Archive for the ‘shit’ Category

For those who care, here is the full list of the winners of IIFA Awards 2009, Macau. It doesnt bother us much. We just go through the list once to check how many winners have “Bachchan” surname or how many surnames are “FOB”, ok thats  Friends Of Bachchans,  thats our cheap thrill !

Best Actor – Hrithik Roshan ( Jodha Akbar)

Best Actress – Priyanka Chopra ( Fashion)

Best Film – Jodha Akbar

Best Actress in Supporting Role – Kangana Ranaut ( Fashion)
 
Best Actor in Supporting Role – Arjun Rampal ( Rock On )
 
Best Director – Ashutosh Gowariker ( Jodha Akbar)

Best Actor in a Negative Role – Akshaye Khanna ( Race )

Best Actor in a Comic Role – Abhishek Bachchan ( Dostana )

 Style Diva Award – Bipasha Basu

Style Icon Award – Hrithik Roshan 

Best Music – A R Rahman ( Jodha Akbar )

Best background score – A R Rahman ( Jodha Akbar)

Best Lyricist – Javed Akhtar ( Jodha Akbar)

Best Male Playback Singer – Javed Ali ( kehne ko jashn bahara hai – Jodha Akbar)

Best Female Playback singer : Shreya Ghoshal ( Teri aur – Singh is King)

Best Story – A Wednesday ( Neeraj Pandey)

Best Screenplay – A Wednesday ( Neeraj Pandey)

Best Dialogue – Manu Rishi ( Oye Lucky Lucky Oye)

Best Costume designer – Neeta Lulla ( Jodha Akbar)

Best Sound Recording : Resul Pookutty ( Ghajini) 

Best Action – Ghajini

Best Special Effects – Ghajini

Best Editing – Jodhaa Akbar

Best Make-up – Jodhaa Akbar

Best Art Direction – Jodhaa Akbar

Best Debut (Female) : Asin

Best Debut ( Male ) : Farhan akhtar

Outstanding contribution to Indian cinema – Rajesh Khanaa

Outstanding achievement by an Indian in International cinema – Aishwarya rai.

Star of the decade ( female) –  Aishwarya Rai 

Star of the decade ( male ) –  Shah Rukh khan

Movie of the Decade- Lagaan

Music director of the decade –  A R Rahman
 
Director of the decade – Rakesh Roshan 
For IIFA Macau pics, click here – got all the possible pics from various IIFA events

For us, IIFA is IIFA3 – India International Film Awards of Amitabh, Abhishek and Aishwarya Bachchan. Looks like other stars also feel the same. And so, many of them are happily giving it a miss. Count the names – No Khans ( Shah Rukh Khan, Aamir Khan or Salman Khan), Akshay Kumar, Shahid Kapoor, Saif Ali Khan,  Kareena Kapoor or Ranbir Kapoor….the biggies of bollywood and their excuses are all silly.

We wonder who are attending it then ? People who belong to either of the three categories…

1. Those who are close to Bachchan Family.

2. Those who are jobless, have no films at hand.

3. Freeloaders, who will happily go to hell also if they get a free ticket and a place to stay. 

It will be Bachchan Parivaaar Awards again at Macau! Here are some pics of the stars arriving at Macau for the award, ok, naach gaana show, ok, money minting show, ok , whatever it is. Pics of Abhishek Bachchan, Aishwarya Rai with her dad, Ashutosh Gowariker, Javed Akhtar, Shabana Azmi, Tanvi Azmi, designer Manav Gangwani, Sophie Chaudhary and David Dhawan. 

For more pics from IIFA Awards Macau 2009, click here – it got all the possible pics from various events at IIFA.

Old age does strange things to people. And if you were a big star once then you will go insane for sure. Only few manage to keep their sanity. Check out the video in the post, actor Rajesh Khanna is taking a dig at Rekha. Its a must watch.

BTW, Rajesh Khanna will be honoured with Lifetime Achievement Award at the IIFA Awards, Macau. We are sure Rekha will also be there. We are waiting to see her reaction when Kakaji goes on stage to collect his award.

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FilmfareTry these three steps if you are in desperate need for some cash.

First – Pick up any recent issue of Filmfare.

2nd – Lets put the bet. You say – Filmfare sucks!

3rd – Open the magazine. You will win!

