Archive for the ‘Bolly Jokes’ Category

This time POTD is not Pic Of The Day but its PICK Of The Day. Take a closer look at both the pics and pick the odd wig man out! Both the pics are from the music release function of Rajinikanth & Aishwarya Rai starrer Robot (Endhiran).

And if you think its a futile exercise, click here. Its even made to Answers.com page. So, don’t put the blame on us. We have never been able to understand the reason though. And he is so desperate that even when he is being taken to the hospital on a stretcher bed, he doesn’t forget to cover it. Scroll down and  take a closer look at the pic….aha, the hand!

Dear Boss, you can do everything. Can you please crack this puzzle ?

Moving to Junior B. The kid who is tweeting for his new film Khelein Hum Jee Jaan Sey should be immediately banned from Twitterverse. Why ? Check out this timeline. They did 24 hours countdown to reveal a new KHJJS pic of Junior B. Here is another puzzle…tell us whats so special about this pic ?

Their answer – Its part one of our independence Day surprise.

Our answer – Please take back our independence if this is the surprise!

We are sure that by now everyone knows the hottest word after “Paul” is “Jackass”. And if you are one of those who are still in wonderland, click here and here to read what,why,when and how it happened!

And it seems that Jackass Kumar and Big Buddhu B soon realised their mistake. It was backlash from every side. And in order to cover up the mess, they score a WTF hattrick. Today Bombay Blunder Times carried a story on their last page stating that it was their idea. WOW! To quote from the article….

But the point is this: Akshay Kumar didn’t visit Laxman in hospital to promote his film. It was our idea. He is, after all, playing the great cartoonist’s Common Man in his next release Khatta Meetha. At 86, ailing for close to a month, deprived of speech, struggling to get back movement, Laxman welcomes visitors. The alert and curious eyes light up, the handshake is firm and he refuses to let visitors go. They make him feel better. His wife Kamala and daughter-in-law Usha report a difference in his progress when people are around. “Akshay’s visit really made him happy, he perked up,” says Usha.

Everybody is welcome to visit Laxman, he’s on the 7th floor, room 712 of the hospital. Akshay Kumar took the time to do so. Who’s next?

Click here to go the epaper version of TOI. Select Bombay Times and then go to the last page of  14th July 2010 issue. Of course, they had no choice but to take the blame because the whole world knows the keyword called “medianet”. And it means if we want to inaugurate our new potty with Jackass Kumar grining next to it, it can come on the first page of Blunder Times. One just has to sign a fat cheque.

And whats worse, they have put out a new pic. The grin has vanished! Jackass Kumar is now all sober. Take a look.

This is the worst possible idea after making that mistake. Its confirms that they also realised the crime they committed! And today  Madhavan Narayanan, journalist/columnist with Hindustan Times, tweeted…

A source close to Laxman family has mailed me saying they were “not happy” with Akki’s behavior.

He even put out a post on the whole issue and also clarified that he knows the family. To quote his previous tweet…

I used to work 10 feet away from Mr. Laxman in TOI and we used to watch him in awe. His son was a colleague as well.

Click here to read his kickass post on the Jackass controversy. So, whats next ? What will the combo of Jackass Kumar and Blunder Times deliver. We are waiting and how!

It all started with this picture.

We wrote about it here. It was a shameless piece of shit publicity idea to involve an ailing old man who has nothing to do with the film. Rajeev Masand tweeted about it saying…

Need innovative ideas 2 promote films in competitive times. But Akshay Kumar grinning like a jackass at RKLaxman’s hospital bed is a new low.

Guess who found the tweet offensive. Amitabh Bachchan. Why ? Because of the use of the word “jackass”. We think thats an understatement. Look at the grin on Akshay Kumar’s face. What do you call that ? Plus, Rajeev said “like a jackass”. And even before Rajeev tweeted his thoughts on the pic, blogosphere and social media was already buzzing with sharp criticism of the pic and the publicity idea.

So, the key word is “Jackass”. We checked Dictionary.com and according to it…..

jack·ass has two meanings – noun

1. a male donkey.

2. a contemptibly foolish or stupid person; dolt; blockhead; ass.

We bet Rajeev didn’t mean the second one. It has to be the first one.

