types). Hence, this deluge of words which actually could begin at ‘rocks!’ and end at ‘awesome!’ But aren’t we all suckers for a little more than simplistic minus 20 IQ FYBA expression? I am going to have fun with it here while LSD songs play right now on my comp, yes, giving that extra kick.

Title track – Starts with a high-pitched shriek. Goes onto an equally mind-fucked ‘Dhishkiaaooon’. And the number of ways it is said in makes me imagine a character experimenting in different ways to say it, all mad but. Sets the perfect tone for this crazy song. And the mayhem then breaks loose. Obsession, destruction, wild fantasies all roll out without warning. What love! Destructive and protective in the same breath. I think it’s quite an interesting kind of love. But the killer are the lyrics. The schizophrenia in them is so much fun! Great perverse pleasure. In a twisted way embodies the point of the film. I don’t know if it was supposed to. If yes, then it’s genius. If no, even then I am thankful for the serendipity. And the way suddenly Kailash Kher softens down on the ‘Love, sex aur dhoka darling, love sex aur dhoka’ going into the frenzied pitch again is…Sneha Khanvalkar, take a bow. Actually, quite a few.

I can’t hold it longer – I think I LOVE this one because of it irreverence, its brazen-ness. And maybe also because being the ONLY female song in the bunch, I guess identify with it the mostest. But I also don’t think so, that’s too subconscious a reason because the song is a class-act in its own right. It’s more trippy than anything else in the album. Oh, the magic done with turntables, flutes, dholaks and what-nots (How I wish I could distinguish which instrument makes which music in the song!) The Rajasthani folk turned into a crazy, starved pop song! And does it work? The one that works the most in the album because of all the elements. Lyrics. Whoever thought of Rajasthani words and that too belted out in such a pop-ish style, in this case Mr Banerjee, is a genius. But for me the real genius is Sneha, the ensemble put together, with her bare-it-all, rendition, adding to the craziness. The fun she seems like having while singing it, makes me jealous. And the FO? It’s the juiciest cherry I have seen on any cake yet! My roomie put it on her cell after she listened to it once (by compulsion being in the same room with me) and now does not need permission to go upto my comp and put it on whenever she pleases which has become all the time in two days. More testimony for Sneha’s genius and our madness?

Tu Gandi – Controversy’s child. I first read about it on Anurag Kashyap’s status on facebook and me being the prude that I am, was more than a little taken aback. But of course, a curiosity for anything ‘atrangi’ (not for a want for a better word but there is no word that clearly translates the full meaning of this word in any language), call it attraction rather, drew me to it. Where the hell did the ideas of this song come in from? I want to go to that place… Explore it superficially or delve a little deeper, it explodes. A song that starts with something as crass as ‘Tu gandi achhci lagti hain’ goes onto something as spiritual as ‘Main kya jaanu kya sharam haya, tujhe jaanke main sab bhool gaya, woh kehte hain yeh kufr-khata, kaafir kya hain, kya mujhko pata.’ Then it goes into a starker yet deeper zone, ‘Sach, sach main bolnewaala hoon, main manka behad kaala hoon, tere rang mein man rang loonga, tu rangeen achchi lagti hain.’ There can be no song more honest about love and sex than this one. Personally, I think the music is a bit of a let-down in this one. Or maybe it is just that I am not a trance fan and this one falls in that pattern, the repetitive rhythm structure. Had the variations in the melody been more, it would have been a much much more interesting song. But guess, Dibakar thought we wouldn’t be able to handle the RDX then? 😉

Tainu TV pe wekhya – The craziness for me ends with the songs above. From here begins another trip, a bit closer to reality, dripping sarcasm, tongue-in-cheek, laughing at the knowledge that those being made fun of will not even get the point. This song reminds me of the news item years back saying how Abhijeet Sawant was inundated with marriage offers after he won whatever music contest he did. Wow. But the view of the dystopia we live in is delicious. Laughing at oneself and one’s surroundings is another kind of liberation.

Na Batati tu – The trip in this one is the music and KK’s rendition. Starting with classical beats going onto western beats and KK coming in with classical vocals going na dhin dhin-na over western rhythms gels for me! Again the self-deprecatory tone of the music and singing hide the meaningful lyrics. And the under-emphasis works so well, just adding that splash of meaning in an environment of lightly charged music! Sample this –

Nabh ke sitare (when was the last time we heard ‘nabh’ in any Hindi movie song?)

Aise saje hain dwarein

Jaage Jaage ujiyare

Mukh rang gaye saare

Palkon ke tale chhupa chand na

Tujhko padega pehchanna

Kuchh samajh ishaare…

My, my! Is this part of a movie about vouyeurism, materialistic changing values, love, sex and dhoka??? I am waiting for the film, if the songs alone pack in so much.

Tauba Tauba – Roomie tells me this is part of KK’s ‘Kailasa’. I imagine it as a spoof of some kind much like the ‘Love Bollywood Style’. The pace, very disco-ish and the rhythm very Arabic, makes it danc-ish. Ish! Why am I writing like this? Maybe cause its a song just to be heard and not to be spoken about at length???

Bollywood style – Makers of silly ‘nostalgia-inducing’, ‘tributes’, spoofs of 60, 70’s, 80’s, 90’s and hell even 2000’s songs must learn a thing or two from this Love Bollywood style song. Not that it’s the best in this category. “Woh ladki hain kahan hain’ from DCH and ‘Dhoom tana’ from OSO rock (I am out of words now) but this one’s got a tongue-in-cheek satiric attitude that the two above didn’t have. I like the sly tone of the song, making fun at prevalent popular film songs/situations/attitudes and the treatment is so genuinely serious it’s quite funny!

I’ve spoken too much about that just needs to be heard. And I can’t stop playing it repeatedly and can’t stop saying, ‘Fuck, awesome’ every other minute or so. Hope you like it too! And hope it catches on like Dev D. Not comparing but seeing how big a hit it was with the youth these songs sure do have the capacity to catch fire and heat up things more on the alternative film music scene. And by god we know how bad we need it.

But now I need to go watch the film. I caaaaannnnn’t hold it any LONGER! And shouldn’t either, na?