Because week after week, they suck! And they are getting better at sucking upto the stars. The recent issue is a fashion special (ROFL, do they know the meaning of “special”? ) and they prove it again. It got nothing except the great cover pic ( Imran Khan & Sonam Kapoor). DONT buy and waste your money. Trust us! 

And here goes our dissection ( not specific to this issue) –

Editorial – Jitesh Pillai’s editorial should get the Razzies immediately, if there is any such award for editorial piece! He still sound like a star-stuck kid, and issue after issue he has the same thing to say….how much hard work they have put in the current copy! His editorial sounds more like a press release issued by some star’s publicist. Dude, go watch some “cinema”, look beyond the stars, stop sucking them for a while and if nothing works out, get a job as some star’s secretary. Your sucking up will help you for sure.  . 

Gossip – they serve old thakela goss. Read Mid-day and Mumbai Mirror instead and you get the best gossip every morning. Why wait for 2 weeks and pay more! Just for the gloss. Naah, doesnt make sense

Cover Story – Their covers are only A-list stars. There are hardly 20 A-list stars. And Filmfare has to do 24 covers in a year. They repeat, its d same shitty cycle – SRK, Aamir, Kareena, Saif, Bachchan and the same set of boring oooh-di-la-lah questions with equally boring answers! What are you eating, have you lost or gained weight, what are you shooting, nothing beyond that.

Interviews – They got the worst team of writers. Its a serious competition out there, who can write the worst piece. Since last few issues they are trying to have a more personal approach but nothing adds up to the drab copy. Do they even have copy editors ?

Sneak Peek – Here they still score some points, sometimes. May be, once in two months. Because they have one thing for sure. Access to the stars.

Features – Not a single damn bright idea! You wonder if the smooth glossy paper will make your arse feel better if you can use it for toilet paper!

Trend stories – They are the last one to spot the trends, after its been done to death in newspapers,magazine and tv channels.

Photo feature – Yes, they get the biggies here and some great pics too. But whoever writes the text with those pics, needs to be fired! Now!

Shatrughan Sinha’s Q n A – Is there anything new there ? Ramu’s blogs and his answers are more entertaining. And you dont have to pay for reading blogs.

Last piece – Jitesh, you dont have to do it again! Front and back. Just do it once dude. Or you like it both ways ? Its anyway fuckall, we can do without the bad aftertaste of the concluding piece.

And if you dont agree, just pick up the recent fashion special issue of Filmfare and tell us if you think there is any bright idea there. We will surrender. One page pic, one page of shitty writing, the magazine is full of it. There is nothing that you dont know or havent read. They havent tried anything new. New feature, new way of presenting, new text, nothing!

empireFor all you Filmfare fuckall fellas, here is something tht you must die. Go and check out the latest issue of Empire Magazine, the 20th anniversay special. Its a cover to die for! And you will get what we mean by the “big idea”! Magazine ho to waisa ho, warna na ho!

And oh yeh, we got money from Cineblitz and Stardust to write this nasty piece on Filmfare! Atleast they are honest, they dont suck upto anyone!

How is that  ? Cool or Daddy Cool ? Actually the news made us happy, damn happy. Well, check out this trailer of the film Daddy Cool. Its produced by Indra Kumar and his partner Ashok Thakeria.

Those have seen the film ‘Death at a funeral’, can easily guess that its a straight lift. And those of you havent seen the film, here is the synopsis of Daddy Cool.

daddy koolSo, what can happen at a funeral? Even, if it’s the funeral of Daddy Cool Douglas Lazarus? It’s in Goa, tears, sad speeches, melancholia… right? Wrong! When… The coffin makers deliver the wrong body.

Good Son Steven Lazarus (Suniel Shetty), an aspiring writer tries to give his father a decent funeral by delivering a eulogy…that includes a description of the rivers of Goa. Having flown in first class younger brother Brian (Ashish Chowdhry), suave, successful and much admired writer from Mumbai, not ready to share responsibility for his mother, saying “He barely has money to support himself and his dogs.” A rather “comfortable” estate agent Pinto (Vijay Patkar) tries to close a house deal for Nancy (Aarti Chabria) Steven’s wife who is trying to get away from her mother-in-law Mrs. Lazarus (Suhasini Mulay) , who though just bereaved, lives up to her title admirably.