Anyway, WTdoubleF is that Amitabh Bachchan who criticises media almost everyday on his blog doesn’t find the pic offensive. Infact, he doesn’t comment on it but puts the focus on “jackass”. Wow! Bachchan in Blunderland. And to remind Mr Holier-than-thou, here is what he commented on his blog about TOI journalist Bharati Dubey once….

Get married, if you are not already. Embrace your sentiment. And may you hold on to it till your old age without the use of any props ! When you get there, give me a call. If I am still around, we’ll talk !!

Ofcourse, thats not personal. Click here to read more – why and when. And this wasn’t the first time. He also commented on Upala KBR of Mid-day stating…

Upala, the affable and rotund by-line writer form MidDay is insistent on my responses to the utterances of Mr Sinha, Mr ShahRukh Khan, Mr Salim Khan, Mr Aamir Khan.

Mr Bachchan, what do you mean by rotund by-line writer ? Again, going back to dictionary.com, it means…

ro·tund –adjective

1. round in shape; rounded: ripe, rotund fruit.

2. plump; fat.

3. full-toned or sonorous: rotund speeches.

Well, its also not personal! You can read the blogpost here. Wow, Sir, you are surely getting better with age. And yes, you choice of words surely confirms that you went to Sherwood School.

And click here to read Rajeev Masand’s reply to Bachchan’s criticism.

BTW, Sir, what do you think of that publicity stunt of Akshay Jackass Kumar ? Knowing your Sherwood School background, you surely can come up with better word than “jackass”! We are waiting and how!

PS – We lost respect for the old man long long long back, though he still remains one of our favourite actor of all time. So, all you “jackass” fans of Big B, come, attack us!

UPDATE – And finally the Jackass Kumar has replied. Click here to read his reply.

In Bollylalaland, there is no word called shame! As they say, jiyega..marega…publicity ke liye par kuch bhi karega! Remember Aamir Activist Khan during Rang De Basanti. Well, its that time of the year again.

A new film of Aamir Khan Productions is up for release and wonder whom he is remembering – Asheem Chakravarty. Why ? Because it makes news. Because Indian Ocean has composed one song for Peepli Live and another old song of theirs is included in the album of the film. But where was Aamir when Asheem Chakravarty passed away ? Why we didnt hear anything from him ? And where was he when the documentary on Indian Ocean – Leaving Home released ? That was the best tribute to Asheem. Aamir doesn’t need to put one more tribute show! If only he had supported the film, that would have been enough. But strange are the ways of the world, so bear it.

The other one is about Akshay Moron Kumar. Guess where he went to ? Breach Candy Hospital to meet cartoonist R K Laxman. Why ? Because he has a new film coming up called Khatta Meetha, directed by another moron called Priyadarshan. So, the marketing guys must have hit upon a great idea – lets get Akki the common man to meet the cartoonist who created the great indian common man. Because according to the Bombay Times report, Laxman’s common man was the inspiration for Akshay’s character. Bloody liars! Its a remake of malyalam film Vellanakalude Nadu.

Just take a look at the pic, see both the faces and you don’t need any words to describe  the scene. You can read the full article here (select Monday- 12th July, 2010 and then Bombay Times tab – its on left corner) or check out the first page of Bombay Times (epaper).

And thats why we have been requesting Robert Pattinson (though we hate the vampire craze)  again and again to just bite us once. We desperately wanna suck some bolly blood!

PJ – As a reviewer wrote, ” Perhaps Prakash Jha is just punning on his initials, and laughing at us all”. We thought its priceless and deserves to be QOTD! But who knew that PJ would really get down to play dirty and stupid politics. First story is our conspiracy theory and second, our sources say, is cent percent true. And if second story is true, then we are sure about the first one too.

Here is the conspiracy theory. Padmaja Thakore posted a review of Fart-neeti on PFC, and in not so kind words. Two days later, the post vanished. No reason was given, where and how. And if you have been following Padmaja Thakore’s posts, then its not difficult to figure out how strongly she defends her reviews. Suddenly withdrawl symptoms! Why ?