A prospective groom Michael (Aftab Shivdasani) to a cousin, Maria (Tulip Joshi), nervous about meeting father-in-law to be (Naseer Abdullah ) comes in completely spaced out because of a hallucinogenic drug given to him out of Maria’s junkie brother Harry’s (Chunky Pandey) bottle of “Relaxo.” A knife-wielding suspicious Jenny (Kim Sharma) finds her husband Carlos (Javed Jaffrey) pleading forgiveness from the red- hot model Ayesha (Sophie Chodhry). While the model, told to bestow her favours on a man in a black suit, in order to feature in an ad film, finds herself in a room full of potential employers.

A repulsive spit on hands and flick back hair, Roadside Romeo kind of aspiring boyfriend, Jim (Vrajesh Hirjee) thinks that even a funeral is an opportunity to impress Maria. A doddering old Uncle Murphy (Prem Chopra) in a wheelchair believes in practicing “rapchick” to get the girls…And then enters a “Blackmailer” Andrew (Rajpal Yadav) who has a scandalous secret about the deceased Douglas “Daddy Cool” Lazarus (Sharat Saxena).

So what does happen is complete melange of madness, chaos, and a laugh a minute! So is it a ‘fun’eral? Or should we say the fun is real?

death at a funeralDeath At A funeral’s story is exactly the same. Whats more, it has midget and copying the same idea they have casted Rajpal Yadav for the same. Great guts, we must say.

According to Mid-day, Indra Kumar had to pay two crore to the producers of Death At A funeral, in an out-of-court settlement. About two months back, the makers sent a legal notice to the Indra and his business partner Ashok Thakeria stating that if the need arose they’d take this matter to court or he should simply offer to buy the rights of the film. The two parties had a meeting last week and Indra and Ashok handed two crore check to them.

We love it! Now they should understand why writers need to be paid more, much more than just peanuts!

Plagiarism dope : Here is the new trick of bollywood directors/producers. They would copy the film first and then write a letter to the producer of the original film stating that they have made a film and have just discovered that the “idea” of their film sounds similar to the original one. Since there is no copyright on “idea”, the original producer gives a green signal to our chor filmmakers. UTV and Ravi Chopra did the same for Aamir and Banda Yeh Bindaas hai. The original ones are Cavite and My Cousin Vinny.  

We wonder if Karan Johar has bought the rights or just taken “idea” permission for remaking Stepmom ? As always, we will kep you posted.

teen patti bigAmitabh Bachchan had posted two trailers of Teen Patti on his blog. But it seems his producers were unhappy with the way the promo was put online. They felt its too early to show the promo, and it seems some other website also  put the same promo on their site without any permission. So ? The more the merrier! Whats the harm if everyone puts the promo on their site ? Any producer would like to grab more eyeballs. If not for the right buzz, what are promos meant for ? Anyway, on the producer’s request, Bachchan has removed the film trailer from his blog.

Yippeee, we saw it. And if you didnt, wait! There is no other option. And if you are too desperate like us, you can click here to read the synopsis/story of the film. To check out the first look click here and for Bachchan-Ben Kingsley pics, click here

Thats what it looks like. And its a nasty one. To quote from Amitabh Bachchan’s recent post on his blog

Copy of aladin amitabh new-1A complete fabrication of thought word and deed. The calibre of the journal showeth. Or is this the calibre of its newly appointed ‘hack’ recently sacked (notice the rhyming ) from the entertainment editorial of a prestigious news paper. And if he is not careful of his inputs that he provides, as above, he shall be on his way for another sack !! May the Lord save this ‘begum’.

Its obvious and easy guess. Khalid Mohamed was the Entertainment Editor of Hindustan Times (HT) before he was sacked from there. Or did he quit ? According to gossipmongers, it all happened because of Amitabh Bachchan, who was tired of Khalid bajaoing him and his family members almost everyday, in HT. With the help of his bade bhaiyya Amar Singh, Big B pulled the last possible string and Khalid was sacked from Hindustan Times.

Recently Khalid moved to The Asian Age as the Entertainment Editor. The article that Bachchan is refering to in his post is a report published in the same paper. Here is the full post and the report. Whats more, Bachchan even warns him of another sack. It seems Big B surely loves to live upto his name.

But the last line is a mean one…May lord save the ‘begum’. Its not difficult to read that Bachchan is making fun of Khalid’s sexual preference and behaviour. Mr Bachchan, why stoop so low ?  So much gyaan about your father’s literature and legacy and it comes down to this! You can do better. Or do you just pretend ?

Now it may sound impossible, but there was a time when Khalid and Bachchans were great chaddi-buddies. Guess what happened ? Dekhi zamane ki yaari…bicchde sabhi baari baari….

ram-gopal-varmaThe man knows it all. But you cant win all the games. His recent film Rann is on the politics of newsroom, the battle for eyeballs. And so, we thought that atleast Ramu would understand the way news channels work. They are not run by shitheads as he and his publicity smartasses might be thinking. Why ? Read on.

With the distorted version of Jann Gana Mann as Jana Gana Rann, Ramu and his coterie must have thought that they have cracked the next big idea for the publicity of the film. So even before the song got censor certificate, it was smartly handed over to the news channels to play, expecting the right buzz to happen. And thats how its available all over the net. When the intention is not so cool, the coolest idea also falls flat. Thats exactly what happened. With the IPL and election fever on, nobody bothered much about the jana gana rann song. No play, no eyeball, no buzz.

Next, as expected Censor Board didnt allow the song. Ramu was more than happy with the news. It was moving in the direction as it was planned. Rann’s publicity managers tried to convince the news editors to debate, dicuss and dissect the issue. Blame it on Varun and Rahul baba’s high election drama and fakeiplplayer’s entertaining posts…those were much more interesting. Deadend again.

Next, Ramu approached the court to get the song cleared. And as expected the Supreme Court slammed Ramu for distorting the national song. Here is more.

We always thought this was one dude who would never pretend to be holier-than-thou and try to show us the mirror because he always said that he looks dirty when he watches himself in the mirror. We expected Ramu to be the last man to give us gyaan on the state of the nation and blah blah. But then, for publicity people do strange things.

So What does Mr Amitabh Bachchan thinks about this publicity gimmick ? The man who is always ready to butcher the media. Or he has no clue.

And here goes our love letter to the man whom we love to hate or hate to love…

Dear Ramu,

After your horrible attempts like Sarkar Raj, Contract and Phoonk, we are not sure about others but we will be there.  Because we still think that you are the original inglorious bastard, one who can talk about the love for RIFLE so openly and without any guilt. Only few dare to do so. This is the real you or atleast thats your image. You are not jana gana rann. Dont give us lecture. And please dont pretend. Bollywood is anyway guided by too heavy morals. We dont want one more conscious citizen.

If for nothing else, we will watch Rann for the honest man who tried to fake it with Jann Gana Rann.

fightclub

First came out a really sad still from the film Love Aaj Kal. It was difficult to tell who looked more bored in the pic – Saif Ali Khan or Deepika Padukone. The link to the pic is here. But thank god for small mercies. Now there is more to discuss and dissect. Two posters of the film are out. And these are not as dull as the pic but still, well, have a look.

loveaajkalposter

loveaajkalposter 2

Our conclusion – It seems Imtiaz Ali has again boarded the train. Its again a travelogue or road movie or whatever you want to call it. Thats what it looks like from the poster. This should complete his road triology with Socha Na Tha and Jab We Met.

The first poster has some character but nothing fresh about it. Second one looks straight out of Salaam Namaste. We know, we are reading too much into the posters. But when Imtiaz is considered as one of the directors to look out for, atleast his film should not have such unispiring posters. Or is it recession at creativity shop too. And when the expectations are so high, you should not fuck around with such shoddy ones. Not even the posters. Imtiaz, can we please have something better ? We are waiting and hoping for better.

For some inspiration, do check out the posters of Dev D. Who said you need shitload of money for everything!

amisha patel

According to Mid-day, Ameesha Patel has been offered a job as a professor at the Tufts University. And whats more, she can join anytime she wants.

For those of you who dont know, Ameesha is a  gold medallist in economics from the Tufts University in Boston. Fuck, we dont believe! And if you dont believe us, just try talking to her once. You dont need proof. Was her dad or boyfreind heading the economics department ? Or Economics means economics of brain, the least one gets the gold one ?

Anyway, she has been asked to teach drama and acting. Woohoo! Can she first enroll herself for some acting classes ? we are willing to sponsor that. We sincerly feel bad for the students! Nobody deserves so much bad luck to learn acting from Ameesha Patel !