We were curious and tried to put two plus two together. We found out that she is married to filmmaker Manish Tiwari who made his debut with Dil Dosti Etc. The film was produced by Prakash Jha. According to our theory, PJ must have got to know about the review and didn’t take it lightly. Ghar ka bhedi Bivishan, ok, Bivishan’s wife ( Yes, if they can take Mahabharata route, we are going Ramayan way). And thats why, without any reason Padamaja Thakore removed her Raajneeti post from PFC. If you are still interested in reading it, click here to read the post. Courtesy – Google cache!

Now, the fact. We have got to know that PJ has been calling the big bosses of one of the popular websites and has threatened to sue them and their reviewer. Reason ? Their Fart-neeti review and the reviewer’s hilarious pricesless quotes on him and his Fart-neeti film. It seems PJ, unlike his intials, doesnt have a funny bone. And our sources say that this news is cent percent true. If this is true, we are sure that our conspiracy theory is correct too.

Whats more, this is not the first time that PJ is doing it. When his film Apaharan released, something similar had happened. The film had a tie-up with one of the major hindi news channels. But when the channel gave a bad review to the film, PJ called up the person concerned and got into an altercation, on how they can give bad review to the film when they are channel partner! Since then, the two have not been on talking terms!

Someone need to tell Mr PJ that any kind of partnership doesnt mean that you own the editorial right over any kind of content! Unless, its Khat-Ni LajMi ! And yes Mr PJ, now we know why you lost the elections, not once but twice. Think big, play politics at bigger level, not dirty & petty ones!

PS – And after all this, we read a profile of PJ in the latest issue of Tehelka that portrays him as a man born with instinctive love for risk! Yawwwwnnn…..we have happily moved to Open!

PPS – Dont get us wrong, we also used to love his films. But then, his “films” used to deal with politics and not “him”! Now its all just a PJ!

Here was our bet! And yes, she doesn’t disappoint! And like always, we are again damn right! Ok, tired of saying it. BTW, we are being warned from different sides – Karara jawab denge! We replied – Hum dekhengepar jo kahenge sach kahenge….

And if you are still interested in reading the review, click here.

The wait is over. Here it is. Finally! The first look of one of the most anticipated films of the year. The first look of Mani Ratnam’s Raavan is out. Its just a teaser but enough to get our curiosity quotient high. Click on the play button to watch it.

So, what do you think ?  Here is what we felt…

1. Superb music. Will Rahman-Gulzar deliver again ? Seems like…veera ke dus mathe

2. Mani Ratnam’s heroine again making “wet” entry! Earlier it used to be in films. Check any films of his. Now its the same in teaser.

3.  Looks like it has hangover of Vishal Bhardwaj’s Omkara. Freeze it at 00:26, doesnt he exactly look like Ajay Devgan in Omkara ?

4. But still somehow lives upto the expectations. Great energy, gorgeous set up and perfect sound with the visuals. Ok, thats nough analysis for just 30seconds.

And we are back with CQ. The big question – How will it end ? Will Raavan die ? Will Ram kill Raavan ? Or will be something else. Yeah, we know cinema is not all about how it ends but we are willing to believe it after Ratnam made the corporate film Guru. End does matter!

In the film Abhishek Bachchan plays the lead character (Raavan) who kidnaps Aishwarys Rai (Sita) and falls in love with her. Tamil star Vikram plays the role of Ram in the hindi version and lead role of Raavan in the tamil one . Govinda’s role is inspired by Hanuman, Ravi Kissan plays Abhishek’s aide and Nikhil Dwivedi plays a cop. Here are four options, see which one works…

1. Both Ram & Raavan will die fighting for Sita. Everything is fair in love and war!

2. Raavan will let Sita go. Then Ram will use her to get back at Raavan, put a trap and kill him.

3. Raavan will use Sita, who will fall in love with him, and then they will kill Ram.

4. Raavan will kill Ram. And Sita will kill Raavan. And finally Sita will kill herself.

We know whats the right one. Lets see if you can score! Take a pick. And will Team Ratnam-Rahman-Sivan deliver magic again ? Seems so, atleast from what we are hearing.

Fuck the Filmfare, Screen, IIFA, GIFA, Stardust, Zee Cine and every XYZ Awards. They are all the same. Tv shows that needs naach-gaana and stars. And so the competition is who sucks better than whom and which star!  Most of them are organised by even management companies who get the stars to do naach-gaana and make sure that everyone gets a fat cheque.

So, here is the real deal – Golden Kela Awards by Random Magazine . Desi Razzies! Pure honesty! 100 percent shuddh!Its the second year of the award. And for a change, we agree with every choice of theirs. Thats rare! Outlook’s Follywood Awards are also good but Golden Kela Awards scores better because they have much better categories.

Worst Film – Kambakkht Ishq

Worst Director – Ashutosh Gowariker for WTF is Your Raashee 

Worst Actor – Harman/Hurman/Harrman/Harmun/Whatever Baweja for WTFYR

Worst Actress – Kareena Kapoor for Kambakkht Ishq

Worst Supporting Actor – Ranvir Shorey for Chandi Chowk to China

Worst Supporting Actress – Deepika Padukone for Chandni Chowk To China

Worst Debutant Male – Jackie Bhagnani for Kal Kisne Dekha

Worst Debutant Female – Shruti Hasan for Luck

Worst Pair – Rani Mukherjee & Shahid Kapoor for Dil Bole Hadippa

When Did This Come Out Award – Deepak Tijori’s Fox

Most Original Story Award – Dil Bole Hadippa copied from She’s The Man

Baawra Ho Gaya Hai Ke Award – Sylvester Stallone & Denise Richards for Kambakkht Ishq

Most Irritating Song of the year Award – Pritam for Love Mera Hit Hit from Billu Barber

Most Atrocious Lyrics Award- Sameer for Love Me Love Me from Wanted

Special Awards 

The Lajja Award for Worst Treatment of a Serious Issue – Kabir Khan & Aditya Chopra for New York

The Dara Singh Award For Worst Accent – Abhishek Bachchan for Delhi 6

The Black Award for Emotional Blackmail – Paa

The Insensitivity Award – Chandni Chowk To China

The Bas Kijiye Bahut Ho Gaya Award  – Madhur Bhandarkar

The Critic’s Award of 2009 – Taran Adarsh

Cyrus Broacha, the chief guest of the show was awarded the Cyrus Broacha Memorial Award this year. To read more about the awards, nominations and blogs, click here. And click on the play button to watch a tv report on Kela-ophobia.

WTF : Sonu Nigam is Sant Nigam now!

Posted: February 11, 2010 by moifightclub in Bolly Jokes, bollywood, life, News, Thoughts, WTF
Tags:

Otherwise how do you explain the following quote by Sonuji, oops Santji.

I’m not me. This is not what I am. I don’t want people to call me mad but I died last year. I don’t exist because what I thought existed, never existed. I realised last year that I’m an eternal creature. We say that life is eternal, the soul is eternal, and God is eternal. Do you really understand the magnitude of this statement that I will never die and I will live for ever and there is no separate God. There is no superior God. I’m not an inferior creature. I’m just a limited vision because I’m trapped in this body.

And if thats not the reason, we want to know what is he smoking! Because there are some more priceless gems by Sant Nigam. Sample this.

There is something happening inside which is silence but you can hear it and it’s only when you sit within or around yourself, that you realise that there is nothing.

All these quotes are from an interview published in Mumbai Mirror recently. Click here to read the full interview. And make sure you are not drinking anything while reading the interview. Chances are you will ROFL and spill it all over.

Filmmakers and critics – it always been a strange relationship and it will remain that way. Its more weird in India because most critics are not full time critics here. They handle editorial responsibilities as well, and for that, they need the same stars/directors almost everyday. Bonds develop and every critic have their own set of people for whom they are biased, consciously or sub-consciously. One star more, half a star less, anyone can easily manipulate.

And this is why gasbags like Sajid Khan dares to open his mouth. But who is he ? The filmmaker, oops, pottymaker who directed that potty piece full of potty jokes called  Hey Baby ( we are still not sure about the number of ‘y’s and why so). Like many other shitty ones, this one also worked at the box office. Since then the pottymaker has been shouting from rooftop that he deserves better stars. Can someone please explain to him that there is a BIG differnce between trade analyst and film critic. On second thoughts, if he had the brains to understand that then he would have never have been a pottymaker at first place.

Here’s the critics qawwali which he performed at the Star Sabse Favourite Kaun Award show recently. Enjoy, if you can.